Reading these replies has already bought me so much comfort, I’m so grateful! I think maybe a few things might be making me feeling this way. It may be that I haven’t got many goals at the current moment, or that I don’t feel emotionally connected to my partner, or it could just be the stress and pressure of school work. Which ever reason though, I just feel so lost and so empty. Almost as if I’m so broken that no one can hurt me, but at the same time, I can’t be put back together.
I feel as though I’ve felt this for an ongoing period of time, months I would say. I’m not too sure if the pandemic let this on, if anything I feel I have grown from it. It’s also not to say that I haven’t felt glimpses of emotion here and there, but nothing that lasts. Often, I just try to keep busy to distract myself from this gross empty feeling. The last few days have been really quiet however, and I’ve had so much time to think, and I have nothing inside me.
I do feel like I’m lacking mental stimulation yes, the people I know and things I do just feel the same, despite how new somethings and some people are. With regards to physical / chemical stimulation, I’d say I look after and know my body pretty well. Of course at times, I get lazy etc, but I think at these times I’ve lost motivation. Exercise and the outdoors helps me clear things off, though. I think my ranking system definitely depends on who I’m around and what I’m doing, usually it isn’t too low, but this nothingness has lowered it more than I’d like. I think I am highly sensitive to a lack of excitement.
Thank you all so much for your support!
- Leanie :)