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Forums / Grief and loss / Sudden loss of my husband

Topic: Sudden loss of my husband

12 posts, 0 answered
  1. Lisas4121
    Lisas4121 avatar
    4 posts
    1 September 2021

    Hi everyone,

    My husband died in a motorbike accident on Friday 2 houses up from ours. We have a 13yo daughter. I have amazing support from friends but I feel utter despair at times. I'm so scared to be on my own and bring our daughter up. How do I ever get through this?

    I have a counsellor appointment tomorrow for myself and my daughter wanted to go back to school on Monday so that has been good for her. The funeral is this Friday a very small and quick service.

    Any advice and support is welcomed, Thank you, Lisa

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5898 posts
    1 September 2021 in reply to Lisas4121

    Hi Lisa,

    Thank you for sharing this. We’re so sorry to hear that you’ve so recently and suddenly lost your husband. We can imagine you might feel scared, and despairing, at times. Please know you’ve taken a really brave and commendable step in sharing here, it can be incredibly hard to express what you’re feeling at a time like this, so thank you for finding the strength and openness you've shown in doing so.

    It's good to hear that you're seeing a counsellor tomorrow. This is obviously an incredibly painful time, and it’s really important you and your family are supported through it. We'd highly recommend talking to Griefline, on 1300 845 745 (6am to midnight AEST every day).

    Please know that you're not alone with this, you can call the Beyond Blue helpline at any time, on 1300 22 4636. They can help you talk this through and will also be able to help you plan what's next so that you have that support in place. It's really important to know that in moments of despair, there are a few places you can reach out. Your daughter is also welcome to draw on these supports, and can also call Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 to talk about this. 

    Here's a few more things you could look at:

    We hope you're able to be kind to yourself through this, as you've been so kind in sharing your experience here. You never know how your story might help someone else, so do feel free to share more if you're comfortable to. We hope you can find some comfort and understanding on the forums, where other some community members might be able to relate to this experience. We're sure some of them will join us on this thread, soon, and will have kind words and understanding for what you're going through.

    Kind regards, 

    Sophie M 
     

    1 person found this helpful
  3. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    5746 posts
    1 September 2021 in reply to Lisas4121

    hi and welcome.

    I am sorry to hear what has happened, yet nothing I can say will take away any pain you would be feeling at this time. In one of my jobs I worked as parish administrator and work with a priest and family in working out the contents of a service guide. I know that part is little, but it also gives me an opportunity to the talk with the family about photos and related things. So these times will be quite raw for you, especially with what sounds like the suddenness of it all. I commend you for going to see a counselor about this ... I hope it will help you to find a way forward. if you want to chat more here, I am listening.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Lisas4121
    Lisas4121 avatar
    4 posts
    7 September 2021 in reply to Sophie_M
    Thank you
  5. Lisas4121
    Lisas4121 avatar
    4 posts
    7 September 2021 in reply to smallwolf
    Thank you
  6. Learn to Fly
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Learn to Fly avatar
    208 posts
    14 September 2021 in reply to Lisas4121

    Dearest Lisas4121,

    I am so, so sorry for your loss. I know there are no words to consol your hurting soul and heart at the moment, however, maybe knowing that people who read your post, genuinely feel for your loss, maybe this is going to give you a thread to hold on to...

    Sophie and Smallwolf have given you some beautiful words of support. I would also like to commend you for booking a visit with a counsellor.

    Be kind to yourself. Be understanding towards yourself. Be patient with yourself and allow time to do or not do whatever things. Take one step at the time, or no steps at all.

    Also, if possible, try to involve your daughter in as many things as you decide possible, so she feels your trust, love and willingness to go through this together. Invite her to do the same towards you so you both learn how to rely on each other even more than thus far.

    Thank you so much for trusting us here on this forum with your experience. We are here for you, whenever you need us.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Learn to Fly
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Learn to Fly avatar
    208 posts
    18 September 2021 in reply to Lisas4121

    Hi Lisas4121,

    I just thought I would let you know that you are often present in my thoughts and I hope you and your daughter are somehow coping.

    I am here for you whenever you feel like a chat.

    1 person found this helpful
  8. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3208 posts
    18 September 2021 in reply to Lisas4121

    Hi Lisa4121

    What a devastating loss for you and your daughter I am so sorry. You must still be in shock. Everything must feel overwhelming.

    I'm so glad you are getting support from a counsellor and friends who are helping you and your daughter.

    I wish I had words to help you but I can only say that people here will offer whatever support we can.

    There will be shock and grief and much to get through but you and your daughter will not be alone.

    A friend of mine lost her husband suddenly in a car accident. She told me the hardest part was after some time had passed and friends thought she was ok. So don't hesitate to ask when you feel in need of help.

    I'm so glad you have posted here which takes courage.

    Please come by here to talk anytime you need to. People here will come by and offer whatever support they can.

    Warmest wishes and sympathy. 🌷

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Mk2692
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Mk2692 avatar
    91 posts
    19 September 2021 in reply to Lisas4121

    Hi Lisa,

    I am so sorry for your loss. It must be very difficult going through this and I can't imagine how you must feel. I am glad that you have a great deal of support around you, this can be helpful when you need it. Try to if you can reach out to friends or family just to talk when you need it and even go out for a coffee. I'm glad that you're seeing a counsellor, it might help you navigate through the feelings you have and how to deal with the loss of your husband. I think when bad situations happen, the best approach i find myself is to take one step at a time and do the best you can. We are here for you if you need to chat.

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Lisas4121
    Lisas4121 avatar
    4 posts
    31 October 2021

    Thank you all for your support. It's been a tough road the past 2 months and I miss my husband terribly. Our daughter is doing well and her school has been a great support. I've subscribed to a few helpful podcasts and am reading some good books on grief and the process. I have good and bad days, which is normal. My counsellor is great and has offered such great support.

    I guess it's a day at a time at this point (2 months) and trying to come to terms with the life I hadn't planned.

    Thank you all so much, it's so nice to have external support.

    Lisa

    1 person found this helpful
  11. Mk2692
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Mk2692 avatar
    91 posts
    31 October 2021 in reply to Lisas4121

    Hi Lisa,

    Welcome back and thanks for reaching out again. I'm glad to hear that you have great support around you to help you through this difficult time. I'm glad that your daughter has the help she needs at school and that teachers are more understanding of the situation. It seems that you are doing better and that you are seeking out ways to help you process your emotions and your grief. You are doing an amazing job and yes it is normal to have good and bad days. Take it one step at a time and things will get better. We are always here for you if you ever need us.

  12. Learn to Fly
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Learn to Fly avatar
    208 posts
    31 October 2021 in reply to Lisas4121

    Hi Lisa4121

    A very warm welcome back. So good to hear you have not been in this alone and you and your daughter are getting a steady stream of support.
    I am also very glad to hear you are taking your time but nevertheless don’t give in and doing things for you and your daughter. This so important and takes so much effort and strength. You are doing so well. Continue to be gentle to yourself. So good your counsellor is a great one too.
    Take a good care of yourself.

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