I hope this is the right place to put this. Sorry if it’s not.


I’ve been having issues with friends recently and i need help. This will be in two parts based on whether i consider something to be more of me or them.


Some extra info: i’m a teenage girl. I know there’s a lot of stereotypes about people my age, but stereotypes exist for a reason and maybe i’m just being silly.


So recently i’ve been feeling uncomfortable around a group of friends i’ve had for the past few years. As of writing this the two week holidays are in two days and i’m hoping they’ll fix some things, but here’s some reasons i thought of that may relate to why i’m uncomfortable around them:


Me:

I’m noticing little things about them that are getting more and more on my nerves. I know this sounds selfish but whenever i find something new to enjoy like a tv show, one friend likes to start watching it too and finishes it before me. Again i know it sounds stupid but i feel like i can’t have anything for myself.

This is specific to only a few people but i’ve had some bad experiences with some of them. The first time i met one of them he threatened me. He has also told me in the past that i can’t be sad because i haven’t experienced his life. And when i came out as aromantic to another of them, he told me i just hadn’t found the right person yet.


Them:

it’s obvious who they value most as a friend in the group. When he’s not where he usually is they’ll call him and ask where he went, but when i’m missing nobody cares. I’m sure anyone would say it’s a bad feeling.


I think i need some time away from them, but the one who causes the most discomfort is in five of my eight classes, and sits next to me in most of them. They’re also right next to where i sit for lunch and recess, and i feel like i can’t get away.


I know this stuff all sounds really insignificant but it’s been piling up and i don’t know what to do.


Even if nobody has any idea as to what i should do, it felt good to just be able to tell someone.

Hey icecreamspider,

Sorry to hear that you are having issues with friends. It's such an ongoing issue in teens but really sucks every time!

Am I right in thinking that you feel abandoned by your friend group and that you can't have things that are special to you?

I hope I'm understanding this right (if not feel totally free to ignore this!) and have a suggestion from my own experience as a teenage girl.

I had a weird dynamic with people growing up. I had a few close friends in my young teen years. Other people thought I was 'cool' because I was smart (apparently). Other people just ignored me and would fail to include me in things outside of the set activity we all attended.

I'm not an expert on the subject at all, but I have found that joining other social groups and stuff outside of school can get good friends sometimes. I would kinda talk to people who seemed nice and use active listening to really try and get to know them. Often people really appreciate you showing an interest in their life that they become invested in yours!

I hope this might help. Even if it doesn't, I just want you to know someone hears your frustration.

Hi icecreamspider,

So glad you reached out and be assured that you are certainly in the right place.

After reading your post the last thing that would cross my mind would be about you being silly or placing a stereotyped label on you if “a teenager”.

It takes courage to decide to post a personal experience on a public forum. It takes courage to be open and honest about yourself, about your thoughts and feelings. You seem to be not only honest with us but also with yourself. Seriously, well done.

Thank you for painting a pretty good picture of your relationship with your friends.
Not sure, if this would cross your mind but maybe you are starting to “move on”? We constantly change, our likes, dislikes, tastes etc evolve. Maybe you have started to outgrow them?

Please correct me if I am completely wrong but this is a thought that came to me.

Again, thank you for being so open and honest.

Take care.