Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / BB Social Zone / Canada - other highlights (the last one, I promise :)

Topic: Canada - other highlights (the last one, I promise :)

18 posts, 0 answered
  1. Neil_1
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    Neil_1 avatar
    4232 posts
    1 August 2014

    I think I could write forever about this time away, but I might wrap it up here;   although another thing that I did that I didn’t think I’d ever do was to go zip-lining and that was FUN!  Firstly with my daughter up at Grouse Mountain in Vancouver;  and the 2nd time on the cruise with both son and daughter at a little place called Skagway, in amongst a huge pine forest.  That’s pretty much the major tree over there – pines.  And zip-lining is awesome fun.  

    Other highlights

    In Kelowna, we got to hire a speed boat (250 horsepower engine) and boy oh boy, that was some awesome fun.  Driving a speed boat out on a massive lake was just AWE-some.  That’s something I’ve always wanted to do and is also on a list of things that I’d like to own in my future and to do some fishing, etc.  What a buzz that was.  

    And in Ketchikan (Alaska) we took a tour off our cruise ship and boarded a float plane.  The float plane business in Alaska and Vancouver is massive and we saw so many of them taking off etc, that we thought, we really should do this.  So in the plane there was room for 7, including the pilot and that’s another incredible experience that’s really hard to describe.  We flew over some great scenery near Ketchikan, mountains, streams and many lakes.  Even landed on a lake and we got to stand out on the float of the plane for a little while, with gigantic mountains rising up all around us.  It was peaceful beyond words.  

     In Banff, we also were able to hire a little boat with a small-ish outboard motor and took it out  on a lake and the kids were able to operate that one, which was a big thrill for them.  

    Alaska and Canada, over and out.  

    Neil

  2. gmc
    gmc avatar
    209 posts
    1 August 2014 in reply to Neil_1

    Looks like it's been an amazing trip, Neil. I'm very glad for you. As I read, I was imagining all of it. It surely was a great time and I hope you "recharged your batteries" for the next year or so.

  3. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15566 posts
    2 August 2014 in reply to Neil_1
    dear Neil, my friend, it's so lovely to have you back, but not taking anything away from your holiday, which sounds to have been a brilliant time for you all. Geoff.
  4. Stuck14
    Stuck14 avatar
    324 posts
    2 August 2014 in reply to geoff
    Welcome back Neil. Sounds like you all had an incredible holiday!!! Hope the jet lag doesn't last too long an that all those amazing experiences an feelings you had on your trip will stay with you forever. How are your kids??? 
  5. Jo3
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Jo3 avatar
    2269 posts
    2 August 2014 in reply to Neil_1

    Hi Neil

    Sounds like you and your family had an AMAZING holiday.  Though I am so glad that you are back on here, I have missed you heaps!!!

    Take care and chat again soon

    Jo 

    ps. sorry it's a short post

  6. Neil_1
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    Neil_1 avatar
    4232 posts
    2 August 2014 in reply to Stuck14

    Dear gmc, Geoff, Shay and Jo

    Thank you all for your kind responses and yes, the trip was just amazing.  Although now I'm coming down with some kind of flu like thing - bad sore throat and achey.  I blame the plane trip I reckon - such a bad place to be on in confined spaces for a long time.  Oh well, plenty of water and rest - still it sux to be crook after such a top holiday.

    Shay;  our daughter is her normal amazingly wonderful self - although we had some really bad sad news upon our arrival home - one of her budgies passed away about a week before we got back - which caused her heaps of sadness and tears.  Certainly not the best way to arrive back;  but she had a brilliant holiday.

    Our son - um, well - he's super happy to be back home in his room with his internet stuff that he does.  Things seem to be ok on the front of any self harming, as far as we can tell.  But on a not so good note;  the two of us really locked horns on a number of occasions overseas.  So much so, that I was in tears a couple of times afterwards.  Not such a good fatherly role model thing - really hard to describe about it all.  But largely to do with him always correcting me with things I say or the way I drive, or largely anything that I do.  So where does that leave us for the future?  Excellent questions.  I don't know at this stage.

    Neil

     

  7. Stuck14
    Stuck14 avatar
    324 posts
    4 August 2014 in reply to Neil_1
    I'm so sorry to hear about your daughters budgie, it's always so sad an hard when you lose a pet. Hope that she is doing as well as possible <3

    I'm also very sorry to hear about you an your son. This must be so unbearably hard for you as all you want is for him to be happy an healthy an know that he is loved. It's great news in regards to the self harming an is it possible that him challenging you an criticising you is a sign of him getting better? I know it probably sounds really stupid,  but is it possible that his attitude now is bolder an more apparent then before when he was really struggling?? Its not good that you seem to be coping it an it must be gut wrenching as you love him so much. I don't know If any of that makes sense an I'm sorry if I've said anything wrong or out of place, just thinking out loud. Would there be an opportunity for you both to have counselling together or even some kind of mediation so that you both can get some things off your chest in a semi controlled environment?? Again, just a thought. 

  8. Neil_1
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    Neil_1 avatar
    4232 posts
    5 August 2014 in reply to Stuck14

    Dear Shay

    Firstly let me say that you don't have to say sorry for anything you wrote and I'm so pleased that you offered some good insight into the situation.  And wow, you hit the nail on the head with a few things you said.

    In particular the gut wrenching part - yeah, all we (and I) wanted was for him to come out of the self-harming thing and to be "ok".  Nothing more, just ok would have been fine.  But the self harming thing seems to have been replaced with, I don't know, to me it honestly seems a hatred towards me.

    To be honest on the holiday, there were so many instances of it, that it really got to me.  You've seen people before who give really evil looks and that they stare you down and if they had something in their hands, you'd think that they'd do something really nasty to you - well that's the kind of stuff I was subjected too.  I was also made to feel quite dumb on a number of occasions as well and yeah, you know, I even wrote in my diary on a couple of occasions that I just feel absolutely gutted.

    Nothing Shay that you said sounded stupid at all - it was a great post and I thank you so much for it.  The people who looked after our home, a lovely young couple, they took Daffodil away and wrapped him in newspaper and put him in his Dad's deep freeze - to await what my daughter wanted to do.  We got him back on Saturday and had a little ceremony in the back yard and where we buried him, we went and bought some daffodils and planted those around where he now lies.  Always heart-breaking stuff, but it's going to be a lovely memory/momento for him.

    Kind regards

    Neil

     

  9. Stuck14
    Stuck14 avatar
    324 posts
    5 August 2014 in reply to Neil_1
    I'm so sorry to hear how his behaviour has really hurt you to your core. I couldn't even begin to imagine what it feels like. Is it possible, an I hope I'm wrong, that the hate he is expressing to you an him making you feel dumb is maybe more about him an how he feels about himself and that because you are the loving an caring father that you so clearly are that your the first he lashes out at. Maybe he doesn't know how to express it in a healthy way an the way he's possibly feeling about himself is overwhelming him. Im probably completely off the mark an I'm so sorry if I've overstepped the mark. Your a fantastic father Neil an please don't ever think your not!! I wish there were more fathers out there like you, mine hasn't spoken to since the start of Jan. 

    That was great what your house sitters did. An the ceremony an planting the daffodils is just fantastic. Something she will always have to remember him. It's is heartbreaking an I think we carry a little or alot of that with us for the rest of our lives.

    Please take care Neil, an I hope your feeling better too 

  10. Stuck14
    Stuck14 avatar
    324 posts
    5 August 2014 in reply to Neil_1
    I have another post that must still be going through the process of being published but I just wanted to add that maybe it might also be a hormonal thing with your son. I forget how old he is but for any teens, hormones are raging an maybe because your the only other man in the house he is challenging you to prove his manly hood or something. I don't know, just thoughts which aren't really any good sorry.
  11. Neil_1
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    Neil_1 avatar
    4232 posts
    6 August 2014 in reply to Stuck14

    Dear Shay

    I really appreciate your posts and thoughts on this.  Because I've got no idea and any other thoughts are great on the subject.

    To be honest, I really don't know - but the hormonal thing could well be one thing (he's 16yo).

    It's so difficult because he won't talk to us - you can barely get a word out of him, but put him in front of his computer, where he plays this game with his friends and you can hear laughing and joking and carrying on with them.  So I guess at least he's happy when he's doing that.

    Did you know that with the game that he's playing, that they do play it on a world wide basis and they have championships for it each year.  Last year's event had a prize pool of over $20M !!   It's kind of hard to believe ... and teams consist of 5 people and they have to battle another team and it's a last man standing type competition.  Anyway, so that's his number one thing at the moment to try and build his expertise on that.

    And I know exactly what you mean about how things are dealt with as children, cause yep, you do remember them as you get older and for a lot of it, it does sure help to shape you AND also you reflect either fondly or not so fondly on how things went.

    Neil

     

  12. gmc
    gmc avatar
    209 posts
    6 August 2014 in reply to Neil_1

    Dear Neil,

    I don't know if it's useful to you or not, but let me give you the example of two kids I know: one of my friends since childhood, Bianca, and my brother George. Bianca was so difficult to deal with in high school (she's 21 now), that her mother cried all over that she lost her daughter. She was into drinking, parties, smoking, all sort of bad entourage. My parents many times told me that I would ruin my reputation if I talked to her, even tried to forbid me to see her, but I didn't care. I said just wait until she grows a little up, when she would have to leave her friends to do to university, and guess what happened? All of that stopped when I'd said it'd stop. She's fine now, she has a job, she goes to university, she's into projects there and it all goes well.

    My brother George was close to not passing the bacalaureat, but he did. He's 19 now. He has all those friends my parents hate and does all the teenager stuff like smoking, drinking, is away from home all day and almost all night, but he's been admitted to a good college and, mostly, like Bianca, he'll be in the same situation, he'll go away from his friends and he will have a sort of normal time for a young man.

    I don't know, my examples don't seem to be the best, but there's what I wanna say: their bodies heal very fast, for example, they're very young. The same happenes to their mind, it changes very fast, they're in search of an identity. It's ok, you're a parent, you're worried... But be a little patient 'cause once they have something for sure and they know what to do in life, it all gets easier.

    gmc

  13. Stuck14
    Stuck14 avatar
    324 posts
    6 August 2014 in reply to gmc
    Hey Neil,

    I hate to say it, but at his age, I think it's pretty normal to not really talk to your parents. An it must be hurting you so much, but I honestly think it's just an age thing, an like most, it will eventually pass. You have mentioned a few times before about these online games that he's really into, which is fantastic. Is there any chance that it's something you could try to get involved in?? Just a thought an it may open up the dialogue a bit as you would not have common ground am a shared interest, especially with a prize pool like that. 

    I think your daughter will have fond memories an that's what she will carry wirh her. I knowy poor brother watched his rabbit die, even made him throw up an he's refused to have any kind of pet ever. What you guys did to celebrate the life of her budgie was incredibly beautiful and important. Your doing a fantastic job!!

     

  14. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15566 posts
    7 August 2014 in reply to Neil_1

    dear Neil, my friend, while I was reading the posts I was thinking about his hormones, and Shay has mentioned it, which was good of her.

    My sons are now in their 30's, and your son is no different to what mine did, they would always go out and come home late, joke and have fun in their bedrooms, and to even talk to them about stopping what ever, was impossible, in one ear and out the other, it's a process that goes on, they know more than I did, or what my wife said, or perhaps they would agree but then do their own thing.

    Look after yourself with this damn cold, and I'm sure that antibiotics don't work these days. Geoff.

  15. Neil_1
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    Neil_1 avatar
    4232 posts
    7 August 2014 in reply to gmc

    In reverse order:

    Dear Geoff:   firstly, went to the Doc yesterday and he said that there are heaps of cases of this flu - he did give me a good check over (almost like a grease and oil change - um almost);  but at the end, he said to keep doing what I'm doing.  The cold and flu tablets, some food when I can and heaps and heaps of water AND rest.  Well the rest part is easy, cause I get tired just moving from room to room.

    Dear Shay:   it's funny isn't it, but you're right - in that teenagers do change and don't talk to their parents and such - cause I've heard it so much from people at work.  I just forget about that when it comes to my own.  Selective memory!  :(   And while on our holiday, we actually spent time with our son to ask him about his online gaming - about how it all works, the 5 people in a team, how the other teams go;  where he thinks his team is heading;  how strong they are, etc etc.  We spent around 45 minutes - asking questions and he answered them.  You know, it was really really good.   But then, the next day seemed like that had never happened.

    Dear gmc:   and thank you also for you comments as well - and they had a strong message and one that I took in - and again, like Shay mentioned and Geoff;  that it is this period they're going through and after a time (who knows how long, he'll come out the other side).  I guess that's the thing though  (a) I hope he DOES come out the other side and (b) I hope his image/impression of me hasn't been damaged too much during this process.

    The other thing I see though is with our daughter.  She is the exact opposite of him (she's 13yo - closing in on 14yo), but she LOVES spending time with us and these are times that I really really cherish.  And to be honest, I can't see her changing to be the 'silent, withdrawn teenager' at all.  If she does, then so be it, but I really can't see her being that way.  She's not really into girly things;  nor boys, nor make-up, etc.  She's just who she is and that is one amazing person.  Oh oh, I have a story to tell about her.  But this post might be too long.  I'll commence it straight after I send this.

     

  16. Neil_1
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    Neil_1 avatar
    4232 posts
    7 August 2014 in reply to Neil_1

    We spent a number of days in Vancouver (oh and perhaps some of you might need to get tissues out - cause when this happened, I cried (it was tears of emotion and joy and yeah, you'll work out why)

    On the streets of Vancouver, we saw so many homeless people.  I can't recall seeing a higher percentage of homeless people on city streets in anywhere I've travelled.

    We had dinner one night and my daughter ate probably half her meal and then stopped.  We had a chat and she said she wanted to see if they could arrange it into a take-away container - which the restaurant did.

    She then said she wanted to go and find a homeless person and give it to them.  So we grabbed up a takeaway knife and fork also and napkins and we headed out.

    We didn't have to go too far and we found this young-ish fellow pushing a shopping trolley - with a massive limp;   he was using an old golf stick to help him move.  We went up to him and asked him if he would like a meal?   He said, "Oh yes please and thank you thank you".   He took it and put it down in his trolley and thanked us again;   I patted him on the back and we told him "you're welcome".

    We watched that man for a while - he managed to just cross the street, limping, pushing his trolley.  He went to a garbage bin and found what looked like a McDonald's drink container - which he drank out of and placed it back in the trash and hobbled around the corner.

    It was at that stage that I grabbed my daughter, gave her the biggest hug and cried.  Actually I've got tears in my eyes now just remembering that evening.  I said to her that I can't recall ever seeing someone do something so wonderful as what she just did and also said to her that at least he's going to eat well tonight.

    Later that night I was thinking - this is ONE story that I'll never forget and that I really wanted to share it with my friends on Beyond Blue.

     

  17. Stuck14
    Stuck14 avatar
    324 posts
    7 August 2014 in reply to Neil_1
    Your daughter is an absolutely remarkable young woman!! She is so kind an has such a beautiful an warm soul. An you know what Neil? She is like that because of how she has been brought up by her parents, an that's you!!! This is yet more proof of what an extrodanary father you are an that your doing and amazing job!!! Such a beautiful an moving thing that she did an I bet that man will never forget it either.
  18. Girl_Anachronism
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Girl_Anachronism avatar
    899 posts
    13 August 2014 in reply to Stuck14

    Hi Neil, 

    I am avidly reading all of your holiday posts and it spunds like you had one hell of a holiday, even if there were down times. I am envious of the opportunity. The whale watching sounded amazing. 

    It also sounds like you have raised one amazing daughter. Being an avid gamer myself, I know somewhat what your son is doing. I could probably narrow it down to three possible games, given your description. Does he see his friends outside of the internet? My stepson played those games and always was on multiplayer. I have always beenabit more of a one or two person player, with exception of the years I sunk into the MMO worlds. Does he go to LAN parties, if he plays with friends from school? 

    I am really glad to hear you are back and had a good time. Thank you for commenting on my own thread. Despite crying, I got a huge grin on my face when I saw you were back. 

    GA

     

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up