Hi,

I have horrible PTSD from the things that happened to me medically...After those experiences i fell into a horrible depression and was keeping my head facing down a lot. I would often avoid looking people in the eyes and i was praying a lot while facing down which led me to have horrible pain in my neck...my neck was so stiff, it was like a rock. I tried everything to fight my depression...i tried every single vitamin, ate healthy, exercised and went to church hoping to find some peace and happiness. A lot of false promises, overthinking and broken relationships led me to get significantly worse, so i would go to my GP and was told to try and fight my anxiety and depression by meditating, exercising and eat healthy. I basically doubled up on everything that i was already doing and to no avail. One day i was exercising with friends and we were doing a dance together and i hurt my neck. I moved a disc or misaligned something...this gave me horrible pain and worsened my stiffness. Everyday i would wake up in agony. I tried creams, massages, phsyiotherapy, medication and nothing was working and i was so hurt and worried. One day out of nowhere we saw chiropractic advertisement. My dad asked me if i wanted to try it...i said no because i was scared. Then, the next day there was a man who saw me clutching my neck in pain at a supermarket and he knew i was suffering and offered to feel my neck and said he was a chiropractor and that he could easily fix me. I was thrilled to have some sort of hope in resolving this pain. The first few sessions were great but then the need to relieve the pain was so strong that i was going too often and my neck felt very ... loose? i dont know how to describe it. I stopped going and my pain is gone but my neck cracks ALL THE TIME. Sometimes even when inhale it will crack and each time im so petrified that i will have a stroke. I was told by my GP that chiros are horrible for strokes and now i cant stop obssessing over it and i am so scared. My neck cracks a lot, all the time and i feel like i could die or become disabled any minute. I am seeing a psychologist but i don't feel much better. I have also had several MRI's on my neck and head referred by my neurologist that have come back somewhat normal. That does not mean anything though because strokes can happen at anytime and anywhere. I don't know what to do and i can't continue living like this.

please help me...i know this is so stupid to worry about but i cant help it. :(

No matter who i talk to about this i just get ignored or shrugged off. I am super anxious all the time and i feel like crying a lot. I have my univeristy finals soon and i just feel super bummed out because my anxiety is ruining my study time...i don't know who else to turn to. i feel like no one can help me and i'm just being annoying and wasting peoples time. I hate myself so much...

Dear Bekka_k~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum and understand the feelings you are having. Having the original pain in your neck would have made life very hard and limited what you were able to do. I'm glad you have been to see your GP, a neurologist and had several MRIs.

I do not know of a link between neck manipulation and proven incidence of stoke however I'm no doctor. I do think that if you have been examined by a GP, a neurologist and had MRIs then I personally would expect them to find stroke threatening damage of some sort if it was there.

True the cracking sensation in your neck is unexplained, however I guess that may well reduce in time. Again the MRIs would be expected to pick up serious abnormalities.

I know none of this seems like much of a comfort, however ruining your life wiht anxiety over what might happen with your health is no way to live. As you say yourself in your second post it is reducing your ability to study, and this in itself gives extra stress.

May I suggest a couple of things? Firstly to get in touch with uni disability services and talk to them about how illness is affecting your work. They may be able to take this into account, reduce your study schedule without penalty and offer further advice.

Secondly go back to you doctor and psychologist and say that the current regimen is not working and your thoughts are overtaken by fear of stroke and the sensation in your neck and you need your treatment to be reviewed as a result. It may be you are not being treated for the full range of symptoms and things need adjusting. While meditating, exercise and healthy eating, as suggested by your GP, are certainly worth doing perhaps they are not sufficient by themselves.

Anxiety, as I know myself, makes one find it very hard to accept that negative tests are correct. I've had great difficulty in accepting pains in head. chest and abdomen have been caused by anxiety, and at first simply thought the tests were limited or improperly conducted. Over time however I have come to realize they were correct and it is the anxiety which is to blame. Perhaps you are having the same sort of troubles in believing those MRIs and neurological examinations.

It is neither stupid nor a waste of time to try to get help when in your situation, it is simply the sensible thing to do. Trying to deal with this in isolation makes matters harder. Is your dad and other family members or friends there for you?

You are welcome to talk here anytime

Croix

Hi Croix,

I feel so much better after reading your response to my post...I am really thankful for your really reassuring and understanding. I am so happy that you understand. I can't talk about this to my family because they will think I'm being ridiculous (I've tried before). I will need to get into contact with my University disability services, I never knew that anxiety and depression could be accepted by the University disability services...this will help me tremendously. Thank you so, so much for informing about this.

As for the cracking. It is literally the only thing I can think about right now. It has become this crazy obsession and I feel so embarrassed talking about it because I'm only 20-year-olds. I don't know who talk to about this. I am glad that I chose to post on this forum and I am so thankful for your reply. A few days ago I went to get a haircut and I was terrified to lean back on the basin to get my hair washed because I knew that women have died from a stroke that way before...I did do it though. I put on a mask and pretended that I was fine when I was drowning with dread on the inside. After it was done, I waited for stroke symptoms. It is so crazy that I think this way and I feel like I am going to die any second. I have just come off AD meds and I was so unbelievably happy when I did. I don't want to be put back on them...this will be the 3rd time I have gone off and back on them...I feel like I'm stuck in this vicious cycle.

My psychologist already knows about my health anxiety and stroke obsession...she is trying her best to help me :'( I won't give up and keep trying to find a solution. I know i am not the only one with anxiety. I will inform my psychologist about everything. Thank you so much for your advice and kind words :")