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Forums / Young people / Depressed girlfriend is completely ignoring me and it seems as if I'm the only one.

Topic: Depressed girlfriend is completely ignoring me and it seems as if I'm the only one.

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. dct99
    dct99 avatar
    3 posts
    16 April 2017

    Hey everyone, a few weeks ago, my girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend revealed to me that she suffers from clinical depression and anxiety and wants to put our relationship on hold for now. The reasons she put forth was that she was about to enter an episode and doesn't want it to affect my final year of highschool and she does not want to burden me. I completely respect this decision and made it clear that I will always be available whenever she wants to talk.

    After this event we only talked occasionally, but then she has begun to completely ignore me. In the few messages and texts I send her way, she reads them yet does not reply. However, she is very active on social media and is constantly in contact with her close friends, and seems to be in a good mood around them. I know she isn't trying to hide the fact she has depression because all her close friends already know. So while she is actively socialising with her friends she is very cold towards me. We both work casual jobs at the same workplace and even when I see her in person she does not acknowledge me, unless it is something work related in which she will reply with one or two word answers. She doesn't even look in my direction.

    This leads me to believe that it is specifically me she is ignoring and yet I don't know why. It has left me broken and I'm not sure what to think or what to believe. I have thoughts that run through my head that I may have done something and don't know what it is, or if she just wants to break up with me and see someone else without saying it straight up. These thoughts I admit are unhealthy and I brushed them off immediately.

    I don't want to ask her about it because that would probably make things worse. I'm leaning towards the belief that she just doesn't want to burden me and feels guilty for ignoring me, but I can't help thinking negative thoughts on why she is doing this.

    I'm just very confused, and I fear that she will never talk to me again, even if it's just as a friend. And I fear that our relationship will never be rekindled. I'm just looking for insight on why she might be doing this, and some advice on what I should do, and if she may one day come back.

    Thanks everyone.

  2. Guest_989
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Guest_989 avatar
    59 posts
    16 April 2017 in reply to dct99

    She may feel that you constantly messaging her, isn't respecting her wish to put the relationship on hold.

    Its possible she is being particularly standoffish to create that distance from you, as she may feel you are forcing her to respond.

    Appearing happy and social doesn't necessarily mean that she is, that could just be a front she is putting on

  3. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    7959 posts
    16 April 2017 in reply to dct99

    Dear Dct99~

    Welcome to the Forum, and thank you for posting. I can remember when at high school human relationships were difficult and mysterious, and it was very easy to be confused as to why people acted they way they did.

    I'm afraid that you should consider the possibility that your ex-GF does not want to keep going with you, and is not being entirely straight with you by saying she wants things 'on hold'.

    For anyone to beak up a relationship is a difficult thing, and many will try to 'soften the blow' in an ill-advised attempt to make things easier. Not a good idea as it leaves the other person in limbo, just waiting.

    Any relationship is a partnership where each person cares for the other. It looks like your ex-GF can see you are unhappy but simply avoids you, that is not being caring.

    When I've suffered depression I have simply not been able to be 'two' people. I could not be cold and distant to one set of people and happy and friendly with another. I'd be the same to all.

    May I suggest you try to look after yourself, and not stay waiting, hoping things will get back to how they were. Find other friends and let things go.

    I'm sorry I do not have more hopeful message for you.Please write back as often as you'd like.

    Croix

  4. dct99
    dct99 avatar
    3 posts
    16 April 2017 in reply to Guest_989

    Hi Azbox, thank you for replying.

    I guess I can see how my messages can make things worse as it may make her feel obligated to respond. I guess my plan right now is to focus on my studies. However, I receive mixed advice from different people. Some say I should not talk to her at all for the time being and give her as much space as possible until she is ready to talk. Others say that I should occasionally (maybe once every month) send her a message reaffirming the fact that I'm still here for her. This just adds to my confusion on what to do. Right now I don't know if she even wants to be friends for the time being, or if she even still cares about me or not. I still care deeply about her and it saddens me that I'm in no position to offer support.

  5. dct99
    dct99 avatar
    3 posts
    16 April 2017 in reply to Croix

    Hi Croix, thanks for the reply.

    This is a possibility that I have considered. That she may just be trying to "soften the blow". The thing that confuses me is that it was very sudden. At one point we were going very strong and we both wanted this to be long term. In the space of a week she began to ignore me. The plan that I may take is to for now, focus on my school work but as soon as it finishes in November I'll see where it's at. Even if she does want to end things with me I would still hope I can get an explanation as to why, instead of being ignored again. If she does want to end things, I would hope that we could still be friends, however, if she continues to ignore me I don't know if that can still happen.

    I know that people respond to depression differently and I still hold onto the belief that she will come back. If she does not then I will respect that wish and then move on.

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