I was having, and may still be having a "let it all burn" moment.
I don't think complacent is the right word. I feel like this label has been dropped into my lap in the last few minutes of my previous psych session and not at all addressed in my last one. I brought it up, he brushed my concerns off. I mean, I tell him that I'm hearing things/seeing this shadow that follows me/my dreams creep into my vision; and for a person who depends heavily on her brain to interpret, judge and act in this world, just being told I have BPD and not all of that may be accurate is a very hard adjustment (as you know) but to also know that my brain is putting things in there, that not all of it is real, that throws me completely. The effect of reversing the poles on this earth. And before I can explain it (because I wrote it down for it to be explained, I knew how important it was), before anything real can be said, he gets me out of the door. And, I had other concerns which I mentioned earlier. He was late coming to work, he comes to work with his kids because there isn't anyone to look after them. He interrupts me to take a phone call and to message a couple of people, that smile was surely condescending, and he tells me all will be fine. I was in there for about 15 mins. If nothing else, how can he know how my meds are doing if he won't listen. So yea, let him burn. Let me explode and let him know the consequences of his inactions. I don't even want to go back really.
My psychologist like a band aid...I have this feeling she gets more out of me than I get from her at the moment. All the exercises she gives me are explained via email because we always run out of time. The last time, felt nothing when I walked out. Just that it was pointless. I should give this one more time, we've only had three sessions, apparently we will deal with the meaty stuff next time.
I wouldn't say complacent, I would say I have realized that I am not beholden to anything except myself, and I don't care about myself, anyone who knows me will know that. BPD just gives me a reason. Social norm is never going to be attained, I will have to work hard for something that resembles it only. And if I am not tethered to my society in any way, and I'm not really, then okay. Let it all burn, and let me burn with it. Gives me a perverse satisfaction. I don't think my meds are really working yet to be honest. So, they don't even get considered.