Hi everyone, this is my first post and the closest I can get to some form of help..

As of recently (the past 6 months), I have been extremely stressed/tired/anxious/overwhelmed - primarily from school. I have extremely high expectations of myself in achieving a 98 ish atar, but as of now things aren't exactly going as I hoped and some of my marks/ranks are subpar. Aside from that I'm having trouble starting anything from anxiety, and now i'm left with a few days before my assessment with almost no preparation.

This isn't the reason I'm writing here though. All of this has been amplified by my parents that are constantly yelling, shouting, screaming at me, telling me how much they hate me, and how I'm useless, how I won't accomplish anything. They make no room to prioritise giving me some space, or listen on to my needs. No, infact they laugh and yell ay me when I cry, telling me its irrational.

Now as a student who wants/almost needs to achieve a 98...I have so much, too much workload. But all this pressure is just getting to me. Its too much, so much. And I don't have time for a break, or my break ends up being waay too long you know.

Getting any sort of counselling is also off the table.... bc parents. And overall, Im very uncomfortable talking about family to anyone I know who is close to me.

Please, what should I do. I'm trying to be strong and balance all this pressure, overhwelming anxiety and stress whilst maintaining good grades and dealing with my parents but its...hard.

Hi rabarbie,

It sounds like you are going through such a tough time and we are really sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult relationship with your parents right now.  I can only imagine how overwhelming it is for you to have so much pressure place upon you, be trying your best to achieve so much and then have your parents say things to you that are hurtful.  

We understand that you think counselling is off the table, however have you considered calling Kids Helpline?  You can get the same counsellor for repeat conversations and it's at no cost to you.  We would encourage you to reach out to them and discuss all the pressures in your life at the moment.  You can call 1800 551 800 or via webchat at https://kidshelpline.com.au/ 24/7.

Please feel free to keep reaching out the community as we are here to walk this journey with you during such difficult times.    

Hello rabarbie,

Welcome and I'm really so sad to hear about all this pressure you are feeling from your parents and your own expectations.

Sophie_M made a great suggestion about speaking to Kids Helpline, as they are someone completely separate and you don't need to worry about them knowing your parents or anything like that.

It sounds like you are in year 12 at the moment and I know that can be a really stressful period. Do you have any good friends you could talk to just in terms of how you are feeling about your grades? Could you even form a study group with any friends? I used to do this with one good friend of mine who wasn't competitive like the others, and it was really nice just to be able to study with someone and know that they were going through the same stress as me, so I wasn't alone.

James

Hi rabarbie, welcome.

In regards to your ATAR, whilst that is awesome, all that matters is you're trying your best. I don't know much about ATARs & so forth, but that's my opinion.

I'm sorry about your parents & you can't seek counselling, that's terrible. I wish there was some way you could see a professional or something, but I'm glad you came here.

Are you safe? And you're not useless at all.

I'm sorry if my reply doesn't help much, but you're doing your best, a high ATAR or not.

Hi rabarbie,

I know how you feel in terms of pressure. I also had an expectation of getting a high ATAR and trying to get into the university I wanted, It really really sucks and I don't think there's anything you can say to help someone during this stressful time besides telling them that they aren't alone and that a lot of students experience high levels of stress and even depression during year 12. I've read some articles about people arguing to reform the system and to get rid of ATAR completely. I don't know what they would replace it with though.

The other thing is that year 12 won't last forever and at the end of the day (though it's weird to say) it's just year 12 and everything will work out in the end. There are lots of ways to get into courses if you don't meet the requirements.

Something that helped me: When I was really stressed I tried not to think about getting a high ATAR and instead just focusing on what the most recent thing is. Getting through the next week and the next assignment and just making an general overall effort to do well and try my best right now and not think or plan too much for the future. I feel like if in general you try your best then you will find that you end up achieving your goal. But always thinking about the goal all the time instead of your next step... it's overwhelming and stressful.

About anxiety... I had the same thing :/ If you don't take breaks then it becomes really hard and you can get burn out. Is there one small thing that you could do today to help with this? Maybe take the evening off to do something relaxing like taking a bath, watching a movie you like, petting an animal if you have one.

I'm really sorry about your parents. It must be really hard and it sounds pretty serious. I think they should be more supportive of you especially this year :(. If you have siblings, can you talk to them about your parents or even someone else in your family besides your parents like a cousin.

I hope you feel a bit better soon and remember you can't do more than your best! It sounds like you are just trying to do your best and that's all that you can do!
CB :)

That is so sweet of you to reply and with such a thoughtful response thank you CB.

Since I posted that I've been in a depressive state (despite it being the holidays) because my anxiety just progressed really bad w/o help too - I did manage to book a session with my psychologist and that went well.

I think you're right in terms of thinking not too far ahead, or of the end product... that is whats helping me right now as well.

Thank you again for such a thoughtful and helpful response, fully appreciated.

rabarbie :)

Hello rabarbie,

It's nice to hear back from you. I'm glad you managed to find a psychologist to have a session with, and that you're finding it helpful to not think too far ahead. Sometimes, taking things one step at a time can really help.

Take care, and please feel free to pop by here if you'd ever like to chat.

James

Hi rabarbie,

It makes me feel so happy that you liked my response :)

I know you will make it through this year. You can only do as much as your best and whatever that is, it's enough. At the end of the day you are enough no matter what score you get. You are so much more than a number. Your thoughts and ideas are valuable and they aren't measured in most exams (even then you're still under time pressure) and they certainly aren't represented in your ATAR score.

Good luck and wishing you the best,

CB :)