I moved schools this year (im currently in yr 11), and I hate it with my being. I'm stereotyped as the kid from the hood, and constantly never taken seriously by the people I hang out with. I have no friends, and although I guess I do have people to hang out with, it's not special. No one is going to wait for me, initiate conversation, and it's more lonely than being alone.
Everyone there is crazy racist and homophobic, and those who aren't crazy bigoted just feel so different. I feel like a literal alien, and it's worse considering I live so far away from the school.
I travel like a century to get to the school, and it's so draining. I'm always on the verge of literal collapse, and I can feel my body giving up on me, and my mind too. I keep on getting sick probably from all the travel (i take train), and worse is myself.
I always felt long bouts of numbness, and always have to constantly put up with stuff at home, but I never realised how much my friends stopped me from literally breaking. Now school feels like a land where I know no one, I can't connect, and it's so damn stressful. Not to mention I feel so damn dumb all the time.
The school offers heaps of opportunities, but they cost heaps and I am not going to ask, it's honestly such a waste, and I can't utilise anything the school provides, which defeats the purpose of going there.
I never feel like waking up, moving doing anything. I sometimes take days off to lay in bed and do nothing and lost all motivation I've had. I don't do the same hobbies I used to do (due to time constraints because of school), anything I liked I don't anymore, and it sucks a lot. I just want to do nothing all day.
My mum and dad told me it's totally cool if I move back, but I moved to this current school for my education and atar. My old school was trashy, but I never minded it. the new school is undoubtedly way better in terms of education, but what's the point when I can't think straight and don't want to do anything. I also, and I know I shouldn't feel really embarrassed if I moved back, like was I too dumb? I couldn't handle it. Cause I really couldn't handle it, and it seems stupid. Also, there's a big money problem, because if I move back I just blew a ton of money because I couldn't handle it.
For a school that prides itself on a home-like welcoming environment, I don't feel welcomed.
Anyways should I move back?