Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

We’re currently making essential changes to upgrade the Beyond Blue Forums.  Join our online community and opt in to receive an email when the new Forums are available.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / Young people / 22 year old insecure virgin With no direction in life

Topic: 22 year old insecure virgin With no direction in life

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. Jacko2606
    Jacko2606 avatar
    1 posts
    28 January 2020

    Hey all, new to this so bare with me!

    I am 22 and have been in a pit of depression since I was 17 but I have had anxiety my whole life and body image issues. I never really done much with a girl besides the old peck back when I was like 14 due to insecurity... idk what to do because I’m so lacking of experience now compared to others my age. Im not short of female attention and never have been since a young age, I’ve always been thought of as handsome and fit but never can accept it myself. The last 4 years I’ve isolated myself and pretty much only gone to the gym, most people see me and think I must have everything going for me due to how I look but In my mind I just cringe at any compliment I’m given and see it as if they’re just trying to big me up. I don’t know how to talk to people in small talk due to being isolated and ignoring friends and cancelling any sort of plans they try and make because I’d rather stay home with my dog and watch YouTube. I’ve been through numerous jobs during that time because I find it so hard to sleep at all when I have anything on the next day I’m so anxious and end up sending stupid texts in to why I can’t make it and usually haven’t slept and end up quitting because it’s too much anxiety for me even for the most mundane jobs, when I’m working I just don’t stop thinking about being at home in my comfort zone and when I’m home even on my days off I’m like counting down the hours until I have to be at work.. I feel I can’t calm my mind even as I sit here at 2:30am writing this. My virginity doesn’t faze me it only gets to me when I feel the pressure of others to loose it, I’ve recently in the last year started actually having anxiety attacks to which I never have had before where I thought I was dying. I’m scared to get any job because I feel I’ll fail at it.. even the most simple task that I can most definitely do I will doubt myself in. I really just want to be happy but I’m scared to make any move with women/jobs and life! Once someone gets past that awkward stage with me I’m very funny and outgoing but it’s extremely hard to get past it... I know I’ve just rambled on but I just think I need to hear other people’s opinions.

  2. continuousventer
    continuousventer avatar
    63 posts
    29 January 2020 in reply to Jacko2606

    I can somewhat relate because I've had no experience with the opposite sex. It's not that I'm unattractive, I've been told that I am 'really cute' by other people but really, I don't see what they see. I think of myself as the girl who has a crooked home hair cut fringe.

    It sounds like your anxiety has impacted your relationships. You don't need to always be 'fun' or 'exciting', some people just accept you for who you are. I suggest at least being open to hanging out with a friend once a week or even once every two weeks.

    Have you thought about seeing a doctor or a psychologist? I am recently on antidepressants, and it has made me feel more 'stable'. My psychologist listens to me and helps me too.

    I get your sense of failure with jobs. It's like you need to trust yourself. You can do it.

    I'm also like you, at first when you meet me, you think that I'm weird, awkward and nervous. But I have been called a comedian and outgoing too.

    I'm 21, I wish I had a job because I am financially independent from my family. I've been to 3 interviews so far. I think when I get a job, I got to trust in my ability and rationalise with myself that what my brain is telling me is not true.

    I'm 21 and I have never really been on a date, or had a kiss or had sex with anyone. I know that some of my friends have gotten in relationships, had sex or even gotten engaged and started to talk about having kids..
    I can't really accept my situation at the moment because I'm stressed and I don't really have enough money. In a way it's a bit like you, we both just want to be accepted.

    Best of luck to you.
    2 people found this helpful

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.

Sign me up