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Forums / Grief and loss / Newbie struggling with the loss of my mum

Topic: Newbie struggling with the loss of my mum

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. Nikki85
    Nikki85 avatar
    1 posts
    11 June 2020

    Hi my name is Nicole. I am 35. I am a mother to 3 gorgeous sons. They are 9-8-3. I'm currently struggling with the loss of my dear mother. She was only 56 :(. My mum passed away 11-11-2019. Yet another emotional wave is crashing. Missing my mum so much. Feeling like I am only here because I have to be, not because I want to be. I'm feeling defeated. I'm feeling done.

    I struggle to get out of bed. Because sleep is the only time I feel nothing. Wish I could just sleep the rest of my life away. Feeling like I am on auto polite. On the verge of tears. Constant pain in chest. Knowing a part of me is missing. I know we aren't meant to live forever. But I didn't expect my mum to be gone so soon. This is one of the worst pains. I just want my mum back :(

    I miss the old me. I have no motivation. Trying to work out how to survive the new normal. How do you live without the one who gave you life?... This pain is seriously like no other.

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6141 posts
    11 June 2020 in reply to Nikki85

    Welcome to the forums, Nikki85.

    We're glad to have you join us, although we're so sorry to hear of the circumstances that have brought you here. We are so sorry for your loss, we can't imagine how devastated you must feel. But please know that you've come to a safe space and our wonderful community is here to offer as much support and advice as you need.

    It sounds like you're in a really tough space and it might help to talk it out. We'd recommend getting in touch with Griefline  who are available midday-3am on 1300 845 745. GriefLine provides counselling support services free of charge to individuals who are experiencing loss and grief. We’d also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way. 

    You are not alone here, and we hope that you keep us updated on how you're going whenever you feel ready.
     
     

  3. uncut_gems
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    uncut_gems avatar
    351 posts
    16 June 2020 in reply to Nikki85

    Hi Nicole,

    I want to first echo Sophie_M in welcoming you to the forums. The raw pain that you are still feeling from this devastating loss comes through so clearly in your post; I found it incredibly moving. Without knowing you or your mother, I can already tell what a special relationship you had.

    My mom used to tell me that having children is wonderful, but also terrifying because for the first time your heart is outside your body– you can't always physically protect it as it goes out into the world. I think this is a beautiful sentiment and one I'm sure you feel as a mother yourself, but I also think that the same can be said for other people in our lives– especially our parents. I feel the exact same way about my mother, and it sounds like you may feel similarly. As you so eloquently put it, "How do you live without the one who gave you life?"

    It is a hard question, but not an impossible one.

    Grief is a long and often strange process with many unexpected peaks and valleys. Given that your mother only passed away in November, this means that you are still only at the very beginning of this journey. Time will heal this wound, but it takes patience, and work. I would encourage you to be patient with yourself and kind to yourself as you work through this dark stage of your grief.

    What you say about your sleeping, the pain in your chest, and the tears– they all resonate with me and I'm sure many other people here on the forums. I wonder, given how much it seems like you're struggling, if you might consider reaching out to a GP for a referral to a counsellor? Even if not, just coming here on the forums to chat will help lighten your load significantly. No one should have to bear this burden themselves.

    I hope you find the forums a supportive place, full of people who can speak more directly to your experience of losing a parent prematurely and unexpectedly. I have seen many people on the forums connect meaningfully over shared experiences of loss. In the meantime, please feel free to let us know how you are going here, how you are feeling, or simply peruse some of the other posts on the Grief and Loss board.

    Very warmly,

    Gems

  4. Sunflower2020
    Sunflower2020 avatar
    6 posts
    5 July 2020 in reply to Nikki85

    Hi Nikki, I lost my mum 4 months ago. I am feeling so unbearable pain. It is the process I am going through challengingly.

  5. uncut_gems
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    uncut_gems avatar
    351 posts
    6 July 2020 in reply to Sunflower2020

    Hi Sunflower2020,

    I'm so sorry for your loss– I can only imagine your pain. Are you able to take it one day at a time? Do you feel like you have enough support from your loved ones? We are always here for you on the forums.

    Best,

    Gems

  6. Stelly14
    Stelly14 avatar
    2 posts
    23 September 2020 in reply to Nikki85

    I am sorry you are going through such a hard time. I understand the unbearable pain you are going through. My 69 year old mother had a terrible stroke in April she was always fit and healthy and still worked. She was everything to me ,it was always just my mum and i my whole life and we lived together. I spend my days at work breaking down and i cant think of anything else and it knocks me down .i cant believe she is gone. I have never felt such unbearable pain not only emotionally but physically so much that i shake. It is hard to breathe because it hurts so much, my chest hurts and my heart pumps so hard and fast. i also havent slept in months .It has made me feel scared to do everyday things like catching up with friends or going to the same places i would go to with mum or anywhere that reminds me of what happened. i just want to be home all the time.

    i am really sorry you are going through such a terrible time.

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