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Forums / Depression / Hello, I'm new and in a dark place.

Topic: Hello, I'm new and in a dark place.

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. a long time lost
    a long time lost avatar
    12 posts
    27 May 2013

    Hello..

    I am not sure how I got to this point. I think back and see events in my life which have all contributed to the place where I now live. It is dark and lonely here and I feel invisible to the people around me. They are unsure how to act in my presence and I constantly feel as though I irritate them and therefore they display annoyance and lack of patience with me. Inside I am filled with guilt, unbearable emotional pain, despair, hopelessness and deep anxiety that I may be like this for the rest of my life. At this time I visit a therapist whom does not seem to be taking me anywhere, I am also on antidepressants and yet still all my emotions and feelings about situtions remain the same. I am fighting a losing battle and lack any mtoivation whatsoever to help myself when those I thought would help me haven't. Yes.. I too have suicidal thoughts but I'm not quite at the point of carrying them out, my son is the only one that stops me right now. I feel like I am going crazy so here I am, I just want to feel like I belong somewhere as I have no friends. My husband says he has had enough and I realise where this train of thought is heading. I need a lifeline and I believe that this forum may just be that place. Thank you, I appreciate the opportunity to finally be myself without being judged.

  2. Damien
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Damien avatar
    134 posts
    28 May 2013 in reply to a long time lost

    Hello.

    I just wrote to you but my link dropped out so let's try again.  The worst that will happen is you'll have two posts from me.  :)

    As I read your letter I understood that it's not advice you need, it's friendship, company, and recognition.  You're already doing the medication and therapy things, and you are aware of your own thoughts and feelings. But you have found, as many others of us have, that that is not enough to keep the blues (and the blacks) at bay.

    So let's do company then.  You are not alone and you are not invisible.  It seems as though your son  matters to you, and you to him, and you want to be close and understood by your husband.  I pray that this forum will indeed be the lifeline/vent that you need to keep things working in the real world.

    Come as you are, there is no judgement here.  Our moderators here take good care of us and keep the bullies away...nice people only are allowed.

    :)

  3. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15590 posts
    28 May 2013 in reply to a long time lost

    hello, boy you are in a dark place now, but you have many friends here on this site, so I really hope that we can give you a resting place to be able to talk to us.

    Other people may not understand the first thing about what depression does to somebody and how it affects our personal life, which then in turn affects on how they feel towards us.

    This is a sad scenario, but unfortunately it's so true.

    There are a lot of factors here that are affecting you, or maybe it's one big problem spreading out all these factors, and I really wonder if your therapist can understand what is actually happening to you.

    I only say this because there are times that we have to change our psych. because we just don't click with them, or maybe they become complacent and don't understand what we are trying to tell them, and this has happened to me before when I went to see a psychiatrist who just starred at me, which made me feel uncomfortable.

    The list of problems I had written done on a piece of paper and when I did hand it to him all he said was 'whow where do I start', so I didn't see him any more.

    So what I am saying is that if you don't have a repoire with him/her then it's time to change counsellor.

    I am sorry that your marriage may end or at least separate and this then puts much more pressure on you and probably your son.

    You could also go back to your doctor and get them to review your medication, because not only does a specific antidepressant not do anything for you another maybe better.

    Look forward to a reply. L Geoff.x

  4. a long time lost
    a long time lost avatar
    12 posts
    29 May 2013 in reply to Damien

    Hello Damien,

    Thank you for your kind words, they were very much appreciated and I look forward to being a part of such amazing support.

    Lee-Ann.

  5. a long time lost
    a long time lost avatar
    12 posts
    29 May 2013 in reply to geoff

    Hello Geoff,

    I wanted to thank you for your post. It is nice to be able to finally say the things that others don't understand  to people who know exactly what our lives are like. I appreciate your advice about a change in therapist, I too have thought about this. Do you find that talking to them helps? I don't seem to get any satisfaction at all and come away feeling more down than before my appointment. Any way it is a pleasure to meet you and I look forward to future posts.

    Lee-Ann.

  6. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15590 posts
    29 May 2013 in reply to a long time lost

    dear Lee-Ann, changing psychologist or whom ever is like changing antidepressants, you have to find the one that works best for you.

    In both of these you should know within a couple of visits to the psychologist, and like wise within a few days of taking the antidepressants and whether you have any side effects.

    I know that it's easier said than done, but if you feel no repoire with the psych. then look around as soon as possible, I know it's not that easy, but there's no point talking to a psych. if they are checking their messages on their mobile.

    And make another appointment with your doctor about your medication.

    All of these are a pain in the a---s, but once it's sorted out, then hopefully you will feel comfortable. Take care. L Geoff. x

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