Firstly thanks so much to everyone for your kind words and your time.
I have tried to seek a Grief Counselor, so far I've seen 3, and haven't had a connection with any of them, they just don't seem to understand.
However I'm not giving up, I've been doing alot of internet searching, see how I go.
A few people have now said to me "Now it's time for Lee", this seems to be alot harder than it seems, when I was abused for 9 1/2 years I think I lost myself, now I don't know who I am or what I like to do, it's almost like my spirit got lost during this time.
After this period I had my parents who needed my support and I guess that kept me occupied. now I have nothing accept for myself and my kids, I do what's needed for my kids and then I just feel so lost and lonely.
I do feel like I'm going crazy at times. I went to the Cemetery today to visit Mum and Dad, I had a big cry and asked them for some guidance. It does seem to make me feel a bit less distressed for a day or two.
I just wish I could stop thinking...
The grief councellor I have been seeing told me to forget about what I went through with my ex, I can tell you this is easier said than done, he tore me apart and I think this could be what I need to sort out first within my mind before I can start on anything else.
I have completely lost my appetite since Mum passed, I don't totally believe it's totally to do with Mum, I think it's all catching up, when I was with my ex he always called me fat, I wasn't allowed to eat certain foods, I weighed roughly 65kg when I was with him, and he would say look at you, you 300 pound pig, and would throw my food I'd cooked out to the dog. These things don't go away once you've had it drummed into your head for 9 years.
I really don't know maybe I'm over thinking things and I should just get over all the crap.
Any advice would be so much appreciated, I really feel all over the place at the moment. All I want to do is sleep/ do nothing. I'm worried about my eating (I'm only eating maybe 2 times a week) but I can't seem do change this without an appetite.
Thanks for your time.