The school holidays are supposed to be fun; an escape from the suffocation of High School, so why is it the exact opposite for me?

Hi, my life has gone pretty much downhill since towards the end of term one. I'm alone and I have no one to talk to about my anxiety (I was diagnosed a while ago now) and about work, my friends, family, etc. I have friends but I'm too nervous to talk to them about me; I feel as though I'm just some annoying weird, awkward pest that ALWAYS ends up making things awkward. I'm trying my best - I truly am. It just never seems enough. My family don't understand me at all, I mean they understand a little, but I don't think I could talk to them about when I'm feeling down because it's just something we don't talk about. I'm the eldest of three sisters and I recognise how I'm supposed to set an example for them, and that is what I have been doing however it means that I can never have a problem because I have to be the leader; the example. I truly am happy around my friends and family, but since the holidays I haven't seen my friends in a while and the communication online just isn't the same as in actual life. They make me so happy, but now I'm just questioning if they truly like me as much as I do them. I'm just terrified they find me annoying, or loud, weird, exhausting and hate whenever it's just me and them. God, the thought terrifies me. The only reason that this thought has stayed with me for weeks is that that is how I see myself. I'm never enough, there is always someone better than me. Just when some good enters my life, I end up destroying it, unintentionally obviously. Whoever said to just ' be me' must have been insane because in my case that is complete crap. I am complete crap. My real self is awkward, weird and annoying.

I had nowhere else to go to talk to about this stuff, so that's lead me here. Thanks for listening even if I made 0 sense, that's just me in a nutshell lol. (pronouns she/her)

Hi HoneyMilk, 

Sorry to hear that the school holidays are not going so well for you and that you sense a distance between you and your friends. Anxiety can indeed put a lot of pressure while trying to deal with school and being the oldest sibling. It must be difficult to want to talk to someone and not have anyone around you that you think can understand you. Having family/friends to discuss feelings and thoughts is very important recognise that communicating online is very differ from communicating in person.  

There is support for you and if you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Helpline. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. 

Also, if you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

You are not alone here; the community is here to support you.  

 

Hey HoneyMilk, welcome. I like your username. I'm sure you are a sweet person like honey (of course I mean that in a friendly way).

I know how you feel, I have no friends and family either, just my parents (I know you wrote you have some though). I feel the same way and like I ruin everything even with strangers and people on here. You're not crap at all.

Sorry my reply is a bit brief, I'm tired as I type this. But you're not crap. I'm here for you.

Hello.

I can connect to you. Except I’m more on the suicidal side. I like to keep these things to myself. Sometimes I like to vent my feelings by writing it. Maybe that will help. I hope you’re fine and doing ok

Hi Zoneey,

We understand that things can get tough sometimes and it's great that you have writing as an outlet. We recognise that you are offering support to another user, however we want you to know that there is support for you as well.

If things become too overwhelming you can get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). 

If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

Keep coming back to the forum, as you know the community is here to help everyone here and you are not alone.