Hi,

I feel like I'm a complete mess right now and have no direction of where to go in the future. I'm currently 18 years old and graduated High School last year, however, I do not currently attend Uni - due to reasons I will discuss later. Most days, I'm sat around at home doing basically nothing, staring at a phone or computer screen all day. I work 4-5 days a week however and have a steady income, as well as occasionally going out with friends or family maybe once or twice a week. Apart from this, I feel as if I have no social life due to not attending Uni the year after graduating High School.

High School was a huge mess for me. I really wanted to succeed in life and my studies, but nowadays I feel so clueless and indecisive of what I want to do. I'd say I was genuinely a smart person and still am, however, I never used this to my full advantage. From years 7-10, I was pretty much scoring A's all around, up until mid-year 11. I was suffering from a loss of a family member who had really influenced me a lot throughout my life and was always there for me. From then on, I struggled a lot with grief and everything just skyrocketed down. I started failing all my classes and although each and everyone one of my teachers were deeply worried about how I was going, I myself chose not to open up to any of them. This led to me basically failing all throughout year 11 and 12, which is considered to be the most important schooling years. Mid-year 12, I started seeing my school guidance counsellor, but obviously it was too late for this and although they were of great help, it practically got me nowhere. I was heavily lacking in motivation and confidence, leading to what I'd classify as a very low ATAR score. Each and every one of my preferences required a somewhat high score - I wanted to succeed into scientific/medical field in my younger years.

As of now, I live with my father and my older brother. Both of them think that I've started Uni and attend regularly (don't have time to check up on me due to their own lives, work, etc.), but all I do is just lay at home and work. I feel like my life is just going to keep repeating itself regularly. I'm planning to start mid-year but I feel as if I still have little to no motivation and confidence in myself to pursue into a course and actually do well. I'm scared to tell both my father and brother as I don't want to disappoint them even more, although they know how much stress I was going through in the last few years.

Hi WW2002, 

It sounds like you are having a really tough time at the moment thinking about where you want to take your studies. This is totally reasonable and a really challenging time of life for everyone as they transition from school onto the next stage of their life. It is an incredible thing to do to reach out for support and we want to thank you for showing the courage to share your story with us here today. 

There are a few resources that we have on our website that could be really useful for you and we have chucked the links in below. We also think it could be useful for you to have a chat to one of our counsellors about how you are feeling. It can be a really good way to get an idea of what the next steps can be when you talk it out with someone. Again, we will put a few options below that you can try out. 

Welcome again to this community. Please feel free to have a look around the forums and jump into conversations that you feel like you relate to. The community here is really welcoming and friendly and I'm sure they will benefit form what you have to say. Also, if you want to it would be great for you to check back in here and update us on how you are going. 

Resources to check out
https://au.reachout.com/study-work-and-money/school-and-study
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/personal-best/pillar/supporting-yourself/looking-after-yourself-in-first-year-uni
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/personal-best/pillar/wellbeing/finding-the-work-life-balance-sweet-spot
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/personal-best/pillar/wellbeing/how-to-study-mindfully

Phonelines
BeyondBlue 1300 22 4636
Lifeline 13 11 14
Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800

Webchat
Beyond Blue 
https://online.beyondblue.org.au/Webmodules/chat/InitialInformation.aspx
Kids Helpline
https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling

Kind regards, 
Sophie M

Dear WW2002~

I'm afraid it has been a fair while since you posted and it has taken until now to get a second reply. I'm glad you have already met Sophie_M who has given you a number of very useful links, I'd hope you have had a chance to explore a few.

The delay is nothing to do with you, or the subject of your post - which is important. It is simply the system does not always work as we would like -sigh.

After reading what you had to say I think you are being too hard on yourself. After all you hold down a job, not always an easy thing, and wish to have a clear direction to steer. You also sought help when you were able - a sensible move.

I'm sure you realise that your problems in years 11 and 12 were due to the passing away of that peron who loomed large in your life and was always there for you. Grief and loss are not something that disappear quickly, and the more a person meant to you the deeper the grief. It can affect your feelings and actions in all sorts of ways, including not being motivated or able or concentrate. The passing of my partner did this to me.

Of course once your started to not perform for a while it gets harder and harder to catch up. You did seek help, but at that stage catching up was not an option - which is not to say you cannot lead a productive and happy life, just perhaps not in the way you originally planned. At 18 things are flexible, which is both good and bad

Good becuse there are lots of different paths, bad precisely because there are so many paths it's easy to fail to see one that suits, leading to your current worry about having no direction. My own experience for what it's worth is a door will open when it and you are ready. Do you have anther liking within your reach you might wish to follow?

I can understand it is easy to slip into giving the impression you are at uni. Is this because your dad and brother would really hit the roof and not understand? I'm sure it is not good for you to keep up this pretense, firstly because of the ongoing danger of discovery, but secondly and more importantly it says to yourself you have something to hide because you are doing something wrong -which you are not!

It's OK to have a job and not study right now. Things may change in the future, fine, but now you are really recuperating still and need to cut yourself some slack

Do you think you might confide in your dad or brother? That way you might have an ally who can give you perspective and support

I hope we can talk again

Croix

Hello WW2002, welcome to the site and hope you are still reading different comments on the forums as well as checking up on your own thread.

Can I ask you a question and please only answer if that's what you want to do, I just wonder whether or not starting a uni course is because you might be afraid of how you will be able to interact with other people, if this is the reason, it's certainly a strong justification.

I'm not sure of what pressure you feel you are under living with your father and brother and whether they are keeping you to feel as though you have no motivation, this is your life and surely you do need support but in a positive way.

During life, we all acclaim ourselves to want to become a qualified person in some field that realistically we are not capable of doing and that certainly does disappoint us and can cause problems in our life in many directions that can affect our own well being.

Remember it's not so much about disappointing your dad and your brother, it's actually all about how you are feeling, Sophie-M has provided some excellent links to contact, but would really like to hear back from you.

Geoff.

Hello WW2002

I was like you once, what you need is a Mentor. It worked for me.