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Forums / Grief and loss / So much loss

Topic: So much loss

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. Rain_Wizard
    Rain_Wizard avatar
    3 posts
    21 December 2021

    Hi everyone,

    I've been meaning to come on here and talk about my current situation. I'm just gonna jump straight in.

    So, i lost my mum to Cancer in July, when she got diagnosed, she was given about 5 months to live, so me and my family set out to do so much with her, go to the beach, have a family dinners etc etc, anyway, she passed away after 5 weeks and didn't get to do anything with her. The last week, she was asleep, as her body just shut down. The positive i take out of this is, we got to say our goodbyes, got to say sorry for anything etc.

    About 2 weeks ago, my family lost a father figure to Cancer, he wasn't blood relation, but we had known him for about 30 years, the majority of my life and he became somewhat of a father figure and such an important part of our family.

    During this time, me and my partner had to put one of our cats down, her body was shutting down and was in pain.

    Then a couple of days ago, a family friend passed away with Cancer, i just saw him about a month ago and he looked fine, getting on in age, but was still getting around and looked healthy, he was a great man.

    I also do contract work, and got my new contract about a week ago and my pay has gone down, quite a bit, we struggled the last 2 years (due to COVID) and was looking forward to getting a pay rise and the possibility of having a holiday to kind of process every thing that has happened. When my mum passed away, my work was very sympathetic and said i could take as much time away as i needed, but due to our financial situation, i got to take a week off and i had to go back.

    So here i sit at my computer and all i feel is numb, i don't feel suicidal, but i don't really feel much at all, i don't care about my job, i don't really care about much TBH. Christmas is coming up and i don't care much about it. I will go with the flow, do lunch and dinner, physically i will be there, but mentally i won't be, if everyone gets what i mean.

    Anyway, thanks for letting me vent and talk about my past 6 months.

    Thanks.

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6814 posts
    21 December 2021 in reply to Rain_Wizard
    Hey Rain_Wizard,

    Thank you so much for sharing this. It sounds like you’ve had an incredibly difficult time, and we can understand you'd be feeling numb. We're so glad you could share this here, though. It's a really brave and powerful thing to have done.

    Are you connected with any bereavement or mental health support currently? If you could use some more support, please have a look at the advice and directories on the Beyond Blue website here. We'd highly recommend talking to Griefline, on 1300 845 745 (6am to midnight AEDT every day). It could also be useful to go and speak to your GP about this. There's some helpful advice on grief on the Beyond Blue website, also, here. 

    Please know that you're not alone with this, you can call the Beyond Blue Support Service at any time, on 1300 22 4636. They can help you talk this through and will also be able to help you plan what's next so that you have that support in place. 

    We hope you're able to be kind to yourself through this, as you've been so kind in sharing your experience here. We're sorry to hear how things have been, and we want you to know that we're here for you. You never know how your story might help someone else, so do feel free to share more if you're comfortable to. Our wonderful community is here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

    Kind regards, 

    Sophie M 
  3. jaz28
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    jaz28 avatar
    509 posts
    21 December 2021 in reply to Rain_Wizard

    Hi there,

    I am sorry you have experienced so much loss recently. I think how you are feeling is only natural.

    Have you spoken to a GP about this? Maybe they could refer you to the appropriate services to help you process these emotions and events.

    I am sorry to hear.

    Jaz xx

  4. Rain_Wizard
    Rain_Wizard avatar
    3 posts
    26 December 2021 in reply to Sophie_M

    Thanks for the resources Sophie, i'll check them out.

    Thanks.

  5. Rain_Wizard
    Rain_Wizard avatar
    3 posts
    26 December 2021 in reply to jaz28

    Hi Jaz,

    Yeah i have spoken to my GP and i was talking to someone, but i felt they weren't the right person for me, so looking for someone else.

    Thanks.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Mich+pete
    Mich+pete avatar
    5 posts
    16 February 2022

    Ok this is my first attempt to put it in writing about the last 4 years I have had...

    Firstly on new years day 01/01/18 my rainbow baby passed away suddenly aged 24

    Several months later a cousin in law and my brother in law lady friend passed away.

    Again Several more months my brother in law passed away.

    Next just after that another 2 cousins passed away within a couple of weeks of each other.

    Then an Aunty passed.

    Then a neighbour of 30+ for years passed.

    then last year my little brother only 51 passed away, then a week later my mother in law 94 passed.

    It took the police several days to find me because my brother didn't have my contact details on him !

    Please no more I haven't got the energy all this in 4 years 💔

  7. yaraxia
    yaraxia  avatar
    4 posts
    5 March 2022 in reply to Rain_Wizard
    Thanks for sharing your story, I can relate to a lot of it. I unexpectedly lost my half-brother in 2020 and my uncle and my father in early 2021. My mother is also progressively losing her vision and I've been grieving about that. I spoke to a grief counsellor recently and I would definitely recommend it to everyone. One of the points that I came away with is that grief never goes away, it stays with you for life. I'm a different person today than I was in 2020. In our society we are expected to mourn for a few weeks and get on with it but thats not how the grieving process works. I don't know if it's healthy but distracting myself has helped. If I'm not working I'm volunteering or studying something new or connecting with friends.
    1 person found this helpful

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