Dear TheLastSlice ofBread~
Welcome back, I am sorry it is in
such sad circumstances. As before you have captured your feelings in verse so
well and If I’ve missed or misunderstood anything it is my lack, not yours.
I understand for a long while, since
young kids, you felt e very close attraction for Bub, and over the years tried
to get close, however it never seemed to happen. Eventually you resigned yourself
not to try again.
Bud took their life and now you have
a mountain or hurt, grief, loss and guilt to cope with.
feelings you have are those of any normal sensitive person, not only over the loss,
but being buried in self-doubts -the guilt.
How come “I
didn’t realise how much we were alike and that this town also made you feel
blue”. How were you to know? Not being there, not having been given
signals, in fact it may well be no signals were ever given at all.
The what ifs “what if I just sent a message saying hey?”
You do not bear the burden of keeping another alive. You cannot possibly know the
effect if by some random chance you had sent a message -you had no reason to –
what it’s effect would have been. It takes those close, a medical team and a
small spark from the person themselves to keep someone from taking their life.
You are now
the person that badly needs support, the pain and effect on you is very great. May I ask if you have someone you trust who
cares about you to talk with often and lean on? A friend or family member
perhaps? Trying to bear this alone is very hard. They do not have to ‘fix’,
just listen and care.
Can I also
suggest you do talk with a professional to help you through. Griefline – 1300 845 745 is an excellent place with free counseling.
They can listen and give advice, show tools to help you get by.
I’d be grateful if you came back and talked more, In fact I'd welcome it