I'm at a loss here. I have ADHD and am taking medication for it, so technically everything should be fine. But I just can't get myself to DO this one essay. It's so frustrating. This essay is not causing any panic or stress at all so it's not motivating me to do it at all.
I started writing for a few hours yesterday, then I couldn't keep going. I tried doing it for 5 mins today to get started, but it's not working.
My teacher is new and has no idea how to put in the assignment extension. I don't want to send in ANOTHER unfinished assignment because it's worth 40 percent and I would fail the entire class, it's annoying because if I fail this one class I will 100% get kicked out of uni. Because I've already failed a bunch of classes. And I can't withdraw, it's too late in the semester.
Hell, I'm not even anxious now. Despite all of this, it's still not motivating to me at all. I know how to do the assignment, which is so frustrating. I just can't move my body. It's like I'm trapped inside. I can't get my body to do what I want it to do. My eyes just glaze over at the words on the screen. It just makes me so angry. I can't "just do it". I physically don't have the ability to do that. I physically don't have that part in my prefrontal cortex.
And the medication should fix that but it's not working. I just need to vent because this is so annoying I literally planned out and organized the whole essay and even went to uni during this break to do it, and still it's not working. And it's already overdue and I'll get 10% off already but I still don't care about it to do it. I wish I could just do it and get it done. But already I have half the mind to just go to sleep and by then I'll have 20% off... Because I'm literally getting bored and sleepy rn instead of stressed like they assume everyone is going to be.
Anyway I just wanted to vent. I'm just super frustrated at myself right now. I know I'm just self sabotaging so enough stress will kick in so I can finally ride on the adrenaline high to get it done... but it's not working... I'm not scared enough to do it