everything feels like such a chore lately.
i am thinking about whether i should see a therapist. but really, there is nothing wrong with me. lately i've just had a bad attitude, so everythign feels tiring. i think it could be helpful, because i'm sure it would be helpful for anyone. who wouldn't benefit from that kind of thing?
but i woul dhave to got hrough my parent.s and i'm absolutely not bringing that up with them. i do not want pity or concern or interference or nuisance or nagging.
i don't think i am depressed. i am just in a bad funk but its so exhausting.
my room is a mess. im 19 years old. i should be able to simply just clean my room and get my life together. i find it so hard to be motivated to do anything becausde i'm incredibly lazy and avoid problems rather than just solving them even when they're so easy.
i feel like a failure. i feel like i'm too fat and ugly. i am possibly the worst conversationalist in the world because i assume everyone hates me (which wouldn't be a problem if i could just hold a conversation) and i make everything 10x more difficult for myself than it needs to be. i do have some redeeming features though. i am nice to people mostly. which is good.
i don't know why i am even on this forum i'm just looking for something and i'm not sure what. advice or something, some kind of guidance.
im aware that i sound very childish. i am just writing a stream of conciousness (which i cannot spell). i don't mean to be annoying i'm just venting i hope that's ok. i'm not really sure what i'm hoping to achieve here.
i feel like i'm kind of out of control. (not in an emergency services type of way, i'm not in a dire position or having drastic thoughts or anything). what i mean is that it feels like i am just going forward through each day not really making active choices but just letting momentum push me along. where am i going? what am i doing? maybe everyone feels this way. if so, they don't show it.
that being said, i'm not depressed or anything; i have good moments too. i smile, laugh, so on, i entertain myself throughout the day and spend time with others - no cause for concern. i'm just finding it difficult to maintain this lifestyle going from job to job each day and wasting my time little by little throughout the day, until it's 3am and i've not done anything for myself. and by this time of day i've either eaten scarcely anything OR alternatively eaten an absurdly large amount of food (that i didn't even enjoy).