At the start of this year I was super motivated and happy to be able to start uni and put my high school days behind me. Although now, in the 10th month of the year I have never felt worse. I cannot get out of my bed, I cannot attend my lectures online, my sleep schedule is all over the place, I can barely make it to the shower, I can't keep up with assessments, I have gained so much weight in such a short amount of time and eat at strange hours, I have isolated myself from friends and family out of pure embarrassment. My grandmother messaged me the other day to say she had noticed I gained a lot of weight and she was worried about my health. I realise that I have but the problem is I have absolutely no motivation left in me to possibly change even if I want to so badly. I beat myself up because I cannot even do daily simple tasks to look after myself and I feel like I am wasting people's time and my money by being at uni and not being able to keep up with everything. I feel like I have completely lost myself this year. I loved going out, seeing people, meeting new people, I am super extroverted, I was passionate about my course at uni and now all I do is nothing but sit around like a numb blob, wasting space. I moved to Australia 3 years ago from South Africa and for a while I was doing great but once it set in that I had left such important family behind it has broken me. I have a constant debate with myself that I am just being lazy and need to get my shit together but then think about how I can't even make it to the shower and realise there is a much bigger issue going on. I recently missed an assessment and this was the point where I messaged the uni counselor to ask to speak to her. We have scheduled a time to speak but until then I don't even k ow if I can get through the week and do assessments and attend lectures. I feel like such a lost cause and would really like to hear from others

Hey lorinska,

Wishing you a warm welcome to the forums. It takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest with your feelings, and we are so glad that you decided to reach out to our friendly community today. We can hear how lonely and overwhelmed that you're feeling, but please know that you do not have to do this alone. Many in our community have had similar feelings and understand. Hopefully a few of them will pop by soon with some words of kindness and advice.

It's really great to hear that you have booked an appointment with your uni counsellor. We think it's really strong of you and so important that you have been so proactive in recognising you need some help and seeking it. We understand that this must be a really tough situation for you, so we just wanted to let you know that if you find yourself feeling particularly overwhelmed before your appointment, please know that there is always help available to you. Th friendly counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or through Webchat (3pm-12am AEST) at: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. Our friends at Lifeline are also available 24/7 on 13 11 14, or through online chat (7pm-midnight AEST) at: https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-chat Please do feel free to use these services to talk through what's on your mind when it's feeling like too much to cope with.

You are not alone here, and we hope that you keep us updated on how you're going whenever you feel ready- we hope that you find this to be a safe and non-judgemental space.

Hi lorinska,

Echoing Sophie_M in welcoming you here. She's exactly right: it took so much courage just to even write your post. You've already taken the very first step to feeling well again. I had very similar struggles to your own at uni, which I was also very excited about to put high school behind me as you say. What you're describing really resonates with my own experience of depression at uni. Hang in there, help is on the way if you can find the strength to take it. Do you mind my asking how you have been in the past day or two? How are you feeling about the appointment with the counsellor?

We are always here for you on the forums. You are not alone.

Best,

Gems

Hi uncut_gems!

Thank you for reaching out and replying to me. It is comforting to know that someone has gone through something similar to myself. I have the phone call with the counsellor today. The past few days I have honestly felt like a pit in my stomach. My biggest fear is not putting it all on the line and explaining to her the severity of my mental state. In the past, I have tried to explain to professionals and they almost completely dismissed me, I don't know if this might be because I didn't say enough or because I was smiling because I was nervous. The fact that I cannot do those simple daily tasks to look after myself has proven to be a bigger struggle than some people think. I just hope I can really explain everything to her and make sense.

Regards,

Lorinska

Hi, lorinska! I know what you are talking about: not being able to take care about yourself and feeling desperate. I struggled the same problem during my last spring semester at my university. The online reality (online classes, online communication with friends, even online shopping) made me feel so uncomfortable, as I stopped feeling the taste of life. What I tried to do was to concentrate on online classes to somehow fill my days with the little goals (homework) to achieve, to do some sport exercises to feel more energetic and, of course, I shared my worries, feelings and fears with my friends. It turns out to be better, when there is someone to speak to. Because in our days, we all share the same feelings and don't want to be alone. The pandemic is going to end one day, but now we should get used to the new conditions of our life and try to make our reality more friendly environment. I am glad you are sharing your thoughts here, you are so brave. Please, don't feel lonely, this is our common problem. You can try to be more open with your friends, I am sure, they will support you and you are going to be better.

Hi lorinska,

Just wanted to check in and see how your call with the counsellor went last week. Do you feel like you were able to make yourself heard and convey just how serious you feel things are for you?

Best,

Gems