I'm turning 21 soon and currently in my 2nd year of University living 4 hours away from my hometown. Previously, I've been perfectly fine with being away from home/family so much and have dealt well with any feelings of homesickness. Even during COVID, i have been away from home for months at a time and have dealt with that well.
However, whenever i consider getting a casual job where i live now i freak out and become super anxious. I don't know what mental block or what is going on in my brain but i was offered a casual job recently and ended up turning it down because i was so beside myself and hysterically crying. I just feel this really intrusive/unbearable feeling of being trapped and isolated if i get a job where i am even though i know that i can always request days/weekends off to visit my hometown.
I know part of reason i feel this way is probably because of the current pandemic/isolation situation (i have definitely been a bit homesick the past few weeks) but i still feel like a little bit of a failure because i am nearly 21 and should able to take these steps (getting a new job away from home). This situation has kinda left me feeling a little doubtful of my ability to start my career in the future if i panic about the prospect of getting a small casual job now.
Would love to hear if anyone has experienced anything similar?