I'd like you to try to understand something, its important -maybe you already know - I apologize if you do.
Mark and I have been talking to you for a fair while now and we see two Jasons. One is the real Jason, the warrior, the one who knows the system has not done right by him.
The other is Jason when he's got the PTSD making him think the wrong way. This is the Jason that thinks basically he's a waste of time, not worth much, the Jason that thinks there's no light at the end of the corridor.
That's not you. The PTSD does that, it distorts the thinking, and what you are saying today is exactly what you'd expect from someone with PTSD when it is doing the talking for them.
Neither Mark nor I would waste our time on somebody who was not worthwhile, and - in their own way - an honorable person.
You have my respect because I understand exactly what you are going though. You are getting there and surviving, trying to do your best by everybody you know on the way.
Flashbacks are horrible and so real -they do indeed make nightmares so you are afraid to sleep.
Why not give the phone councilor another go, a friendly voice might be good - and ask specifically how you get treatment. If they don't know ask them which help-line might. Keep trying til you get somewhere.
As far as I can see the most important thing for you is proper treatment, not the court case, not having your say, not going away or trying to pay back help either.
Your board looks pretty good to me in the small photo
Hang in there