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Forums / Anxiety / I keep messing up at work and I constantly self sabotage

Topic: I keep messing up at work and I constantly self sabotage

16 posts, 0 answered
  1. M3758
    M3758 avatar
    6 posts
    4 September 2021

    Hey there 😊

    I've recently made a pretty big mistake at work by not submitting a report I knew was supposed to, I avoided it and hoped it would work out and now the consequences of that have effected a client receiving what they need.

    I have been making little mistakes constantly but at the time i make them, I don't feel bad, it's only after that I feel guilty. My manager has already put things in place to support me but I just don't think I'm cut out for the role. I'm super embarrassed about how bad I've let it become by not doing what I am supposed and I'm extremely anxious to discuss it with my boss Monday.

    The big mistake can be corrected and I would like to fix it but I feel like I will be fired. I am looking for other jobs and I guess I'm looking for tips to come to terms with that I've stuffed up.

  2. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    1537 posts
    4 September 2021 in reply to M3758

    Hi M3758,

    Wellcome to our forums!

    Sorry you are feeling this way.

    I think it’s great that your manager is putting things in place to help you, managers can be very understanding in regards to mistakes and the way you are feeling….. just be open and honest with your manager….

    As you said the mistake can be corrected….. it may not be as big to your manager as it is to you….

    We learn and grow from our mistakes try not to be embarrassed by them because it can teach you something which is invaluable..

    If your anxiety is causing you distress and effecting your life you can see your gp you can do a mental health plan together this will enable you to see a psychologist.

    Im here to chat

  3. Croix
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    Croix avatar
    10547 posts
    4 September 2021 in reply to M3758

    Dear M3758~

    I'd like to join Petal22 in welcoming you and reinforcing what was said, it's true we all make mistakes, some trivial, some larger. It's part of being human and yes - we can learn from them.

    There are obvious things like not hurrying or trying to do to many things at ones, using a calculator or spreadsheet rather then mental arithmetic -and so on.

    it can go further and seeking advice about a particular problem (as you are doing here).

    I suppose I'd like to ask two questions if you did not mind.

    The first is pretty obvious, is there some sort of reason why you make these mistakes? Overwork or a physical thing like a crowded noisy office or a mental thing hard concepts to grasp?

    The other question is about your thread title were you imply you self-sabotage. Do you really think you go out of your way to make yourself look bad or perform badly, or was that just a throw-away phrase?

    I remember as I became more and more anxious at work I'd make more and more mistakes - ironic really, I tried harder and harder, and ended up making things worse and worse. I even got to the stage where I'd spend so long getting one task perfect I'd simply not do others due pt lack of time.

    I would like it if you came back and said what you thought.

    Croix

  4. Goldwing03
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    Goldwing03 avatar
    27 posts
    4 September 2021

    Dear Croix!

    I totally understand your concern. Making mistakes is not the best feeling. It's important to figure out where you are going wrong and try to utilize the support systems that your manager has provided. It may be that you are making mistakes because you are anxious and stressed. If this is the case, make sure you talk a GP or somebody else that you can trust, and they may help you cope.

    Well done for reaching out :)

  5. geoff
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    15552 posts
    5 September 2021 in reply to M3758

    Hello M3758, OK today's Sunday, so write down on some paper why you made your choice, you know that this can be rectified, so you have every right to tell your boss why you hadn't submitted the report and you are entitled to do this, especially as 'he has already put things in place to support me'.

    Everyone has a right to explain their actions and as he has supported you, he still wants you to stay, you might give him better ideas of why and how you did this.

    Geoff.

  6. M3758
    M3758 avatar
    6 posts
    5 September 2021 in reply to Petal22

    Hi Petal,

    Thank you for the welcome. This is such a great way to get advice from people which no judgement and from people who experience the same feelings as I am.

    I realised my mistake at 3pm Friday and drove myself sick to the point where I had constant hot flushes, racing heart and could not think of everything. This continued until 3:30am and that's when I decided to call the hotline Friday night and spoke to man about it which soothed my thought enough for me to get a few hours sleep.

    This kind of reaction happens alot when something bad comes up and I feel like it's not a normal reaction.

    I did spend all weekend trying to distract myself, I watched endless movies to escape my thoughts but it only lasts for a little while and I'm back to that pressure in my neck, throat and chest and the hot flushes are back.

    Yes will do, I am going to call my GP to book in to see a counsellor because I tired of feeling overwhelmed.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. M3758
    M3758 avatar
    6 posts
    5 September 2021 in reply to Croix

    Hi Croix,
    Thank you for the welcome.

    It's been a crazy year so far, I started this job in February and it's nothing like a thought it was going to be. We've had a system change, a management change, KPI's introduced and 2 people up and quit which has put alot of pressure on the remaining people in our office. I find the change of system and management has put alot of pressure on us to only meet KPI's and has switched the focus from working for the people with disabilities to working for a just profit.

    I also have come from an education background so the shift from face to face with people to an office has been hard and the main supports I had in this role, one quit and the other has gone on prac until the end of September.

    As for the self sabotaging, I've done it my whole life

    • Late to school everyday since I can remember, Late to events and Late to work
    • Procrastinate all the time/putting things off until the last minute or that I need to do
    • Never really finish a project
    • Say I'll do something and don't
    • And "forget" all the time.

    I always feel guilty and terrible about myself yet I continue to do it all the time and it's exhausting.


  8. M3758
    M3758 avatar
    6 posts
    5 September 2021 in reply to Goldwing03

    Hi Goldwing

    Thanks for the kind words. Yes I do believe that's what is going on. I have thought about getting professional hp for a while to talk about how stressed I am but like always I put everything off until it snowballs into a big hot mess.

    Calling my GP for real this time though for Drs App and referral to a GP.

  9. M3758
    M3758 avatar
    6 posts
    5 September 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff,

    You're right. I did write down what I am going to say and how it got to this point. I know I can fix it but I will lose face and trust with some allied health in my field and I know it will effect my reputation and my ability to the job and that makes me sick to my stomach.

    I will say but that I did come to my mums and spent some time with her which made me feel better. Due to this lockdown I am I can only leave the house for essential things however me and my mum are both in a single bubble so I can see her. It was good to have some human connection and cuddle.

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Croix
    Community Champion
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    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10547 posts
    5 September 2021 in reply to M3758

    Dear M3758~

    I really do hope you make a start wiht a GP quickly. Geoff's idea of writing things down and sharing the paper is an excellent one I've used myself - plus you have time first to get thngs down exactly right.

    I could never improve myself by myself, it took outside help to do that . From your list of things it looks, like me, you have a fair bit to 'unlearn' as it were about yourself and medical help is the way I found works.

    Seeking help many years ago seemed to be a weakness, which peple who need it being regarded as weak or less competent.

    That has changed, for any knowledgeable peron seeing another seek help is a sign they have intelligent and effective coping abilities - a strenght.

    Please let us know how you go.

    Croix

  11. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    1537 posts
    5 September 2021 in reply to M3758

    Hi M3758,

    I understand all of the feelings that you just described……. I also had these……….

    Id do something at work that would worry me, I’d go home on a Friday and spend the remainder of the weekend worrying about it…….. I’d often have this reaction with a lot of things in my life………. It came to a point in my life that this worrying became severe………. I was always highly anxious…..

    I went to my gp and explained my symptoms my gp advised I had anxiety we did a mental health plan together this enabled me to see a clinical psychologist and psychiatrist I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder…. This then led me to a 8 week therapy at a clinic that specialised in OCD…… I learned to master my OCD…. I’m now recovered…..

    By seeing your gp and psychologist you will be given many strategies to help you to deal with what you are going through….

    I have written two threads you may be interested in reading

    Someone who had OCD and recovered

    and

    Effective treatment for OCD Metacognitive therapy

    Im here to chat

  12. Goldwing03
    blueVoices member
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    Goldwing03 avatar
    27 posts
    5 September 2021 in reply to M3758
    That's good. Well done for getting help. Proud of you :)
  13. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    15552 posts
    6 September 2021 in reply to M3758

    Hello M3758, try not to believe that you will lose face that will affect your reputation, doesn't that happen when we are thinking in a negative way, yes it happens many times when we feel locked in a corner and that's when we don't pick up on any positive comments because the negative ones take control.

    Now try and walk away from this situation, have some chocolate with your mum to change your mood and then approach this in a different way, there are always 2 sides to a story.

    Geoff.

  14. Nervybella
    Nervybella avatar
    141 posts
    6 September 2021 in reply to M3758

    Hey M3758

    i hope your day was ok today! Did you end up speaking to your boss?
    Something I have found useful in the past is speaking to a trusted colleague who may not be your direct manager - maybe a HR rep.. you will know who is appropriate.

    please keep in touch, you have access to a wonderful community here that are always happy to lend an ear :)

    Best

    bella x

  15. M3758
    M3758 avatar
    6 posts
    7 September 2021

    Hi there 🤗

    Thought I'd give you guys a little update.

    So I called the person I was meant to send the report to and explained where I had gone wrong and it turned out to be quite a quick and easy fix.She was super understanding and said it happens all the time.

    I also called my client and explained my mistake and they also were very understanding and were happy to wait for me to rectify it.

    Due the quick and streamlined way it could be fixed, I didn't actually have to notify my boss of my mistake and should be sorted by the end of the week and I can finally breathe.

    Even though I was able to rectify the mistake, I still made an appointment for this Friday to speak to my GP about some mental health support and copying strategies, i also reached out to a colleague who was previously in my role for some advice on stress and that was very helpful.

    I've decided that I need to make an exit plan from this job within the next 3 to 5 months once I have something else in place. I don't love the job and i would like to be in a more hands on role.

    I would also just like to say a big thank you to everyone who commented and offered advice and kind words. This is such a great platform and accepting community.

    Hope yous are all staying safe.

    ❤ M

    1 person found this helpful
  16. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    1537 posts
    7 September 2021 in reply to M3758

    Hi M3758,

    Thats great!

    Well done also for making your appointment with your gp, I think by yourself doing a mental health plan and seeing a psychologist will really help you in the future….. it will help you to deal with your thoughts in a positive way 😊

    Always happy to help you and support you anytime in this community 😊

    Wishing you all the best

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