A warm welcome to you Deltius, so glad you came here.
You provide a couple of deeply thoughtful lists and I'm sure painful ones in many ways. You also mention some key people in your life such as your close friends and that person who you were intimate with. I say 'key people' because I've found the people who typically lead me to question or feel supported are usually the people who hold keys to unlocking a lot of the answers I can be looking for when it comes to self understanding.
First, when it comes to that person who you were intimate with, are they the sort of person who looks beyond appearance, more so to feel? Do they love to feel excitement, to feel some connection, to feel pleasure and so on? If so, this sounds like the sort of person who enjoys feeling their way through life.
Sounds like your friends are perhaps the sort of people who generally raise you and lead you to try and see the best in yourself. Wonder if, as a group, you all challenge each other to go outside your comfort zone to 'vibe up' through adding ventures to life (adventuring). Do you tend to vibe on the same level for long periods of time until one of you or all of you can't tolerate the sameness anymore? Have you considered a collection of bucket lists that could last the next 60 years or so, raising each other to challenges on those lists? From low key challenges to ones that are thoroughly adrenaline pumping, finding what naturally psyches you up becomes the ultimate quest. You may come to find yourself as an adventurer, something you didn't know you were/are.
You mention 'Sometimes it feels like my purpose is be awake, sleep then die and be forgotten in about a week'. Wondering if you've ever considered a somewhat different take on this. What if your purpose is to wake up, put your old self to rest and have it naturally disintegrate (not an easy process by the way). It is said that the first sign of waking up is to question everything - How did I get here (to this point in my life), what is my purpose and how do I find the path of lest resistance (aka going with the flow)?
Personally, I've found that finding some solid leaders in my life makes a massive difference. Who do you know who can lead you to difference, a change in perception and a more feeling connection to life (helping you identify key feelings and what they really mean)? Who springs to mind?