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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Blue's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (life viewed through the lens of depression)

Topic: Blue's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (life viewed through the lens of depression)

  1. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2297 posts
    17 November 2020 in reply to Wilma1

    Thanks Wilma. I did actually end up finding some energy yesterday and getting a lot of work done around the house, which I'm pretty happy about.

    I think it's more that return to work is imminent and not that far away. Also that there I have no paid leave left, so it will be a year before I am likely to get any more time off beyond getting sick. That thought is rather sobering and frankly, what misery is made of.

    I did sleep in today. Still feeling flat and tired, hopefully I shake it off again like I did yesterday. We'll see.

    Thank you, it's nice to know you think that. My lovely man had coffee ready for me when I got up, that was nice. We watched some of The Great British Bake Off together.

    Sounds good (with soy milk, of course). I haven't had Milo in years.

    Hope you're doing okay and your loyal companion continues to improve from her kennel cough.

  2. Croix
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    Croix avatar
    10958 posts
    17 November 2020 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Dear Blue~

    Knowing you are out of sick/family/MH days off for a year is daunting, though many things are well spent even though it leaves you 'tapped out'.

    My wife and I purchased a house, so not only broke but with mortgage payments looming seemingly endlessly in the future. Much later I nearly had to sell it to pay hospital/operations etc bills. She had a lengthy stay in hospital with many operations. The hospital was kind and I paid things off as I could.

    I beleive you have spent your entitlements wisely on what truly matters and now can face worry with another, as partners.

    Croix

    2 people found this helpful
  3. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2297 posts
    17 November 2020 in reply to Croix

    Hey Croix,

    Thanks. Yes, I know I definitely used my leave for its best possible purpose. Though I admit the time off has been for reasons of considerable stress and I'm going back to a workplace that I left in burnt out condition every bit as burnt out on another level, and now face the possibility of no time off for a year. Daunting doesn't begin to cover it.

    Clearly you understand my stress and frustration, having been in a similar position yourself. Not facing it alone is certainly a valuable thing. We are hoping to refinance soon, with the house in both our names, which should noticeably reduce our expenses. I am investigating other things that may also help the budget. We'll see how that goes. Ol' Blue is nothing if not resourceful, I guess. The less I fork out each week, the less I will have to work. That is of primary value to me.

    Blue.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. ecomama
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    17 November 2020 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Dear Blue

    I finally found you! Thankyou for all your directions though...

    Sorry to hear things are so tough. It's normal to feel blerghhh with all this going on.

    I hope you look into the CESs at some point. Our group was BEYOND beneficial when my family was going through our toughest financial times.

    I offered different things as I mentioned previously but so many times I helped people set up their own herb garden or vege patches, composting etc.
    For zero money.

    I even got seeds and seedlings for all sorts through CES.

    I know South Aust has a pretty alternative mindset in some areas, so I bet they'd be thriving there even more than before Covid. (I hope the latest hot spot doesn't effect you!).

    Also have you looked into NDIS funding for help with everything?
    I'm not sure who qualifies or if your partner would, but it's worth looking in to.

    I apologise if this has been suggested previously!

    I know someone who works 6 days a week, has an awesome income (compared to me lol) and only asked for $6 000 NDIS.
    He got $19 000 for specific things to support him in the work force with his disability.
    He was shocked at the amount.

    Hang in there.

    I hope your partner goes from strength to strength! And your feathered babies give you joy every day.

    Praying for you all,

    Love EM

    2 people found this helpful
  5. Wilma1
    Wilma1 avatar
    1630 posts
    18 November 2020 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Blue, I did wonder if work was causing some of the heaviness you are feeling at the moment. I can understand how daunting it is looking and feeling.

    Ol. Blue is resourceful, for sure. I hope the avenues you are checking out , end up being helpful.

    My loyal companion is doing well, Thankyou for thinking of her. She came in with a bone the black lab left yesterday, so she’s doing just fine. Lol.

    I hope today is doable for you Blue.

    Leaving some fresh strawberries from my garden. 🍓🍓🍓

    2 people found this helpful
  6. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2297 posts
    18 November 2020 in reply to ecomama

    Hey EM,

    You did find me. Welcome to my thread.

    Thanks. Yes, blerghhh is a pretty good description of it.

    I think my only worry with the CES is the level of involvement. Does it still work for someone like me with pitiful energy, only really able to do and get involved a little?

    Honestly, I see SA as a very conservative community, not especially alternative at all. But I guess as far as local production goes there is a bit of it. The hotspot... well, we're about to go into lockdown, so that's a thing. Definitely won't be out and about swapping seeds with anyone for a while.

    You're the first to suggest looking into the NDIS. Like every other form of help there is no mention in their information of mental health being in any way relevant to it - just a cute link to this site and a couple of others that do a whole lot of nothing in the financial department. Heck, even my partner's eligibility seems doubtful. I had a bit of a meltdown last night, admittedly. It really does seem like there is no avenue of help for someone like me, though I am so overwhelmed with everything and don't feel at all capable of working any more. How dare I have ever had some semblance of functionality? Feels like once that is shown there is no acknowledgement thereafter that one might not be able to sustain it. Gods I feel so trapped in this hell, I just don't see a way out.

    Can I ask what qualified the person you know for help from the NDIS? It seems like nothing short of amputation or bloody life support does, from the outline on their website.

    My partner is doing amazingly, I have nothing but respect and admiration for him. He has been such a huge support as my mental health has been merrily degenerating. And our puffballs are of course the most beautiful part of our lives. They certainly do bring joy.

    I'm agnostic, personally, but I appreciate the spirit of your prayers.

    Blue.

    2 people found this helpful
  7. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2297 posts
    18 November 2020 in reply to Wilma1

    It certainly is, Wilma. Even more with the upsurge in Covid cases popping up. As I mentioned to EM, we're heading for lockdown. Who knows how the situation will be looking by the time I'm due to go back? It's such an extreme danger for my partner, especially in an environment like that. People don't stay out of my face for two damn seconds.

    Thanks, I hope that too. I guess we'll see. I have a lot of research to do.

    Of course I would think of your loyal companion. She is on this journey with us, and such a huge part of your life. I'm relieved to hear she is doing so well.

    Bit of a struggle today to be honest, Wilma, but thanks. I'm trying.

    The strawberries sound lovely, you must be enjoying your garden now there is some fruit growing. I had a go at making caramel dumplings yesterday, they actually turned out really well (never made them or anything much like them before), so leaving some for you.

    2 people found this helpful
  8. ecomama
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    18 November 2020 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Dear Blue

    Hope you're doing okay?

    You can get as involved as you like in any of the CESs.
    There's no compulsory anything really.

    In fact for example if I offered gardening help, and someone asked me for help, I could say I can't do that atm. No contracts, nothing.
    I'd take that offer off the site until I was up to it again.

    I offered dog minding in school holidays at times. Got considerable CES units to do it.
    Took the offer off when kids went back to school. Or when I got a dog to mind lol.

    But ours encourages members to "go into debit" immediately so you see the value in it.
    SPEND UP BIG up to minus 1000 units.
    I was afraid to do this but did it anyway and that's the only way I could get into it.
    There's no interest for being in debit or anything like that.
    Being a "balanced system" ppl have to be in both credit AND debit. Not all one side of zero.

    Whilst in LETS for groceries I would scout around my garden first, look on LETS second and only IF I couldn't make up meals from both those avenues, THEN I'd go to the shops.
    Community gardens a huge thing here for food. Thank goodness!
    After a year or two, we began co-ops... these turned into financial ventures also.
    At the same time we got a syndicate together to buy lots of foods and other household needs in bulk... then we split the goods.
    Also organic and biodynamic farmers joined up... we got this food at minimum 75% off supermarket prices.

    You can change your offers hourly if you wanted. They're not set in stone AT ALL.

    People can MAIL things to you, like seeds. And if they don't offer to mail for units, you can ask them if you can pay double units for the cost of postage... eg "Postage is $10 so how about you debit my account 20 units?" I did that kind of thing and never had a problem... even with getting things from New Zealand! Lol.

    It's FASCINATING and amazing the Community feel you can get from becoming involved.

    That person who gets NDIS is deaf, not completely but certainly.
    I know lots of ppl receiving NDIS support, they all have confirmed disabilities.
    My daughter is a support worker for NDIS recipients.

    I really hope things change for the better for you sooner rather than later.

    Love EM

    2 people found this helpful
  9. Wilma1
    Wilma1 avatar
    1630 posts
    19 November 2020 in reply to Wilma1

    Blue, just a quick note in the middle of the night, so if it makes no sense, you’ll understand.

    I know a few people with mental health problems on NDIS. Apparently, the process is tricky, but once you are on it, very beneficial. I’m surprised your partner isn’t on it also. Definitely worth investing. Maybe a social worker could help with the process, or your gp.

    Heading for an early coffee.

    I hope today is ok enough.

    2 people found this helpful
  10. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2297 posts
    20 November 2020 in reply to ecomama

    Hey EM,

    I just wrote you a long message, and it very helpfully disappeared before I could post. Technology is great when it works, not so much when it doesn't. Sigh.

    Yesterday was a rough day, really back to basics with looking after myself. Today, doing a bit better. I have an idea for my future that may improve thing. I don't want to say more than that, I don't know yet how it will pan out, but putting out feelers. Friday evening is a terrible time to have a good idea if it needs business hours to put into action!

    The CES is sounding more appealing, knowing massive involvement isn't necessary. The debit is an uncomfortable prospect for someone like me though, admittedly. Ol' Blue likes to be in the black. It's a different system I guess - as you say, a bit to get used to.

    You mentioned community loans on your thread. The CES doesn't seem to operate via actual currency, so was that through something else? I Googled it, but came up with a whole lot of nothing.

    It's vaguely possible my partner could get something from the NDIS, but probably not post-surgery. Me, extremely unlikely.

    Thanks, EM, I hope that too. We'll see about this idea I have, it may change everything if it pans out. We'll see.

    Blue.

    3 people found this helpful
  11. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2297 posts
    20 November 2020 in reply to Wilma1

    Your late night thoughts make plenty of sense, Wilma. Thank you. I do know the process is tricky if not wholly impossible for some. I don't like my chances to be honest, I've functioned in the world for a time, and that's a mark against being allowed to stop.

    I have had a thought about something that might be more "function" oriented and better than where I'm currently at. As I said to EM, not willing to divulge too much just yet, I have a history of good ideas that come to nothing - I don't want to get ahead of myself. Can't do anything about it on the week-end, anyway, so going to have to sit on it a while.

    Hope you and your loyal companion are doing well. Sending a hot coffee your way.

    2 people found this helpful
  12. ecomama
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    4567 posts
    20 November 2020 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Hi Blue

    I'm glad to hear you're feeling a little better. We'll take any improvement hey?

    CESs do not do Community Loans to Australians.
    Years ago our local LETS did join another program for women in 3rd world countries.

    The $$ Community Loans I saw advertised through Neighbourhood Centres here in NSW.

    If you have Neighbourhood Centres there or even Women's Health Centres, both Govt supported here, then you could give them a call?

    SO MANY programs supporting local community members are offered through these avenues here... I hope it's the same there!

    Oh re: the going into debit in CESs lol!!!
    I HEAR YOU loud and clear lol.
    Omg I didn't even have a credit card until my work forced me to! LOL!
    Never had a car loan etc etc.

    It's a "balanced system" so people MUST be in debit to have others in credit.
    BTW members in our LETS have the parameter of minus 1000 to plus 1000... they don't like anyone going further out than these.

    Still no one gets in trouble lol or has to pay ANYTHING if they do, it's just not a "healthy system" if that occurs.

    GOING INTO DEBIT in LETS was the best advice I ever got in that system.
    I even "bought" laying chooks!
    Had an entire Christmas feast made and delivered for us (no meat).

    Oh the list was endless but I really worked the system and over many many years.

    I also made some of my loveliest "new" friends through LETS since we were quite like minded.

    Some pretty wealthy people would join up every now and again and wow they had some mind blowing stuff to offer.

    Many of us branched out into so many sectors; beginning co-ops, inventing and installing those Return and Earn centres, beginning Community Gardens, Creating Yearly Festivals here etc etc.

    It doesn't matter how little or much one can offer - EVERY member is VALUED.

    Love EM

    2 people found this helpful
  13. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2297 posts
    21 November 2020 in reply to ecomama

    Hey EM,

    Thanks, rather glad to be feeling better. Not perfect of course, but improved.

    Okay, well that's a good starting place to look, thanks for that.

    The 1000 plus or minus seems a reasonable limit, there have to be boundaries somewhere. I guess I'd just need to join up, to see it in action. Hard not to picture something like Gumtree even though you said it isn't, in terms of there being a bunch of second hand junk circulating. What I'm hoping for is more like a proper market with unique home-made goods and that sort of thing. It does sound like there's a lot of room for community spirit. I'd like to see that sense of value of the members.

    I had another bright idea that doesn't involve work. I haven't been able to do fun colours with my hair since the pandemic. Used to do bright pinks or purples, even green at one stage. Having to wash it so often now (because my job puts me in public and damned if I won't wash every inch of me thrice over when I get home) those colours barely last days - it's just too expensive and time consuming to maintain. Am thinking about getting a new cut with a bit of pizzazz. I've had much the same style for years. Time for a change, mayhap.

    Blue.

    2 people found this helpful
  14. ecomama
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    4567 posts
    21 November 2020 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Sure a new hairdo is a great distraction and a bit of fun! lol.

    Our LETS does have regular markets every 3 months or more, depending on the demand and patronage of them.
    Our Admin tries to get a varied array of stalls and they really make them work well.

    I used to put my member number on all my kid's name tags and they would run around all day getting lunch and snacks and playing with their friends and my account would be debited that night lol!
    It was an awesome family day out for me and the kids.

    They really tried to limit the "Goods" stalls into another area where ppl who were interested could look and trade.

    Basically it was so trusting most of the time that we all left our Trading Sheet there and people took what they wanted and left their member number on the sheet.

    I know ours LETS Trade Days are operating again. Not sure of the turn out though.
    We have Major ones at the change of the seasons with a small Community Festival attached.

    Sometimes speakers and performances from the local mob.

    It's really SWEET!

    Glad to hear you're perking up.

    Love EM

    2 people found this helpful
  15. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2297 posts
    23 November 2020 in reply to ecomama

    Honestly, I'm just tired of looking like a normal person. It doesn't suit me!

    I imagine the trade days are impacted somewhat by covid. Hopefully they do okay around it.

    Short one today, it's late and I'm tired, but wanted to put in an appearance. A bit flat again today, but trying.

    Blue.

    1 person found this helpful
  16. Wilma1
    Wilma1 avatar
    1630 posts
    24 November 2020 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Blue, leaving a coffee. ☕️☕️☕️

    I hope today is a bit better. No response necessary. Sending 💙💙

    1 person found this helpful
  17. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2297 posts
    24 November 2020 in reply to Wilma1

    Thanks Wilma. It's been a many coffee day today, not much sleep and have been driving around a lot for my partner's appointment (which revealed he has a fungal infection in his lung and has another med to take for three months - yay), and some errands. He got me a new keyboard and mouse today, found a good special in the shop we stopped at for some cords his dad needed.

    Not sure if I said my lovely man's computer broke down. His dad has been working on fixing it for ages. We've had quite the saga around that, so many days of "Computer's ready... Oh wait, no it's not", because of software disasters. We do not function well with one computer between us - most of what we like to do independently of each other involves computers - and I am stressed about how soon I'll be back at work when in four full months we haven't yet got back to normal day to day life. We are both mentally exhausted and very fed up.

    Thanks for your company, I appreciate you. Hope you and loyal companion are okay.

  18. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2297 posts
    24 November 2020 in reply to Blue's Clues
    On a side note, took a walk while my man was in the hospital, and booked in for my haircut. Had to do some stuff to stay sane (well, my version of sane).
  19. Wilma1
    Wilma1 avatar
    1630 posts
    24 November 2020 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Blue, I was hoping the lockdown would prevent you returning to work. I’m still hoping something will work out. I can well understand the stress that is causing.

    You did mention having computer problems, I hope that is up and running really soon. I don’t know what I would do without mine. It’s my connection to the outside world.

    Sorry your LM has an infection, it’s not easy in many ways, navigating such massive surgery. I hope he is managing ok.

    My furbaby has been unwell again. She’s limping, but might have pulled a muscle. She’s unusually quiet. I find it really hard when she’s unwell. I’ll see how she is tomorrow, it might be another vet visit. She’s ageing, so arthritis might be setting in. I hope not.

    Anyway Blue, do what you can to get through. Sending coffee, lots of it. ☕️☕️💙💙

    1 person found this helpful
  20. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2297 posts
    25 November 2020 in reply to Wilma1

    Well, at the very least, I'll be off an extra week. The doctors decided to admit my partner to hospital for a more aggressive treatment of the infection. Could be in there up to a week.

    Ironically it looks like his computer really is ready to take home now. Perfect timing. Sigh. Yeah, computers have a huge role for isolated people, it's how we communicate, research, find and use media. Very valuable tools.

    Oh no, I'm sorry your loyal companion is unwell again. Have you been able to get her to the vet? Poor thing.

    Definitely need the coffee today. Day three of not enough sleep for either of us, had to get up and drive my man to hospital. I really hope he doesn't have the trouble sleeping in hospital that he did after the surgery. At least a room to himself this time.

    Kind thoughts to you and your furbaby, hope today is a better day.

  21. Wilma1
    Wilma1 avatar
    1630 posts
    26 November 2020 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Blue, I’m sorry to hear your LM is in hospital. Definitely a rough year, with no let up so far. I’m pleased about the extra week off work. At lease a storage positive in there.

    Yes, computer timing , nothing is straight forward.

    My loyal companion is back to her usual cheeky self. I have no idea what it was all about, as she went to bed fine. I checked for a tick, but all clear. I’m relieved. She’s my world.

    Are you staying at the hospital, or do you have accommodation close by ?

    I hope you manage some sleep/rest Blue. You and your LM.

    Leaving a coffee, you will be missing your coffee machine. ☕️☕️☕️

    Take care.

    1 person found this helpful
  22. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2297 posts
    26 November 2020 in reply to Wilma1

    Thanks, Wilma. No kidding, this year really sucks. Another week off work is a mixed blessing. I'm not in a hurry to return, but I've long since run out of paid leave and there's only so long we can live on my partner's Centrelink payment. It doesn't cover much and I only paid the bills ahead until the end of this month.

    Yeah, the computer situation is absurd. I believe it's genuinely ready, now. The day he went into hospital, of course. Aargh!

    Very relieved to hear your loyal companion is feeling better. Might have strained a muscle or something in the course of running around, or stepped on something pointy? Who knows? Just glad she's doing better. She is to you what my puffballs are to me.

    Neither of the above. Every visit is over an hour's drive and a hefty cost for parking. You wouldn't believe it, I was there some while with him yesterday, the parking cost me $30. I could eat for the better part of a week on that, talk about exploiting sick people and their families.

    Got a reasonable sleep last night - I was out like a light! I hope he's getting a good sleep. He struggles to do so in hospital, given the constant interruptions.

    Thanks. I do have my machine, but more coffee at the moment is always welcome.

  23. Wilma1
    Wilma1 avatar
    1630 posts
    26 November 2020 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Blue, I have no idea what I meant by, “ at least a storage solution “, those spelling correctors are so damned annoying. Some call them fairies, not me. 👿👿👿

    Anyway, you are at home, so small comforts are still there. I hope your LM is improving daily.

    Oh no, money problems again. That’s another hurdle, and a big one. I’m hoping for a way around it, but I have no suggestions.

    I think my baby must have pulled a muscle or something, but it’s so good having her back to her normal cheeky, demanding self. She was running around the bed this morning at 3am. I knew something was wrong when she slept in till 6am the other morning.

    Beautiful day here Blue. I think you are heading for a very hot one. You will enjoy that, so, put your feet up if you can.

    I had no idea parking cost that much. That is daylight robbery. I don’t know how anyone can afford to live these days. That would be a weeks worth offood (almost )for me also.

    I’m glad you are close to the coffee, it helps.

    Take care of yourself. ☕️☕️💙💙

    2 people found this helpful
  24. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2297 posts
    28 November 2020 in reply to Wilma1

    I just assumed it was the AI messing with your sentence. More like gremlins than fairies.

    Yes, glad to be home. Pity it's so far to drive to visit him, a lot of time wasted that I'd rather be spending in his company. He's doing okay, the symptoms weren't bad but they want to stop the progress of the infection and monitor everything closely. It's a hard balance to treat an infection in someone on immune suppressants.

    Yup, stupid money. We're not broke yet, and various family members have been sending us money to help out or for birthday/Christmas presents. It all helps. That parking is a nightmare, though, the money is disappearing fast.

    Our little companions are always cheeky when they are well. Personally, I wouldn't have it any other way. Very glad your furry friend is doing better.

    Definitely hot here, 40 today and about the same tomorrow. A little warm even for me, I get nasty headaches when it's this hot. Nice not being cold, though.

    Visiting at the hospital is restricted to one person per day, but at least I can stay as long as I like within visiting hours. It's a lot better than the hospital where he had the transplant - newer, cleaner, and he has his own room. There's a bit of space for him to relax and he isn't hooked up to anything. Kind of a hotel stay with very average food and periodic blood tests and meds, haha. It's funny how not having him at home makes even visiting him in hospital feel like dating. Came home with understandable concerns for him, but also all those happy first date feels. I got my haircut today, and it was great going in and showing it off to him. He loved it.

    Kind thoughts and coffee to you, and a pig's ear for your furbaby.

    1 person found this helpful
  25. Wilma1
    Wilma1 avatar
    1630 posts
    29 November 2020 in reply to Blue's Clues

    A haircut Blue, always a good feeling. I’m glad your LM loved it.

    I hope your LM won’t be too much longer in hospital. I understand they need to be extra careful, and I’m really pleased he is being well taken care of.

    I would have thought he would be on a disability pension. I don’t know if you have looked into it or not, but I was on one before the aged pension. That would make him eligible for NDIS assistances. It also helps with meds etc. just a thought. Sometimes, these things can be the best kept secrets.

    I’m listening to rain falling on my roof at the moment Blue. It’s such a lovely sound. I know you are in the middle of a heatwave. I hope driving to and from hospital isn’t too hot. I also hope it cools down a bit very soon. Our temperature is perfect right now.

    I’m doing some meditation in the mornings Blue. I’m finding it really helpful, even looking forward to it each day. I’ve only been doing it for 3 weeks, so I’m hoping it’s not just a passing phase, but something more permanent. Time will tell.

    Its good the computer is fixed. Something your LM has to look forward to when he comes home.

    Anyway Blue, Sending warm wishes across the Tasman. Take care. 💙💙

    1 person found this helpful
  26. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2297 posts
    29 November 2020 in reply to Wilma1

    Thanks, Wilma. I'm loving the haircut. Dare I say, I feel a bit sexy, haha.

    He has had a temporary reprieve, as they wait for one of the meds he needs to arrive, apparently. Home for a bit then back in when they get it. He's been feeling pretty average since he's been back, though - side effects of what he's taking for the infection. Not much enjoyment to be had wherever he is at the moment. :/

    Yes, he gets a disability pension and various concessions. It's not enough for both of us to live on but any income I get severely depletes his pension, so it's a real Catch 22. I must work or we can't afford to live, but the more I work, the more I have to work to make ends meet. I can't just do enough to make up the difference as the difference grows with every dollar I make. I am the provider and that's the end of it.

    Rain is good. We had a bit last night - a brief change before it warms up again. Fortunately I have decent air con in the car for the hospital drives, though even that struggles on a 40 degree day, I still got quite a headache from the sun beating on my head through the glass. Ugh.

    Great work with the meditating. I really ought to be doing the same. It's really hard to get any sort of routine at the moment with things as they are, it's very frustrating. Hope you can hold onto the habit and continue reaping the benefits of it.

    It is good. Sadly he hasn't been feeling well enough to get much enjoyment out of it so far. Hopefully he will for a bit before he's back in hospital again. It's really not a good time for him. Not for either of us.

    Thanks Wilma. Sending a nice hot coffee your way and pig's ear for your companion. Hope she's still doing well.

    1 person found this helpful
  27. Croix
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    Croix avatar
    10958 posts
    29 November 2020 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Der Blue, wihta wave to Wilma~

    I've been reading of you ups and downs and the infection in your LM. I have every confidence that once the drugs arrive he will go back to the very considerable improvement he has had since the operation. Please give him and puffballs my god wishes. My commiserations over the financial yoyo.

    There was a film called Nikita followed by an Canadian TV series called La Femme Nikita. The theme tune to the TV series was "Mark Snow - La Femme Nikita Main Theme (Club Version) (1999)" which was part of an album (in English) of the series background music. By and large not too cheerful, but often contemplative, I enjoyed it. The words "Cherchez la femme, Cherchez la femme, Dans la nuit, Dans la nuit" basically imply women often rule.

    Croix

    2 people found this helpful
  28. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2297 posts
    29 November 2020 in reply to Croix

    Hey Croix,

    Thanks. I hope you're right. For now he is constantly nauseous and it's looking like he'll be back in hospital very soon if it doesn't let up. I wish it wasn't so hard for him, he was so happy to be coming home and was only okay for a handful of hours. It isn't fair. Good wishes shall be given. Thanks. The financial yoyo is really getting old, I must say. I don't need much, but a bit of bloody stability would be nice.

    I recall the series being on TV, though I never watched it. The music is pleasant (Sir Pecks is singing along). Very important that it's not too cheerful, haha. I haven't really been listening to any new music lately, I've been leaning heavily on Caligula's Horse still. Those guys really do give me a place of calm to go to - where you have to be in the "right mood" for a lot of music, there's never really a wrong mood for Caligula's Horse, for me. That said, the chanting in the album you suggested somewhat obliquely reminded me of the Ergo Proxy soundtrack, particularly a track called Fellow Citizens. Don't know if I've shared that with you before. You might like it.

    Blue.

  29. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2297 posts
    30 November 2020 in reply to Blue's Clues
    Oh, I just discovered Rob Zombie on the La Femme Nikita soundtrack. I heartily approve of that. I was also reminded by the chanty song of Enigma - Sadeness.
    1 person found this helpful
  30. Wilma1
    Wilma1 avatar
    1630 posts
    1 December 2020 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Blue, you do give me a giggle often. So you are sexy after your haircut. I’m guessing there might be a line up at that salon. 😂😂

    I’m glad your LM is home for a few days, but sorry he’s feeling unwell. It must be really hard for you, not being able to do much to help. I hope the meds arrive soon, and he has relief.

    That’s rough about the pension and you being primary provider. I would have thought you being his carer would have been more appropriate. With the ongoing unknown of this, do they provide any ongoing support ? It’s a tricky world to navigate these days Blue. So much emphasis is put on the $$$, but sick people can get overlooked. You need support also.

    Meditation is still going well. I have a lot to learn, but I’m giving it a good shot. Practice makes perfect, so the saying goes, so I’m putting in the practice and hoping.

    Geeze, looks hot up your way. At least, for now, you don’t have to drive there and back to the hospital.

    Still perfect weather here. Planting pumpkins now. I struck some seeds, so have enough to share around the neighbors.

    Leaving a coffee for you both. 💙💙☕️☕️

    Croix, 👋🏻👋🏻☕️☕️

    2 people found this helpful

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