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Forums / Grief and loss / I miss you

Topic: I miss you

  1. Jackson1994
    Jackson1994 avatar
    2683 posts
    15 July 2018

    I keep being bought back to that day and it won’t leave my head I sat next to him, I put his hair behind his ears and touched his head and i told him it will be ok i wanted to believe it so badly i didn’t leave his side until I knew he wasn’t alone it’s so vivid still i can see the pictures i put on the wall pictures of me and Mum and him and pictures of us with nanna, and pictures of us when we went on our first holiday with our step dad I wanted to hug him so much and and i couldn’t i told him how sorry i was that this happened him my step sister bought him a melbourne demons beanie kid and we put in his hand now i sleep with it every night

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Quercus
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    3546 posts
    15 July 2018 in reply to Jackson1994

    Hi Jackson,

    I'm not feeling good so I'm sorry if my words are muddled. But I read your post and felt the grief and wanted to sit here with you for a while if that's ok.

    Would it help you to talk about your brother today? So often the sad moments take over when we're hit with grief and the ache of missing them.

    For me talking about memories I love helps me. Little things like memories that make me laugh or things that made them unique and special and so very loved.

    If that would help you I'd love to listen about what your brother was like. Forgive me please I don't know his name otherwise I would use it. No pressure though. I'm just sitting here keeping you company.

    Nat

    2 people found this helpful
  3. Jackson1994
    Jackson1994 avatar
    2683 posts
    15 July 2018 in reply to Quercus
    Tyler
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  4. Jackson1994
    Jackson1994 avatar
    2683 posts
    15 July 2018 in reply to Jackson1994
    He was so beautiful funny clever
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  5. Quercus
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    15 July 2018 in reply to Jackson1994

    Thank you.

    I checked your thread. You went to visit Tyler today with flowers. So you're not ok.

    Is Hannah free to come sit with you in person? I ask because your recent posts sound very low. Are you safe Jackson?

  6. Jackson1994
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    2683 posts
    15 July 2018 in reply to Quercus
    I’m safe, Hannah is here but asleep
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  7. Quercus
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    15 July 2018 in reply to Jackson1994

    Ok. Will you wake her up?

    Thing is we have to give people who love us a chance to help.

    If it was Hannah sitting alone grieving and hurting you'd want her to ask you for help. So please wake her up yeah? Show her this thread even.

    What do you think?

  8. Jackson1994
    Jackson1994 avatar
    2683 posts
    15 July 2018 in reply to Quercus
    I don’t want to bother here I should be asleep myself early start tomorrow but probably won’t get much of it tonight
  9. Jackson1994
    Jackson1994 avatar
    2683 posts
    15 July 2018 in reply to Jackson1994
    I think I will wake her up
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  10. Quercus
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    15 July 2018 in reply to Jackson1994

    That sounds like an excuse I would make.

    Then I'd sit alone for hours aching inside.

    You're not ok Jackson. And it's really important to try ask for help offline too.

    We can talk or you can call any helpline but the reality is Hannah is the one who will drag you to the doctor and demand help even if you keep saying you're ok. My hubby did that too I love him even more for it.

    Trust her? You're not a bother ok. You're her partner and you need help and support now.

    Any chance of you waking her up?

  11. Quercus
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    15 July 2018 in reply to Jackson1994

    Thank you Jackson 😊

  12. Jackson1994
    Jackson1994 avatar
    2683 posts
    16 July 2018 in reply to Quercus

    I need some rest so does she so I’m not going to wake her I think I’m going to get into bed next to her and give her a cuddle, it feels safe there and maybe I will get some sleep

    we can talk tomorrow

  13. Quercus
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    16 July 2018 in reply to Jackson1994

    Hmmm somehow I'm still worried you'll sit up alone and upset.

    I do think sleep is a good idea but if you lie there for 20 mins or an hour then what?

    What is your plan if your mind won't stop and let you rest?

  14. Jackson1994
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    2683 posts
    16 July 2018 in reply to Quercus
    I will wake her up if that happens I think
  15. Quercus
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    16 July 2018 in reply to Jackson1994

    Truly?

    I know. I'm blunt and rude.

    If you're reluctant to wake her now somehow I think you'll look at the clock and struggle on alone.

    You do that a lot I've noticed. It makes me worried for you.

  16. Jackson1994
    Jackson1994 avatar
    2683 posts
    16 July 2018

    You aren’t blunt or rude, you care

    Im going to wake her up, once i’ve made myself a hot drink, or both of us

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  17. Quercus
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    16 July 2018 in reply to Jackson1994

    Good plan! I fully approve.

    Not coffee though! Hot chocolate lots of hot milk. Comfort plus.

    Yes I do care. I'm a Mum and very good at nagging and you keep struggling alone when you don't need to.

    She loves you Jackson. Sleep doesn't matter when someone you love needs help.

    Righto. Hot chocolate and waking up Hannah time.

    Feel free to blame me if she is grumpy then show the thread and she'll understand.

  18. startingnew
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    16 July 2018 in reply to Jackson1994

    Hi Jackson

    Im really sorry for your loss, grief is such a hard thing to go through.

    Im not familiar with your story or if you have any offline supports.. perhaps tomorrow it would be good to get in touch with one of those to help you through?

    I dont think Hannah would mind being woken if your in need, please think about waking her for abit of support tonight. Having a hot chocolate seems like a good bonus.

    Something i do for my nan who passed away 2 yrs ago is to light a candle in memory of her. I find a candle thats her favourite colour as well to make it abit more special. Some people write a letter to their loved one who has passed saying how much they miss them, what you would like to say to them and share good memories. Almost as if you were talking to them. Maybe these are things you might like to do to...

    Remember to look after yourself aswell ,find some things that help you to self soothe weather it be a good book,a movie or a walk somewhere. Just things that give you moments of calm amongst the chaos.

    2 people found this helpful
  19. Jackson1994
    Jackson1994 avatar
    2683 posts
    16 July 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Thanks StartingNew

    My offline supports are Hannah, Mum, and the footy club welfare staff but they don’t teally know how bad it is right now

  20. Quercus
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    16 July 2018 in reply to Jackson1994

    Hi Jackson,

    Just checking on you. How are you holding up?

    I hope you didn't continue sitting up alone.

    You mentioned your supports. How are they meant to support you if they have no idea what's going on?

    What holds you back from asking for help?

    still worried about you.

  21. Doolhof
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    16 July 2018 in reply to Jackson1994

    Hi Jackson,

    Sorry to read that your grief for Tyler is so intense right now.

    Would you like to share some of your memories of Tyler here? If that is too painful I respect that.

    Just want to let you know that you are not alone.

    Thinking of you Jackson, from Dools

    1 person found this helpful
  22. Jackson1994
    Jackson1994 avatar
    2683 posts
    16 July 2018 in reply to Quercus

    I tried to wake Hannah up but didn’t want to be too much of a bother so I gave up and watched some TV. We talked about it this morning. She asked me why I sat up alone and upset. I’m not sure what holds me back so much.

    I know they can’t help me if they don’t know but I just find it difficult to tell them and like the footy club know what’s happened and it affects me but not how bad it is right now but that’s my own fault though isn’t it

    i think I do want to Doolhoof

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  23. Doolhof
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    16 July 2018 in reply to Jackson1994

    Hi Jackson,

    One thing I have learnt is that no one else can ever understand or comprehend the depth of our grief. That doesn't mean they don't care, it means they are not us, they don't experience things the same way.

    If you think it would help, please tell the people at the footy club how much you are hurting right now.

    Please know this is a safe place to talk about Tyler, to share your memories and how you feel.

    Does it feel comforting in a way to mention his name?

    Some people like to burn a candle in memory of a loved one. Would something symbolic like that help you Jackson?

    A person's grief can be hard for others to understand. That doesn't mean people don't care.

    Doolhof.

  24. Jackson1994
    Jackson1994 avatar
    2683 posts
    16 July 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    The symbolic stuff does help most of the time

    yeah I think I want to talk about those memories

    h said she’d stay home from work tonight so I’m not on my own but I said it’s fine

  25. startingnew
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    16 July 2018 in reply to Jackson1994
    Hello Jackson,


    Im glad you have some supports, have you considered seeing a psychologist or other mh professional as well?
    Hannah sounds very supportive and cares for you so much esp since she asked you why you were up by yourself, the chat and also her offerring to stay off work as well. Your mum as well, she would be able to understand what your going through as well, so please talk to her too. But I understand how hard it can be to tell anyone how we really are for many reasons.


    What memories would you like to share with us? What is your favourite memory?
    Your welcome to share as many as you would like.
  26. Jackson1994
    Jackson1994 avatar
    2683 posts
    16 July 2018 in reply to startingnew

    I used to see a psych, ran out of sessions, didn’t go back

    used eHeadspace for a bit to but that was back before I went to see someone face to face, I had to finish with them.

    my favourite memories involve when we would go to the holiday house at the beach

    we went back on the weekend, it feels safe down there, but going back is still hard because not much has really changed since those memories were made

  27. Jackson1994
    Jackson1994 avatar
    2683 posts
    16 July 2018
    What I mean by not much has changed is like the place is still the same so it’s like walking through time when he was there, I love it down there and it gets a little easier each time but it’s not hard to lay in bed and look at the ceiling and it feels exactly like it did those years ago
  28. Jackson1994
    Jackson1994 avatar
    2683 posts
    16 July 2018 in reply to Jackson1994
    😔
  29. startingnew
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    16 July 2018 in reply to Jackson1994

    perhaps theres a clinic near you that offers some free counselling or your mental health care plan may be able to be renewed in the near future? Mensline might be able to help too if your not able to use headspace/KHL...

    i think i get what you mean about visiting that place. it holds mnay good memories but still brings the saddness because its not really the same without our loved one. would you like to share another good memory? maybe a funny one?

    do you think you could talk to one of your offline supports? maybe you could go visit them for a little while or is there something you could do until Hannah gets home to distract and self soothe? a hot bath, candle lighting, a favourite tv show maybe?

  30. Jackson1994
    Jackson1994 avatar
    2683 posts
    16 July 2018

    Do you know of any free places in Melbourne? I didn’t think there was any

    yeah I have lots of fun memories, we did lots of stuff when we were kids, always up to trouble. Haha

    i have just spent tonight looking through some new clothes I want online and had a long hot shower

    if anyone is still about to talk that would be lovely as H won’t be home until 12

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