Does anyone else find this year triggers them emotionally? I’ve had a few bad things happen consistently in December and I thought I was doing well but I find myself here today feeling.. well pretty down and emotional. I say down which probably means depressed but I’ve never been one to want to admit I suffer from depression. I go through times in my life where actions make me depressed but today I’m not sure I have a reason other than it being this time of year. Does anyone else get that? Times of the year they feel triggered by past emotions and actions?
I used to love Christmas time, like a watch Christmas movies, have carols on all the time, couldn’t wait to see my family, would have the decorations up super early, say merry Christmas to everyone one I’d see type of Christmas love and now I feel like the grinch. Could not care less about Christmas. I do care if I see my family but the rest of it you can have and I hate that I feel this way.
My apartment block had a Christmas party last night which I was an organizer of. Came to yesterday and I felt flat and run down, so I didn’t go. I should have gone but I was quite achy and in this day and age I don’t want to chance being the person that went to a party and gave everyone COVID. So I stayed home. In bed on my own. Now I’m also dealing with FOMO fall out. I know my troubles are less compared to others and I know people are struggling with more difficult stuff I just feel I have no one to talk to. If I say anything to my family they’ll get worried, my partner is a very alpha male type person so I don’t feel like he wants to listen to my emotional stuff and I don’t want to talk to any friends about it either.
I don’t know what I’m looking for, just to get it off my chest I guess.