I just read your post and hope it’s not too late to reply. We have a child with Cerebral Palsy and he can’t toilet himself or walk or talk. It’s incredibly difficult a lot of the time to care for him because he has so many needs and things he can’t do himself.
It’s even harder when you are struggling with your own mental health issues and I have been through a particularly difficult time recently, including a stay in hospital. Sometimes it’s so hard to get motivated to care for him but I do it as he can’t do it himself. I feel guilty for my feelings at times, but remember, they are normal so don’t beat yourself up.
I get some counselling through his main disability service. That way they can offer extra support. I really look forward to respite, so he can have some time out and my husband and I can have some time together.
I love my son tremendously and would do anything for him but yes, I know how hard it is. His behaviour is pretty good which helps. I find that I worry a lot about the future and how I’m going to care for him. Also if I’m feeling particularly sensitive, it’s hard going out because people naturally stare. He doesn’t look ‘obviously’ disabled, but being in a wheelchair and his ‘flapping’ at times draws attention to him.
Hang in there. It’s hard when you’ve got other stuff going on too, but it’s the reality of the situation, try not to be too hard on yourself.