Good Morning Madi12
Welcome to the forum and to Beyond Blue, I am so very proud of you for sharing your feelings and for knowing to come here to get some support, some comfort and somewhere to get those feelings out and off your chest.
I am not sure what year you are in but school is alot, alot of pressure, alot of things to think about and just in general ..alot....it is a time for finding out who you are and how you feel about that and what makes you happy but also what makes you sad...it is a real time for growth and learning not only in class but in life. This is in itself alot for the young people of today. With all this going on and your change in mood and your identifying that you are not feeling like your usual self and that you are experiencing dark thoughts and struggling with your emotions.
Firstly there are some really great people at Kids Helpline, they are on 1800 55 1800, they are so wonderful and so very caring and easy to talk to, they might have some really great ideas for you and some professional support for you too.
How would you feel about seeing a GP? I know you said that you are not very good at talking about your emotions but I think that seeing a doctor sooner than later to get a check on these feelings might be really helpful to you. If you do struggle to get the words out you can always write them down, pass them to the GP and he/she will start the conversation from there.
I hear how confused you are in that none of this makes sense, that is the part we can help you with here, by chatting and getting some of the thoughts you have and the feelings you have out and we can chat about that. I am so very proud of you for sharing how you are feeling and you will notice that there are so many others feeling very similar also, so you are not alone and you are not the only one madi12.
I hope to chat some more to you and I hope that I have helped in some small way today.
Have a great day and huge hugs to you