I imagine your Russian pen pal is a naturally thoughtful and sensitive person who sees the best in you. Naturally thoughtful sensitive people will always see the best in us, even if we can't see it our self. Insensitive people typically don't have this incredible ability. You notice how everyone who's responded to you here is naturally thoughtful and sensitive.
The title of your thread 'I don't know who I am anymore' leads me to imagine you to also (like the rest of us) be someone who is very natural (yet feeling deeply challenged at the moment), very thoughtful in the way you question yourself and others and very sensitive in the way you feel so much. While I've discovered many up sides to being sensitive, there are some challenges, for sure. For example, sensitive people typically have an open mind. They're typically not closed minded like arrogant people are. While an open mind can allow for inspiration to freely enter, this open mind can also easily let in the stuff we wish would not enter, such as self doubt caused by others, harsh judgement, hopelessness etc. Being surrounded by people who lead us to hope less or give us no hope at all can really impact a sensitive open minded person.
Unicorndogge, it's taken me many years to realise the impact others have had on my sensitivity and open minded nature. It may sound strange but I have rediscovered my super natural ability to wonder. We began life with wonder. We typically began life with a lot of our natural abilities being practiced. I wonder if you have ever tried wondering out loud at people. What I mean by this is...You can think 'I wonder what my pen pal sees in me'. Now, you can keep this wondering to yourself or you can say to him 'I wonder what you see in me'. You might be pleasantly surprised by what he says. He might say 'You're not as artificial as most people' or 'You lead me to feel comfortable, like I don't have to pretend to be someone else when I write to you or talk to you'. Often we'll be attracted to people who naturally bring out the best in us. Such people raise our spirits, raise our consciousness and raise our self esteem. Basically, they raise us.
Unicorndogge, I believe you to be a very sensitive, natural, thoughtful person who is looking to find the best in them self. From my experience, finding the best in our self is a journey taken with greater ease when those who are lighting the way easily see our beauty, our strengths and our potential.