I thought I was having
a medical emergency.
I was really dizzy.
I was always really worried
that I was going to faint.
The heart palpitations, the sweaty palms.
I felt I wasn't real.
I remember going downstairs
into the foyer of the office building
and I just felt like my legs
weren't there anymore.
I was shaking, just uncontrollably.
But I guess if you were just walking past,
you probably would have just seen
someone standing in the foyer.
I had always wanted to move to London.
It was the rite of passage
for Kiwis to move overseas.
I had quite high expectations,
both from a job perspective
but also from a lifestyle perspective.
I got offered quite a good job
at a global corporation over there,
and then the Global Financial Crisis
had really started to take hold
and the offer actually got retracted.
I felt really embarrassed
because all of my friends
all had really good jobs.
I felt like a failure.
And I put so much pressure on myself
that my physical health
by that point was, was really poor.
I found it really hard to get out of bed.
And that didn't really change once
I got a job either.
I was still really despondent,
really disappointed in myself
and really unsure about how
to sort of pick myself up.
I had been having panic attacks without realising it
for a number of months.
I was googling and I came
across this anxiety website.
I remember clicking on the link
and it just came up with literally dozens
of physical symptoms.
You see them and you're like,
"I have all of this."
And I realized that I really had to do something
to look after myself
and to be able to start to enjoy the life
that I should have been able to have.
I eventually went to a GP in London
It was the best thing I could have done.
I was diagnosed with
generalized anxiety disorder,
panic disorder, depression
and health anxiety as well.
Once I had been officially diagnosed,
I think that in itself
was a huge weight lifted.
It meant that I had a way to move forward.
I look back at the person
that I was 10 years ago
and I don't see the same person now
because the way that I control my thoughts,
manage my behaviour and
the way that I approach situations
is completely different.
And it's all learned behaviour in much
the same way as you would learn
to manage a physical ailment.
I've done the same with my mental health.
There's no one sort of thing
that has got me to where I am.
It's a combination of
speaking to a psychologist
and being really open with my friends,
exercise... It all contributes to me being well.