Hi there Azhurestar and thanks for your post which expressed so much emotion and clarity.
I'm not qualified at all to give you 'advice' about your daughter, but would like to share with you a somewhat similar situation I had with my own daughter.
I am a solo Dad with two daughters who decided to stay with me at ages 13 and 11 when I separated from their mother. The eldest had always been pretty headstrong but was basically well behaved. As she became an older teenager she got mixed up with some hippy types and started taking advantage of the freedom I offered her. Things like not coming home and not telling me, friends staying over without telling me etc. We had 'chats' about it but they weren't that successful.
A cousin of mine who happened to be a social worker suggested a method to try - I'll outline it here for you in three steps:
1. Even though you are very loving and totally supportive to your daughter, she may not see it this way and probably won't tell you. So try and find some aspect of your relationship problem that you can 'own' - in other words make some of the problem yours and take responsibility for it. Even if you have to make it up. Something that you can apologise for, and say you are sorry, and will improve that aspect of your behaviour.
2. Make a meeting with your daughter at a separate and non threatening place. Like a cafe lunch, walk in the park etc. This attaches more weight and importance to the meeting than just having a chat at at home.
3. Think very hard about what you are going to say before hand. Tell her how much you love her, are proud of the adult she has become, then take ownership of the problem from Point One above. Something like 'I know I don't always listen to you even though I say I do - that is something I am not proud about, am sorry for, and want to try to make sure it doesn't happen again'. What that does is take away any opportunity for friction and prepares the way for a much calmer response from your daughter.
When I actually put these points into practice they had a stunning effect - much better than I had hoped for. We both cried and my daughter opened up to me like never before. We became much closer and she modified her behaviour remarkably. I think it was all about creating level ground and taking some responsibility myself.
That was years ago and my daughter sometimes still refers to it.
So that's my experience Azhurestar - I sincerely hope this helps just a little bit.
Happy to discuss more. The Bro.