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Forums / Young people / There’s nothing good or pretty about me.

Topic: There’s nothing good or pretty about me.

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. SaiyanSteph
    SaiyanSteph  avatar
    5 posts
    30 March 2021

    I’m having really low self esteem and I’m having really high anxiety about what I wear and I keep asking myself ‘is this going to fit?’, ‘you’re not going to look good in this no matter how hard you try.’, ‘there is nothing pretty about you no matter what you wear or how you look’. My sisters wedding is soon and even though my mum found me a dress and saying that I look great in it, I still see so many flaws when I look in the mirror like:
    - you’re belly is showing!

    - you’re arms are flappy!

    - you’re face is so ugly!

    - you’re going to be the most ugliest bridesmaid ever!

    - no ones going to think you’re pretty!

    - no one will care!

    - they’re lying when they say you’re beautiful!

    and all those thoughts are just floating around in my head and I don’t know how to get rid of them!!!😣😭

    someone please help me to feel good about myself😭😣

    take all this pain away

    2 people found this helpful
  2. missep123
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    missep123 avatar
    873 posts
    31 March 2021 in reply to SaiyanSteph

    Hi SaiyanSteph,

    I am so sorry that you have been feeling this way about yourself :(

    I used to be very self conscious about my arms and always would cover them up even though people told me I had nothing to worry about. When I realised I had these negative self thoughts I really tried to work on them.

    I think one thing that helped me was to think about the negative thoughts that I am directing at myself and imagine if I would ever say them to a friend. What I realised is that we can be very brutal to ourselves sometimes and we tell ourselves things that we wouldn't imagine saying to someone else. I started searching self-kindness or self-kindess meditations on youtube and that started to help for me.

    Do you think this might be something that may work for you?

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/three-things-to-be-thankful-for-today/page/124#qzECaXHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/three-self-care-things-you-did-today/page/23#qzECbHHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

    Alternatively, these threds are ones I am personally involved in that make me feel nice after posting. We focus on writing three self-care things we did today and three things we feel grateful for.

    Please let me know how you go! We're here for you!

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6140 posts
    31 March 2021 in reply to SaiyanSteph
    Hi SaiyanSteph,

    Thank you for making a personal thread so that the community has a place to come to talk to you and offer some support. We're so sorry that you've been struggling with low self esteem. We understand how painful and overwhelming it can be to cope with these thoughts that can leave you feeling ashamed or unloveable. Please know that you are not alone in this.

    You are valuable and worthy of love, support and connection. Your sister has made you her bridesmaid which indicates that you are special to her, and your mum has found you a dress which shows how much she cares for you.

    It sounds like you have some negative self-talk circulating in your mind which is making you feel highly anxious and bad about how you look. You might be interested in our page on “When your inner critic is giving you a tough time”

    There is an organisation called the Butterfly Foundation which offers support for eating disorders and body image issues. We'd recommend you check out their website as they also offer phone and online services where you can get some support and advice for improving your body image.

    Thank you so much for reaching out here. Hopefully over the next few days one or more of our community members will be by to welcome you to our community or offer some words of support.
    1 person found this helpful
  4. SaiyanSteph
    SaiyanSteph  avatar
    5 posts
    31 March 2021 in reply to missep123
    Thx, I appreciate it.
  5. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    31 March 2021 in reply to SaiyanSteph

    hey saiyansteph, welcome.

    i'm sorry to hear all of this.

    it's ok to worry about clothes not fitting, some clothes are made differently anyway. wear whatever you feel comfortable in i say, and what you like the look and feel of.

    i'm sure you do look good in whatever you do decide to wear, and i'm sure you are pretty. you are good enough.

    it's ok if you show some skin such as your belly if you feel comfortable. i'm sure your arms aren't flabby, but if we have a bit of extra weight than others, or less, that's perfectly ok. someone's appearance doesn't define them, it's what inside that counts, that's what i live by.

    you're not ugly at all, i'm sure you're pretty! of course i mean all of this in a friendly, reassuring way (i'm female also). people do care, and they won't be lying when they call you beautiful, i know i'm not, and others here aren't. i'm sure they genuinely mean it, i do.

    i hope the wedding goes well, i'm sure you'll look wonderful. hugs, if you want/like them.

    i think being a young person, especially a female, with society, etc. makes it hard too. you're not alone. it's ok to not be comfortable in our own bodies. it's what's inside that counts in my eyes.

  6. missep123
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    missep123 avatar
    873 posts
    4 April 2021 in reply to SaiyanSteph

    Hi SaiyanSteph, I wanted to check in and see how you were doing

    We are always here for you

  7. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    13033 posts
    4 April 2021 in reply to SaiyanSteph

    Saiyansteph

    Thanks for starting this threadso honestly.

    I am much older than you and I from time to time start noticing

    my double chin,

    my wrinkles,

    my rolls of fat,

    It is so easy to dwell on the negative parts that no one else even notices or start finsing faults that are not there.

    Mirrors can be tough or you can use the mirror to your advantage and think of what your body does for you. I wonder if like me your legs may dance, walk, get you to place and they are strong .

    Your arms work well and are help you dance, move , lift eat and many other things.

    I wrote a thread called Talking to your inner critic , can it be tamed? People have shared their conversations with their inner crtic. I would challenge your inner critic.

    As missep says you would never say things to your friends that you say to yourself. You would say that your friend looks great in the bridesmaids dress and she is lucky to have great hair and skin and to be such a kind friend.

    Take care.

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