I am autistic. I've struggled with friendships my entire life. My wife spent all of last year saying she wanted to leave me, or be in an open relationship. We got through that and are doing pretty good now. However, I met a lady I really liked when we were open (I met quite a few but one stood out) and I had to cut things off with her because when I went back to blissful monogamy, she kept pushing me for sex. I had one close friend for the first time in my life, I helped him when he was homeless and he lived with us 6 months. When his daughter turned 18 he became sexually interested in her 18 yo friends, to the point I'd visit and he'd be too busy texting some 18 yo girl. He borrowed money he didn't repay and I used that as an excuse to end that friendship. My wife lives 2 hours drive from me, I see her 1-2 weeks a month. I spent a week a month interstate for work, with my dad who is very far from me politically and very bigoted and sexist. I just feel like I don't belong anywhere and whereever I am, if I am not with my wife, I have no friends I can talk to or count on. I've had the same email friend for over a decade and he's literally my only friendship. I do love going to live music and last time I went, I again met someone random and talked to them all night, I am not hard to get along with. I have two kids, one lives with me and has started spending some time with me again (I was basically an alcoholic all last year and he withdrew), but I only see him one week a month. My other son lives in a house I just bought him, and we see each other once a week when I am there, which is then once or twice a month. I also can't use social media, I got a Facebook ban for saying my honest opinion. Social media is basically broken and I am nearly always on a ban because I often speak my mind when it comes to people promoting hate or division. I feel like if I just didn't care I would do better. I guess I just feel after 53 years, I need to get used to not having friends again. I've had others but they all drift away with time. I'm in a band but struggle to turn that into friendship (the bass player also votes one nation so that's a hard pass).
I guess I took the 2500 character limit as a challenge :) Sorry for waffling on. I'm not even sure what I'm asking for, I just know I feel sad a lot of the time.