- Okay, so...
So I guess why I'm sharing this
is because I feel I'm fortunate enough
to have been through an experience
that I've managed to
learn quite a bit from.

- So I was 13 at the time.
And that was the first time
when I tried to end my life.

- So I was on a flight
and I was looking out the window.
I just wanted the plane
to fall out of the sky.
At least then I would have felt
that it wasn't my fault.

- I wish when I go to the doctor's,
he would tell me I've
got a terminal illness.

- At that time, I felt
like I had no future,
I had not hope.
I thought I was gonna
lose my children forever.

- I wanted to numb that feeling,
to numb what was going on in my own head
because I didn't understand it.

- The thought process at the time
was the only way I can escape this pain
is to escape this body.

- 'Cause I thought that
was my only option.
I was at the point that
I would do anything
just to stop the pain and the torment.

- If this was all that
there was to look forward to
for the next 50, 60 years,
I just wanted to check out.

- I just didn't wanna
be in existence anymore.
I couldn't see a reason to live.

- You're slogging through thick mud
and you look around
and you see that people
are just casually walking by.
It feels like you're at
an intense disadvantage.

- One of the common
misconceptions about suicide
is that it's a selfish act.
But in the moment of that intense pain,
it's not about a selfishness.

- You feel like you're
a burden to everyone
because of the way you feel.

- I'd learnt to be a people pleaser
and I didn't wanna be a
burden myself to others,
even at 10 years of age.

- I thought that I was actually being mean
to my family by staying here, by living.

- It felt like a solution for me
and it felt like a solution for my family.

- And yet, there was this
other side of my brain
that was telling me
that I didn't actually want to be dead.
It was just that I
wanted the pain to stop.

- I knew I wanted the pain to go away
but I didn't wanna die.
I needed to get help
desperately at that stage
but I again delayed and
delayed and delayed.

- The hardest thing to do
was to ask for help
because it acknowledges two things.
One that things aren't the way
that you want them to be
and two that they can be better.

- The worst thing that I was afraid of
was being locked up.

- The difficulty can be those first words.

- I always used to be afraid
of using the word suicidal,
are having thought of suicide?

- There's a huge relief
when you say those words out loud.

- I was met with something
completely different
that I didn't think was
going to actually happen.
I was met with support.

- They were in shock, my mates
but 100% supportive.

- I just said quite loudly
and really strongly, I tried
to end my life on the weekend.
I really need help,
and I felt an immediate sense of relief.

- You do need to seek help.
It's not a sign of weakness,
and in fact, a sign of strength.

Sammy! (growling)

- I knew something had changed.

- I put my hand up and said to my husband,
please help me.
And those three words changed everything.

- The moment that I actually
just let it all out,
I felt those really heavy
weights just lift off my body.
Not even just my shoulders, my body.
I felt lighter.
My mind felt lighter.

- That pain peaks at the top
like when you're a rollercoaster.
Eventually, it becomes bearable.

- And that was the part
that every now and then
would come into my head
and say you know, George, there is hope,
there is something out there.

- And there was so much
I would have missed.
Winning an undefeated premiership.
Even if it is the division three reserves,
it's still undefeated
as far as I'm concerned.

- It made me feel like
I wasn't in this alone.

- I'm so glad to be here
because I have my daughter.

- And you use the hope, that bit of hope,
that fight.
You keep pushing through for you.

- I know that what
you're feeling right now
feels like the only option that you have.

- I completely understand that feeling...
of not wanting to be here
and how intense that can be.

- Suicidal thoughts particularly
want you to be alone.
You're not alone.
Others have that experience
and that there is a way out of that.

- Find someone, that one person
who you feel comfortable
in saying you know what?
I'm not okay.

- You might not feel like you can do it
for yourself right now,
do it for your friends and your family
because they care about you so much.

- Hold on to that light,
no matter how small it is.

- You are, and I am
more than my depression.
I am many things.

- There's so much to hope for.

- There is a whole other side to this.

- That mindset might just change to...
maybe it is worth it.
Maybe there is a reason to keep going.

- If you or a loved one
is facing this situation,
it's so powerful just to say
to them I'm here with you.
I'll ask nothing of you
than to just sit and be together.

- I want you to live.
I want you to know that you're not alone.
Many of us care about you
and we love you even if
we haven't met you yet.