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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Blue's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (life viewed through the lens of depression)

Topic: Blue's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (life viewed through the lens of depression)

  1. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    4 June 2016 in reply to lookingforme
    But they wouldn't be oddballs, if they were the norm...
  2. lookingforme
    lookingforme avatar
    666 posts
    4 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues
    Unless the population was small enough for every single person to be unique. Even the person who thinks the thinks "normally" (obviously not based on this town but based on the average town, would be a radical thinker.
  3. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    4 June 2016 in reply to lookingforme
    Imagine the discord. The place would be burning in no time, with all those different opinions.
    1 person found this helpful
  4. lookingforme
    lookingforme avatar
    666 posts
    4 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues
    Haha, yea. All I took from chemistry was that nature tends toward chaos anyway. Why not let it ;)
  5. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    4 June 2016 in reply to lookingforme
    Ah, chaos theory. Works for me. I did reply to that last big post, by the way, but it's back on the last page... That said, I'm just impressed one of my big posts turned up on the same day I wrote it!
    1 person found this helpful
  6. lookingforme
    lookingforme avatar
    666 posts
    4 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Yea, just trying to settle on a drama or something. I actually haven't had the concentration to watch something in a while. So this may have been a fruitless endeavor.

    Ahaha, I have the biggest, stupidest smile at your little evil game with your brother.

    Ah, you know teenage kids aren't the best people in the world. Poor guy was quiet all the time. Plus, he didn't speak English well, he was just learning it. I remember making an effort but he remained quiet and I thought I'd let the guy be.

    That's a lot of songs, I'll be sure to check 'em out when I am in that frame of mind of trying new things.

    I'm just imaging this bird bath being like a country club, and you've got your graceful one there in her element, bathing away, and plop comes the other one creating a wave which rustles the first one. I like animals, or other animals, better than humans anyway,

    When I was growing up we used to have two dogs. One of them was devoted to me (not the fluffball). This one was really scruffy, and lazy, and the fluffball loved her and hated her at the same time. Anyway, she used to hide when it was her bath time. I will say she was more street smart than book smart. Invariably, she would always be hiding in my room under my bed. I would always walk in casually calling her name, talking out loud wondering where she was. She would be absolutely still except every time I spoke she would wag her tail and it would hit the wooden bed frame. It was hilarious. She thought she was doing such a good job of hiding too.

  7. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    4 June 2016 in reply to lookingforme

    Drama, eh? I think they have Vikings on there. Good historical drama. Though I know what you mean about having trouble focusing even on TV. I have a tendency to get distracted and wander off, on a regular basis. At least, I do that when I'm at home or on my own. With my other half, or watching stuff at my sister's, I don't have quite the same trouble.

    I do love messing with my brother. Used to have a pair of pink corduroy pants I'd wear out and about to embarrass him, too. If you're gonna get ugly hand-me-downs, may as well have some fun with 'em.

    No rush on the songs. I know the list is long: I get a bit excited when someone's actually interested in my music. Doesn't happen often, it's typically written off as weird ****.

    It wasn't a country club, I'm afraid. Except for the little two who were from the same nest, the birds always stayed separate. My youngest is quite feisty and bigger than his brother, so I can't let them out at the same time and they have their own baths. I do love watching them bathe, and they both like to sit on me and preen, after. The ex tells me at least one of his two has started bathing in his hands, now. I'm a bit jealous, as they weren't doing that yet when they were still with me. And yeah, I like beasties far better than I like humans, too.

    Your dog sounds fun. We always had dogs and lots of cats, when I was growing up. I remember one time hanging out with a friend on the farm (I grew up on a farm, if I haven't mentioned it), and she found some very old duck eggs in the pen. When I say old, we hadn't had ducks in years. Thankfully she was a lousy aim because she decided to throw them at me... but my dog decided it might be fun to roll in them, when he found them. He stank so bad, we made a run for the house to get away from him, and were inside looking out the window when Dad got home and hopped out of the car, to be greeted by one excited and very smelly pup. The look on his face was priceless.

  8. lookingforme
    lookingforme avatar
    666 posts
    4 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    I think I'm all caught up on Vikings actually. Or maybe there's one more season which won't be on Netflix just yet. I actually just go blank. I have to keep repeating stuff.

    Haha, oh gosh. Pink corduroy.

    Excitement is good. It's positive. I had this music teacher in school, not the one who came home, who used to use money as incentive for competition. He introduced us to this branch of music from the continent of Africa. I can't remember which tribe or what country. It sounded like iron nails grinding on a chalk board, Just scratching away with no real count to it. And he had an awesome sound system and he loved to play it loudly. That is my baseline for weird ****. Everything else is just normal in comparison.

    Beasties are much better. Your birds have adopted loony toon type caharacteristics in my head. It's brilliant. She was fun. Yea, dogs like to roll in weird stuff. It's crazy. They're supposed to have this powerful smelling bu my gosh...if we think it stinks...what's the big draw? I can't wait to get my own animal.

  9. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    5 June 2016 in reply to lookingforme

    Like Game of Thrones, it's a good show in spite of the excessive nudity. I'm as randy as anyone, but seriously, if I wanna watch porn, I'll watch porn. It's not meant to be mixed with stories... Er, excuse the rant.

    I know what you mean about going blank. On my bad days I have a lot of trouble with that, too. Just can't concentrate. Thankfully getting better for that sort of thing. Hopefully with a little less pressure and as the side-effects from your meds ease up you'll be able to focus better.

    Yeah, I still threaten to wear pink cords sometimes. :)

    Okay, that teacher of yours raised the bar on weird ****. Clearly I need to try harder. :P (I did get a chuckle out of your tale, there.)

    Yeah, my birdies have big personalities. Definitely big enough to make a good cartoon out of. I was just telling Sherie on her thread about the young one's war on puddles. He does what I call his Sumo stomp on them, a spirited jump, landing with legs a bit splayed, then he pecks them, stomps again, and pecks some more. It's great to watch. It's like he's affronted by the puddle's existence.

    Dunno what's up with dogs. Such lovely creatures, but they've got funny ideas about what constitutes cologne...

    I think having a beastie in your life would do you the world of good. You clearly have a great affinity for them. I won't use the word pet, as that denotes ownership and I hate how people think of animals as property. When I say my birds, I think of it more as my family or my children.

  10. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    5 June 2016 in reply to lookingforme
    Aaaaand, we're back to the disappearing post game. Watch this space. Or something.
  11. lookingforme
    lookingforme avatar
    666 posts
    5 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Hey B,

    I've been nauseated and anxious the whole day, and have had to put up with people. I separate the two because one may not be from the other. Suffice it to say I'm exhausted. I want to get to your post and other threads, but probably not tonight.

    Hope you're doing okay.

  12. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    5 June 2016 in reply to lookingforme
    Look after you first, don't worry about the threads. I'm doing okay. Day off work today, so had some me time and caught up on some jobs. Got a batch of shortbread in the oven now. My cookie sheets are too big, so the biscuits keep sliding down into the ends of the sheets. Should get some smaller ones, but money and all that. The biscuits will look funny, but they'll taste fine.
  13. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    7 June 2016 in reply to lookingforme
    Busy but good day for me, today, so I can't stick around, but just letting you know I haven't forgotten about you. Hope you're having a better day today. Also, that other post I wrote has turned up.
  14. lookingforme
    lookingforme avatar
    666 posts
    8 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Hey Blue,

    I haven't been on here much (as you can tell). I've had severe abdominal pain since Sunday, and after putting up with that for a full working day, plus fighting my natural instinct to run away from anything that can help me emotionally (because that is what I do when everything gets bad in my head, and it's been reall bad) and just function with it all, I get home and crash and don't wake up until the next morning where I have to do it all over again. Again and again. I sleep for 12 hours maybe a bit more but I'm still so tired. If the pain doesn't stop in the next 48 hours, I'll have to go for an ultrasound. On some meds at the moment. My counsellor has been sick the past two weeks so I've been going it without help for a while. My instinct is telling me to just leave it, don't speak to anyone again. How can I ever really trust myself?

    Anyway, thank you for not forgetting about me. I'm sorry this is the first post in a while. I'm struggling at the moment so it's a quick one. Take care of yourself.

  15. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    9 June 2016 in reply to lookingforme

    Does sound like you've been having a rough time. In your place, I'd be trying to get some time off work. It's understandable that you're sleeping so much; your body and mind are both trying to heal, and that can take a lot of energy.

    Sorry to hear you haven't been able to talk to your counsellor. I can imagine how much harder that's making things. Allow me to tell your instincts to sit down and shut up. Right now, it seems your depression has the steering wheel on said instincts, and is trying to zoom up the freeway on the wrong side of the road. Sooner or later your counsellor will get better, and you will have that outlet again. Meantime, you can vent on here whenever you need to. I'm listening, you have my word.

    As for me, having a bit of a bad day, today. Not the worst, but I pushed myself too hard socially the last couple of days. They were great days, but compounded my sleep problems, and I crashed again last night when the exhaustion caught up with me. Got some sleep after work today, and that's helped a bit, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still struggling. What a healthy pair we are. :/

    Hope today has been a little better for you, and that you have pudding. If you don't, I made rice pudding just now, and I'm willing to share.

  16. lookingforme
    lookingforme avatar
    666 posts
    9 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Hey Blue, you were up late writing that, weren't you? I hope you got some rest. I just got home from the hospital, went straight from work. The clinic at work wanted me to go immediately before the end of the working day but there's the insurance to think about. I have to go for an ultrasound, so back to the hospital on Saturday. Fridays are pretty much non-functioning days here. I'm Thinking about taking a phlebotomy course so I can just IV everything into me. Much easier. Pain killers are certainly more effective that way. I am using a lot of energy, I can feel it sapping away. I have to remind myself, one more day, that's all, just one more day.

    I know she'll heal, and I want her to take her time with that. And I truly appreciate you listening, I feel the sincerity. Problem is, a lot of what I want to say just wouldn't quite make it on these forums. I've written all of it down and I go back to it and add, or just read it. And I ask myself, do I still feel the same? Better? Worse? I haven't been feeling better. My meds aren't exactly working, or my brain is simply outpacing them. You are absolutely right, depression has the reins now. It's like autopilot on a plane, the machinery and software is taking over, but my machinery and software are fundamentally flawed. I am self aware but unable to do anything about it. Feel free to give my depression a talking to. I am imagining you with a rolling pin, now that I know you bake. How'd those cookies then out? I love shortbread.

    Ah healthy is for amateurs. I'm glad you had a social outlet the last couple of days. Definitely a step up from your first post on this thread. Being social can also be very draining. I know it takes a lot out of me, even when I'm with my best friend. So two days sounds intensive. And catching up on rest is better than not resting, but I'm sorry that you are still struggling. Just to clarify, is it your schedule and neighbour that doesn't allow you to sleep or do you have issues with sleeping? I've been told that there are more ways than just sleep to get rest. This person hasn't been seep deprived before I think.

    I don't have pudding sadly. Thank you for the offer, but I'm not allowed pudding until I see the specialist and do that scan...I definitely have to clarify that. It's all about perspective.

    I just ate, so I'm expecting a wave of pain soon. Hope those pain killers still work through the night.

    Thanks for being there. Maybe tomorrow I will vent where acceptable

  17. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    10 June 2016 in reply to lookingforme

    Yeah, I was up pretty late. Trying to get some enjoyment out of my day after taking care of various responsibilities. Rest has gone out the window, today. Neighbour started up again. Called the cops this time... they took so long to come out the noise stopped before anyone got here. I think it's going to take a long time to make this problem go away, even if I'm consistently proactive about it. And yes, it's largely the schedule and the neighbour causing my sleep problems. Only rarely do I have trouble sleeping now, when I go to bed. Sometimes it's just that I want to do things and not go to bed - schedule as it is, I inevitably have to choose between being a person for a while or sleep. I almost never get both in the same 24 hour period.

    Do they have an idea of what they might find, with the ultrasound? I'm not well versed in medicine, and abdominal pain can be caused by a whole bunch of different things.

    Hopefully your counsellor will be better soon. As you know, I'm happy to listen, but you're right about the limitations of what you can talk about on here. They throw rather a spanner in the works. Being a frank speaker, I have to reign in my language (not just the swearing) quite a lot to get things through. There's also the factor of how public it is. I'd rather not be identified by people I know in relation to some of the things I need to get off my chest. Whilst I am quite open about my depression and a handful of the contributing factors, there are limits to how much of my private history I want all and sundry to know.

    Had to laugh at the image of me with the rolling pin. I pictured a flour-covered apron, as well. Not quite me, I must say. I seldom use a rolling pin, though when I do, it does have violent overtones (smashing up biscuits for cheesecake bases, typically... let's call it symbolic). (*wags rolling pin aggressively at your depression*)

    You've been on the new meds a while now, haven't you? Long enough to know if they're going to do anything useful, surely, and it doesn't sound promising. That doesn't mean there's no hope, but that these may not be the right meds for you. I'm sure you know there are several classes of anti-depressants, so you're not at all out of options. For me, it was a serotonin–norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor, for you it may be something completely different. I'm not entirely sure how it works, but sounds like your depression is more than reactive, like mine is. May be a different chemical process.

  18. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    10 June 2016 in reply to lookingforme

    I must admit, the social side of my life has improved significantly. I've accepted that some of the people in my life I'm just not going to see as often as I'd like, and have made more time for a different group, in the meantime. Developing those relationships more has been really rewarding, and I'm getting more time with my sister, which is good. I guess partly I was rallying against not being able to do stuff in the evening, as I'm naturally a night person, as is the case with most of my male friends, whom I hardly get to see any more. I am developing a greater appreciation for women through all this, as I've always struggled a bit to identify with other women, though I really do miss having male company other than in my relationship. I used to spend my time almost exclusively in male company, and it was a comfortable, nerdy space. Most girls just don't get that side of me, or are only about 20% as nerdy, including the ones I've been spending a lot of time with recently.

    You're right that social stuff is exhausting. Even when I'm enjoying it, I'm pretty keen for me time, after. And yeah, I think that person who said there are more ways than sleep to rest is probably a bit lacking in life experience. It's true to an extent, but certainly does nowhere near the sort of good needed when one gets to that stage of near-hallucination or feeling like throwing up from sheer exhaustion. That's where I was, Wednesday. And my hot water bottle decided to spring a leak that night, adding a soggy bed to my problems.

    My shortbread turned out okay, if a bit funny shaped. I got a new cookie sheet, yesterday, that should fit a bit better in my oven. Will get another one soon, so I can still make big batches. My other half loves my shortbread. Pudding came out well, too. It was a bit experimental, as I don't have Grandma's recipe (she did a great rice pudding, but she's gone now), and I don't want to call the aunt who has it because I can't stand her. You can have virtual pudding, old bean, it's all about thinking of the taste, no owie tummy involved. :)

    By all means vent here whenever you need to. Whether helping or being helped, talking to you does me a lot of good. Thank you for that.

  19. lookingforme
    lookingforme avatar
    666 posts
    10 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    :/ blasted neighbour...do you have other neighbours who have the same complaint? Is there, body corporate that governs your neighbourhood? I can only imagine how frustrating it is to have to choose between indulging in being human or resting so maybe you can function the next day. I just have sleep issues. It's very erratic. I sleep too much or I sleep too little or I don't sleep or I sleep but keep waking up. And I have troubling and vivid dreams.l thrown in there.

    They think it's acute gastritis. Want to confirm that and rule out the pancreas, gall bladder and bile duct. I'm not too concerned about my liver because my liver function was perfect. I was concerned as the only new thing in my diet has been the increased dose of meds in the morning, and I had a few of the symptoms I should watch out for that present when the liver is affected. So that's a relief. Not that I can still take my meds, just that my liver hasn't been affected. I've still got a few good drinking days in me after all. The pain's been located in the upper abdomen, right under the diaphragm, so that's why they are checking all those other things.

    Yea, there is so much I want to say but I know I can't say, and when you factor in who can read, you don't want to say it anymore. Everything I put up about myself when it comes to depression is edited and edited in my head. To the point sometimes that what's the use in posting. And like you, I don't want a lot of people knowing about my past. Speaking of, my mum said an absolutely absurd thing about depression and then I got an ignorant nurse. I'll tell you about it in another post.

    Hah, in my mind you had the flour coated apron on as well. I thought rolling pins were more about violence than rolling :p my depression should be very afraid.

    Yeah, I don't think these are working. I'm on an SNRI, I get full blown tremors on SSRIs. And this new one is a dopamine something. If it produces it or keeps it in my system more I'm not sure. I've had depression for at least a decade, but back then I never knew what to call it. And I definitely had traces of it growing up. Like a diluted version that got more concentrated over the years because it was never addressed or the way I felt was never addressed even though I was quite vocal at the age of 5 about how I felt my family was treating me and how I was feeling. Just never taken seriously. Where that voice is now I don't know. There were some things that happened too that i didn't share.

  20. lookingforme
    lookingforme avatar
    666 posts
    10 June 2016

    I'm glad that you're opening yourself out more to maximise that which you felt was lacking. I agree with you, women aren't as nerdy as men. But, I did do science so, I have met quite a few nerdy women in my travels. I remember a Friday evening at the lab. We'd put down the experiments to go have some drinks, as Friday was "social night" and I felt like I belonged for the first time. Just amongst these people who think like I do, appreciate sciences like I do, and talk about how we're not going to survive the zombie apocalypse and why, from an evolutionary stand point we would have been selected for or against etc. Felt good. Are you required to do more woman things because of the shift? I can see you're taking the change in your stride, so I'm seeing positives. In terms of the male relationships, I suppose a balance may arise. It is always possible that a balance will arise, though there is no guarantee of how soon that will come.

    Yea, she's never been pushed to that point. She won't accept what happens even after I've described it to her so...I just let it go. It's not at all a great place to be, are you feeling better now? Any hope of resting on the weekend?

    Shortbread is shortbread in my book, I don't judge, I just devour. Grandmas always have the best recipe. I will take that virtual pudding and...yup, delicious. What I am seeing is you throwing yourself back into something you enjoy so, you may be picking yourself up slowly? In spite of the fatigue and the crappy neighbour? It's good to see. I know a few posts back you had a hard time seeing it, so I'm letting you know.

    And thank you for telling me that and the safe space. I'm touched.

    I promised you a choice moment with my mother: Yesterday,on the way to the hospital, I'm in pain and can't handle anything and she wonders out loud to me that she can't understand how people can get depressed so easily. She referenced my aunt who has been the main caregiver of my uncle (mum's brother), who has alzheimer's and is now pretty far progressed, for 6 years. And me. She looked a me and said she only wished I was more like her. Because apparently, when she gets sad, she just picks herself up. Such a comfort.

    And the nurse last night, I was telling her what meds I was on so whatever meds I was given wouldn't have an adverse reaction. She asked why I was depressed. I don't look depressed so what makes me depressed. Luckily I didn't have to ask for a different nurse because it was shift change.

    1 person found this helpful
  21. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    10 June 2016 in reply to lookingforme

    I don't know about the other neighbours, I'm not really that friendly with them. Was hesitant to bring it up because I expected it to just come back to grumbles about my loud car being disruptive, too. Though I always tried to keep the noise down, not revving or leaving it running unnecessarily. But I took on board that sort of thing and got a muffler, even though I couldn't really afford it, so I'm in a better position for a neighbour war now. No body corporate to govern that sort of thing, it's just call the cops when it's happening. Too many calls and I expect that he will be fined. But it's apt to be a process, and I'll lose plenty more sleep before it's over, I'm sure.

    I used to have a lot of trouble sleeping. That eased a lot after I left my ex, and having my current partner to talk through things with when my mind is running away with me is a considerable help to getting to sleep. I've done a bunch of other things to help with sleep, too. My nature sounds app, and turning lights down before bed, having a bright light on a timer to help me wake up, that sort of thing. I've largely conquered my internal demons on that score. I did see your comments on another thread about the dreams. I didn't have anything useful to contribute, so I didn't comment on that. It's outside my own experience, as I'm seldom asleep long enough to be conscious of any dreams.

    At least they have an idea of what may be wrong, and are being thorough enough to check if it's anything more serious. Glad at least your liver is behaving itself. It would be a shame to cut short those drinking days.

    Yeah, the longer depression goes unaddressed or undiagnosed, the worse it gets. I know what you mean about not being taken seriously. Admittedly on other things, because it took a long time for everything to blow up into clinical depression. It was mainly in relationships for me: being the strong one, I spent a lot of time not being believed or accommodated when I needed emotional support. Eventually that catches up with you. Now we have a place where we are heard, and we are muzzled. Go figure.

  22. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    10 June 2016 in reply to lookingforme

    Yeah, it's mostly the shifts being where they are that's put me in more female company. It's frustrating, because I see so little of my bestie and my brother because of it. Even a thing in the afternoon or early evening could put me out badly because, if I were to get eight hours' sleep before a shift (hardy-har), I basically have to be asleep at 7:30 - right in that period when I'm starting to come to life and wanting to do things. Inevitably I can't quite manage to be in bed that early - I have birds to look after, and a house to clean, and occasionally want to have a ****ing life - and with the neighbour situation I can't catch it up on the other side of my shift.

    I did get about six hours' sleep last night. Enough if I wasn't already running on a deficit. No rest for me over the week-end. 5am start tomorrow, 7am Sunday, both long shifts. My other half is sick, so I won't see him at work, which is usually the main thing that makes my week-ends bearable. Not sure if I mentioned we work together.

    I'm glad you had that social space with the science nerds. Doing an arts degree, I found at uni I still wasn't among people who thought a lot like me, so had cordial acquaintanceships, but didn't make any friends there. I have, however, enjoyed the signs of nerdiness in you and Carol, here on the forums.

    Have fun devouring. Agreed, I am throwing myself back into some things I enjoy. Still having some trouble feeling the enjoyment, but there's a glimmer of it there. I don't think it will fully manifest until I get this neighbour situation under control, as the stress of consistent sleep deprivation keeps knocking me back down. Thanks for reinforcing the positive bit, though. It does help to have another voice going "hey, but at least that thing is going right".

    Man, your mother really is clueless and insensitive. And the nurse really should know better. I can see your frustration, having that sort of ignorance around you. I guess I'm lucky that I don't have too much of that sort of thing to deal with. I'm glad you're part of the Beyond Blue community, for both our sakes, as it's so important to have that bit of understanding.

  23. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    10 June 2016 in reply to lookingforme
    I'm going to take a shot at something that might not go through, or last long if it does. Because I have the profile linked up to a dummy e-mail that isn't connected to my daily business and can be deleted easily, and scarcely use the site itself (for reasons we've discussed), I deem it safe to say **** it and tell you and whoever else is following this thread, on 7 Cups, I am PurpleApricotThingy. That may open more useful and less public lines of communication.
    1 person found this helpful
  24. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    10 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues
    Not sure if I have to be a listener on there to be contactable. You may know more about that than I. Still learning, but I'm so damn tired of the muzzle and trying to take it off.
  25. lookingforme
    lookingforme avatar
    666 posts
    10 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    FearlessSpruce32 as a member

    DreamCatcher1989 as a listener

    1 person found this helpful
  26. lookingforme
    lookingforme avatar
    666 posts
    10 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Find me as a listener.

    Excellent idea. And full of gumption!

  27. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    10 June 2016 in reply to lookingforme
    Done. (I'm occasionally a woman of action.)
  28. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    10 June 2016 in reply to lookingforme
    Full of Gumption, eh? Doesn't sound appealing. You've given me an image of me sitting on the floor with a spoon, munging out on the cleaning product of the same name. Bwahaha!
  29. lookingforme
    lookingforme avatar
    666 posts
    10 June 2016 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Is gumption a cleaning product?

    ...nope, the word isn't tarnished for me. Gumption is a good thing.

    1 person found this helpful
  30. Blue's Clues
    Blue's Clues avatar
    2299 posts
    16 June 2016 in reply to lookingforme

    It's been a while since I posted on here, so just touching base for anyone following my thread to know I'm still alive. Have been very busy and spending a decent amount of time with my other half, so very tired but okay in general.

    Haven't had too much neighbour-related trouble on account of not being home much (and mercifully getting a few later shifts than usual). My attempt to get the cops to deal with the neighbour last time came to nothing because they took too long to come out, anyway. I still don't want to involve police in my domestic business, but even having forced myself to pick up the phone (not my greatest strength even at the best of times) and done something that seems so dramatic to me (I do not like drama), I have achieved precisely nothing.

    I have realised part of my stress may hark back to my first long-term relationship, which resulted in (among other things) him turning up on my doorstep yelling abuse after we broke up, and me having to call the cops to get rid of him. Weird that I'd as good as forgotten about it. Anyway, said neighbour carries on much the same way - the full out-of-control tantrum on my doorstep - only unlike my ex he lives very close to me, so I can't have him removed to somewhere suitably far away.

    Anyway, that hasn't been an immediate concern the last few days, and life has been fairly good. My man has been less busy and more attentive, and I am grateful for him and everything about him. I am very tired though, so may not trundle about the threads much for a while. Good night, all.

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