I'm a Year 12 student right now, and I'd say I'm a pretty good student in most of my subjects. I've always gotten As and Bs. But this year in mathematical methods, I've never been more miserable.
I've failed (D and D+) two tests, and I just took another one yesterday that really broke me. I think I failed it. I cried all day, I understood the work so well but the test was nothing like ANY of the questions we have studied up until now. I feel cheated and stupid and I don't understand why I'm failing when I have never had trouble before. I have also a C and B grade for the other two tests, and all the tests are. worth 10%. I handed in a folio draft worth 20%, and I need an A on it to have any hope of passing.
I've tried everything, I've even got a tutor. I don't have any time for myself because I'm always studying now, and I think I understand until I get to. a test and inevitably fail it. I have one test left, and an exam worth 30% that I am POSITIVE i will fail. I'm crushed.
all ive ever wanted is to go to university. but i cant unless i pass this year and get my certificate. im trying so hard, harder than anyone else, but im not succeeding. i dont know what to do. ever since yesteray ive felt empty, i feel like i dont deserve to exist. i dont deserve the love my family gives me or the food they make. i dont deserve my friends.
if i can't go to unversity, i dont know what ill do with my life. it is worth nothing to me if i cant take it where i want it to go. all i need to do is pass but thats starting to look impossible. i cant feel anything but anxiety and pain. if my life cant be the one i imagined, and the one i know i deserve, i dont want it. i deserve. better than. this. i feel like im being punished for something.
please help me, i just want to know what. happiness is again. i have to pass. i refuse to fail, i will hate myself if i do and nobody will love me anymore. because i deserve nothing. i cant even be excited for when the year ends bvecause my future feels fake. i only see the pain i feel now. i can never be a person. i will love if i dont pass.