Yeah the fear of not wanting someone to think you're crazy is a big one for me too!
I've struggled with anxiety and depression since my teens, and i've felt lonely through out but it's been the past couple of months that the loneliness and lack of connection has really started to get intense and bother me, I feel sorry that you have felt like this for years!
I actually had a little look online recently for mental health support groups. I was in a pretty bad mental state and i felt like it would help a little bit if i could tell just one person what was going on, and i was thinking a support group would be a good place for that, perhaps less scary to open up if everyone is in the same boat. I did feel a bit pathetic though googling support groups. Like i'm 24, i should have more friends and better relationships with people, i shouldn't be having to go online to find people to be friends with. And i'd feel awkward telling someone in my life that i'm going to a support group, kinda sounds like i'm addict going to support meetings, but I found one where i live so i'm going to check it out next week, I'm hoping i might be able to feel a bit connected to someone.
I'm the same as you, i've talked to my mum a bit, and a couple of friends and shared little bits but have never been totally open/honest with someone. I'm really glad that i can be someone you can relate with, that's one great thing about the internet, but i really hope you find someone in your life who can be with you in person too. It's good to hear you have one best mate who you can talk to a bit, i hope one day you can be full honest self with someone! I imagine that would feel like a relief
I don't think I feel like way because of anything traumatic in particular...stuff like family trouble and religion has had a big impact, but sometimes i feel like it's just my personality/nature to be sad and stressed. Like other people seem to be naturally happy and have positive mindsets but i feel i have to put a lot of effort into being happy and positive, and that's quite frustrating and exhausting sometimes. What about you? And i hope you don't me asking but i was wondering from your profile name, do you have bipolar?
Christmas and NYE is usually a happy time for me. This NYE was a bit lonely, my friends had plans with other people so i sat at home by myself feeling a bit pathetic haha what about you?