There are certain things in life that 
are completely outside of your control.

You can have all your ducks in a row and then 
something's going to throw a spanner in the works.

Growing up, I was super energetic, super 
playful, loved getting out of the house.

My parents separated when I was six. Your parents 
at that age are God in your eyes, so not having  

one of them around, you don't really understand 
separation, you don't understand why they've gone.

And then dad was killed in a workplace accident.

When you're 11 years old and you're 
traumatised by something like that, you  

just immediately look for someone to blame 
or something to blame. And I blamed myself.  

So I felt incredibly guilty, I felt extraordinary 
self-loathing. I was like, 'this is all my fault'.

It was really a case of 
pushing crap uphill all the time.

My lowest point came, I was 18 
at the time, I was at a friend's  

house for New Year's and I probably had a bit 
too much to drink. I tried to take my own life.

I feel guilty all the time, I 
hate myself, and if I have to  

put up with this for another 
50 years, I'm not interested.


I turned 22, I'd been around just as 
long without Dad as I had been with him.  

I knew that there was an issue that i wanted 
to fix, 

So I started going to therapy
and my attitude was, I'll come in  

crack me open, pour me out on the 
table and let's just fix this.


I read 'The Meditations' by Marcus Aurelius.

He's very honest with himself in it, where he'll
have a conversation with himself.

What I like most about stoic philosophy is that

it really does try to encourage in you 
an ability to look after yourself.

To understand that there's a lot of things 
that are out of your control, and that's okay.

One important thing I learned from therapy was 
I had no responsibility for what happened to dad.

I learned how to understand and deal with 
emotions and I mean I'm not saying I've got

it all under control, but once you're aware 
of it, it makes it much more easy to manage.

My brothers and I growing up, we really 
weren't very open with each other.

We all dealt with what happened differently.

Having them there, knowing that I 
can talk to them about it just makes

any issue that you have to deal with so much 
more manageable, because you don't feel like  

I'm in this by myself. I have someone that 
I can talk to and get a perspective from.

And if I need to, they can take some 
of that weight off my shoulders.

You can lie to other people, you can lie 
to your spouse, your family members, your friends,

but you can't lie to yourself.
Just acknowledging it, instead of letting it be  

that elephant in the room means that you can 
start putting steps in place to fixing it.

The initial pain of opening up
might be extraordinary,

but I didn't talk about it for 
11 years and it was much harder.