There is loads of complex things that have happened in the past and I currently cant afford a psych...... so I am beyond the point of lost.
(1)Now i have my first kid on the way, i know i am deeply happy about that. But nervous!
(2)I have made a huge mistake that hurt someone and it haunts me.
(3)My anxiety ( assumed by doctors and myself )Picks up a lot and creates situations in my head that i believe is real, running from my father and my partner having sex to demon under the bed.
(4)Work and money with Covid-19... i know we are all in this. :(
(5)My dreams i have and life goals i cant reach because of drive or something... (help)
(6)Past depression, self harm and attempts.
wooo i know right semi normal start to life....... But i dont want to keep on this path im on. These dreams i have i want to get too. I want them badly and love the thoughts i have of them. But from (3) and (5) i struggle. Its a daily thing. First i get started, I write my book and start to learn to speak Spanish or a bunch of other stuff i want to do (my goals). But then something clicks and i ether shut down or my anxiety starts to run a thought threw my head and it feels so real i just stop.
Quick touch up on the anxiety. I get caught up in thought. At the time it seems so real and i react as it is (never voicing it to anyone its not who i am) For others i explain it as like the matrix. How they add something to the environment and you see it as real, its been there the full time. the only way you can tell its not is look so closely at it. (and that can hurt)
Back to it, i want these goals so badly, i just cant seem to shake these moments i lose interest in my goals. I have tried many of the surface level stuff. Instagram inspirational posts, basic guides online and so on. But it hasn't worked for me at all.
What i really need right now is some help finding a way to keep on track so i can reach my goals. Or a way to get motivation when i dont have any.
The rest of my life i can handle with time and having the drive im missing. I believe at least.
I am open minded and would love to hear it all. For those who may be worried for me im fine, im not depressed that i know of XD. But all jokes aside, im stuck hard. I need, want, deserve and trying to get to my goals. So please someone help.
wont lie if its the same old response or something similar i will probably get stuck more.