So I'm a 16 year old kid whose been going through some stuff. But, nothing particularly bad has happened to me. I started getting overwhelmed and start crying when I'd pack my lunch for school, for no reason, 6 months ago. I thought it was strange, but didn't really address it. After a while of feeling, empty and void of any motivation for basic tasks. I reached out to a friend. He took me to go see the GP and, she said I had major depressive disorder. The diagnoses made sense but, I don't know where it came from. I've always been somewhat pessimistic about the world in general, but that was always just me. Everything was going perfectly in my life, I finally had made plenty of friends, after being teased and excluded for 2 years, my grades where perfect, my life was perfect. And yet, I'm miserable, I feel nothing. I started sleeping in everyday for school and being self destructive. My grades have dropped to the point where I'm not even passing, my rooms a mess, and I just feel, nothing. I just want to feel something again. I can't look to the future with excitement for whats to come, everyday is just another day, they've all moulded into each other and it feels like it wont end. But everyone says theres a light at the end of the tunnel, and I believe them, I just don't see any light yet. Part of me thinks it's because I got everything I ever wanted, the things I thought would make me happy, only to realise happiness is a fleeting moment, I'll always be running on my hedonic treadmill. Waiting for the next thing that'll fill the void. But I think I just stopped running, and I don't know if I ever can again.
I don't know if writing here will help me, and I wasn't able to capture how I truly feel in so few words. But I'm drowning. And this, this is me gasping for air. If anyone is reading this, thank-you, and sorry it was so dark, but unfortunately it gets dark without the mask I put on.
Yes I know the mask is ironic considering I'm posting this anonymously but still, uno what I mean.
Have a nice day, I really mean it.