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Forums / Long term support over the journey / DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

Topic: DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

  1. demonblaster
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    18 June 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Ahh Dools 🤗 warm hugs

    You give so much to people and your humour just love it yet you struggle so much with physical and mental pain.

    I really am sorry and wish for light in your life good lady

    Leaving you a choccy bar 🍫 and a nice cup of tea, coffee or hot choccy.. just tell the cup what you want.

    See you later hun 🌹

  2. Quercus
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    23 June 2018 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi Mrs D,

    I haven't been able to help. I've been feeling the same as you. Tonight I started the ADHD meds and apart from feeling really weird... Good weird? Dunno yet. I feel like I can THINK! You mention forgetfulness a lot. It made me want to come find you.

    Then I saw you were on your last session. Right. Money. Gosh I hate money. If you check www.yourhealthinmind.org/find-a-psychiatrist you can do an advanced search and select bulk billed. Fingers and toes crossed there is something!

    I know Mary and I harp on about seeing a psychiatrist a lot but money wise it makes sense with the medicare safety net. You can get your meds and therapy in one too. I can't remember if you take meds. Sorry rude of me.

    Also I always forget there is always the helplines. The SCBS is very good. Mary told me a lot not to feel bad for ringing if I wasn't going to hurt myself. She said it is for anyone distressed. And they're really helpful Mrs D. Call them yeah? Or there is the CC counsellor. I don't know if it's just meant to be forum related but stuff it if you need help you need help. They can point you the right way.

    And there is us. Ok I do understand the temptation to want to hold it all together and inspire others. But we're human Mrs D. Just people who give two hoots about others. I care about you ok. So weird floaty mood and all if you need to talk you know where to find me ok.

    Love Nat

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  3. PamelaR
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    23 June 2018 in reply to Quercus

    Hello dear Bev

    I'm feeling for you. Sounds like a terrible place to be. There are so many things happening for you at the moment and they all seem insurmountable. But hey Bev, I know you and your tenacity. You've heaps of it.

    Parents visits must be a little hmmmmm. Wish you all the best with that.

    Study - hey, in the scheme of things, how important is it on a scale of 1 to 10? Not trying to trivilise it, but I know what study is like. It can be awful. Leave you feeling totally anxious, totally with no self esteem because thoughts go to uselessness or stupidity.

    From what I know of you Bev, you are an intelligent, smart and wonderful human being who I'd really like to meet and get to know. You make my heart sing and dance. You're full of wonder that you share so easily with others.

    How about pallaying with the depression. Gees, is that a word? Neither fighting or embracing it? Just giving it stern words, telling it to sit, behave itself, to give you space to rejuvenate yourself.

    Oh my, I have gone on. Though sending you all the caring thoughts and hugs I can my dear Bev.

    Kind regards

    PamelaR

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  4. quirkywords
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    23 June 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Bev

    I read your thread but I never have anything wise to say besides you go girl, but I find myself so in awe of your determination not to let things get on top of you.

    Stressed out and depressed, four words that express so much yet reveal so little of your pain and the struggle of others who are going through the same thing.

    I just wanted to know I am here watching and learning and admiring your strength

    Quirky

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  5. Doolhof
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    24 June 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Dear DB, Quirky, Pamela and All,

    Thank you for your very kind words, I greatly appreciate them.

    Unfortunately my study is tied up with my Government payments. If I don't stick to a schedule I can have my funding stopped! My employment lady checks each week to ensure I am meeting deadlines!

    Yesterday I pushed myself too much to get as much done as possible. Mum and Dad will be here for a few days, today we are going to Michael's parents for the afternoon and evening, Thursday a whole new lot of study will be due to be started.

    Yesterday I was a real mess. Fancy wanting to knock yourself off your perch due to study hassles! It is ridiculous I managed to get myself in such a state!

    I have an appointment to see the Dr to request 4 more sessions with the psychologist I see. I have tried to find people who bulk bill, none in our region do so, I would have to drive to the city for that.

    Yes, there are the phone support lines I could use. I quite often suggest that option to others!

    Regarding medication, the Dr is having trouble finding one that suits.

    I know things that will help, I'm just struggling to implement those things.

    I'm off to Church soon then will try to get a bit more study done so I won't be up all hours tonight when we get home after having been to the in - laws. Need to leave at 8.00 a.m. Monday to pick my parents up after a 2 hour drive.

    One thing at a time right!

    Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

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  6. startingnew
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    26 June 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs D

    Im sorry i havent been here dor abit but i see youve had some wonderful supports.

    How are you today? Hoping that black dog is staying away

    Sending hugs 😘🌻🌷💚

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  7. Doolhof
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    29 June 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hi Starting New,

    Thanks for dropping by. The black dog is curled up on my toes right now keeping them warm for me. We have come to an agreement today that I am not going to pay him any attention if he starts to play up!

    I've been to see my Dr this morning. He really deserves a gold star and an award for being such an amazingly supportive Dr! We had a laugh and a joke which helped me immensely.

    Today I have managed some study without freaking out which is a huge achievement for me and one I will try to replicate with the next lot of study I do. I have also been for a walk and done some washing.

    The visit with my parents went well as I was determined to try hard to make the most of each moment and not allow myself to become too stressed out by stuff that was not in my control. We did some nice activities together.

    Hope you are doing okay SN.

    Cheers from Dools

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  8. startingnew
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    29 June 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs D

    Im glad you have such a supportive dr. They sound wonderful esp if they make you laugh in times of need.

    Wel done on getting through your studies today and for accomplishing other things too.

    Your visit with parents sound good too. Its nice ro be able to do things with family with no or very little drama

    Im not so great but hopefully as the days pass ill be able to be more ok again.

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  9. Doolhof
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    30 June 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hi SN,

    I decided I would try hard to make the most of having my parents with me. I did let out a few swear words now and then out of frustration and stress, but they seemed to have survived that okay! Ha. Ha.

    In a way having my parents here helped me get out of a rut and to think about other things besides my own hassles!

    I'm on top of my study at present so hope to clean some of the house today. It is quite cool so some physical activity will be beneficial.

    I've started a jigsaw puzzle too, one my sister gave me. There are 1000 pieces the size of a finger nail! Some of those pieces are all very similar colours. I might just do the prominent bits and see how I get on with the rest of it.

    Hoping you have a better day today SN. Thanks for dropping by, I really appreciate it.

    Cheers to you and all from Dools

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  10. Ggrand
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    30 June 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hello Dools,

    I think it's wonderful that you can spend some quality time with you parents..I really hope your enjoying or did enjoy yourselves.🌹..

    Sometimes we need to have a change of Scenery whether it's different surroundings or different people we don't see regularly..I think it helps us to ground ourselves a little and different things to think about for a few days..

    Ohhhh..my house is need of a clean, but that job is so monotonous now, once a long time ago, I wouldn't go a day without, a complete house clean now I put it off until once a week , sometimes once a month, cleaning day takes around 3 hours, so that's 3 hours of beasty staying away from me..because beasty hates work, but the minute I finish and sit down to rest, sure enough he springs into my thoughts and starts yelling at me again....

    I used to do jig saws puzzles, but I could never complete them, my eldest son when younger bought some really pretty scenery ones, then he bought old wooden coffee tables, and restore them with the jigsaw placed under glass on the table of the table with the jigsaw completed .. ..They looked really good, then he would sell them...haha, now he's older, his patience has gone...

    Its nice to have a good dr patient relationship, the dr I had 12 months ago was like that, but she moved on as they all do here...

    Keep that black dog, curled up at your feet Dools, that's the best place for him...

    Kind thought, and wishing a little light in everyone's day..

    Grandy...

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  11. Doolhof
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    30 June 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi Grandy,

    The black dog started snarling for a while earlier on this afternoon. I soon realised it is because my back did not enjoy the bit of housework I did at all and I was in quite some pain, so I have been to have a snooze to rest my back. The black dog has wandered off for a while.

    I went out into the sun, was going to go for a walk, but the pain was too much f an issue so I went to check on the sheep and took them some kitchen scraps. The farmer told me I can also feed them a little bread as a treat now and then.

    One of the sheep especially loves the bread and followed me around for a while once all the bread was gone. I did try them with carrots, but they didn't seem too interested in chomping on whole carrots, so I chucked them over the fence for the horses to find.

    Mum and Dad have gone home now. Dad was in a lot of pain with a sore shoulder when he left, so I telephoned them both to see how they are. They have decided to start a jigsaw puzzle themselves.

    Hope you are doing okay Grandy!

    Cheers all from Dools

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  12. startingnew
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    1 July 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs D

    Getting out of our own heads an be quite good. It seems like you have a good relationship with your parents too.

    Wel done on keeping on top of your studies. I hope your able to keep balancing it all out.

    Im sorry your pain flared up from the housework though. Has it eased abit today?

    Ilike puzzles but i generally just do them on my phone. Im not a fan of the pizzle pieces scatterred everywhere.

    Gentle hugs xoxo

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  13. startingnew
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    1 July 2018
    Wow my spelling is bad tonight! My apologises
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  14. Ggrand
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    1 July 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hello Dools,

    Im sorry that your back doesn't like you doing housework, I hope it eases off for you..I'm wondering are you still going to the pain clinic, and is it or did it help at all?

    Your place sounds really lovely,. I miss the cows across the road, the other day there was 6 sheep in there escapees from another property around here somewhere. I enjoyed watching them, but I didn't feed them,,I didn't know they liked bread...if they escape again and end up across the road I will try to give them some....early evening yesterday was a huge family of kangaroos grazing across the road...

    The black dog is very persistent, but we need to be stronger then it...and we are most times...We just got to keep trying.and Dools I know you can do it...

    I sat in the sun for a couple of hours today..My daughter in law bought me this thing called 3D diamond painting a couple of Christmases ago, I started it today , its a picture of a tiger coming down the mountain, the tiger is "coloured in" by teeny weeny little gems...I don't know if I will ever finish, but I can try...there's thousands of these tiny different coloured gems...if you've ever done long stitch, it's the same layout with a printed and numbered canvas..

    Have a good night everyone and I hope tomorrow is good for you all.

    Grandy...

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  15. Doolhof
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    2 July 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hi Startingnew,

    Thanks for the post. Maybe my relationship with my parents is better than I sometimes think it is. I do count to 10 a few times before I say something! Ha. Ha.

    My back is still playing up. I have a couple of appointments to attend to day from one end of the city to the other and 5 hours apart, still haven't decided how to spend the time in-between. Might depend a little on the weather, if it is nice I will go for a walk somewhere.

    Woke up feeling like I just want to cancel the appointments, but that is just my negative thinking, so I need to deal with that.

    Hope you have a good day! Cheers from Dools

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  16. startingnew
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    2 July 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs D

    haha! I do the same thing i also tend to say 'what now' under my breath alot and 'ffs' whatever helps you through!

    im sorry about your back pain. pain and mh arent a very good mix, i hope it eases soon.

    how did you fill your day, were you ok?

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  17. Doolhof
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    2 July 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hi SN and Grandy,

    Most of my day was lovely.

    I didn't do too well at the psychologist though, walked out in tears after only about 10 minutes and left.

    If I was able to think "Happy Thoughts" 24 hours a day 7 days a week I would be doing that already!

    I also saw the pain clinic co-ordinator, she has made me an appointment for 3 weeks time to see a pain specialist Dr so will see what he has to say. She also told me I need to get my depression under control.

    I'll go looking under toadstools tomorrow to see if the fairies have left any wands there I can use to make the depression disappear or I might find some "magic happiness" fairy dust!

    Maybe I will just put on a fairy costume, dance around the toadstools, dry and smoke a few (toadstools not fairies) and then I will be happy! Hey. There you go! I have found the answer. Why didn't I think of that earlier!

    WARNING: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME AS THE FAIRIES DON'T LIKE YOU PICKING THEIR TOADSTOOLS AND THEY ARE PROBABLY POINSONOUS...NOT THE FAIRIES BUT THE TOADSTOOLS.

    I think I have almost totally lost any semblance to normality temporarily. Where are those men with white coats and the padded van?

    Cheers from a ticked off Dools

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  18. Doolhof
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    3 July 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi All,

    How do I stop myself from leaving a psychologist appointment when I become almost hysterically upset?

    Any ideas? I am getting no where fast!

    Dools

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  19. startingnew
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    3 July 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs D,

    it doesnt sound like your session went all that well. can i ask if your psychologist helped you through, or call you after you had left? they do have a duty of care to help you through that sort of thing.

    ive walked out once before but once had talked me into coming back and one i was so upset i was frozen and couldnt leave at all so i can empathise with you on that level. do you think it would be worth speaking to your psychologist about that session?

    Did you want to share whats been happening for you and perhaps we could help you abit?

    Hugs xoxo

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  20. Doolhof
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    3 July 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hi Startingnew,

    No the psychologist does not chase me up in any way. This is not the first time I have run out of the room! There are no phone calls. No check up at all. No communication. After I ran out previously, neither of us mentioned it at the next session. I do not have another appointment booked and doubt I will be calling for one.

    I felt like my buttons were being pushed too much and I imploded. I didn't have the answers to the questions I was being asked. I was told over and over that I need to make an effort, that I need to think happy thoughts, that negativity will get me no where.

    I had no responses to give when asked what my hopes and dreams are, what success looks like to me, what I could do to add happiness to my life. I don't have a clue about any of that when I am horrendously depressed and growing increasingly more withdrawn and stressed like I was at the appointment.

    Now I am back to where I was, trying to deal with this hideous illness by myself.

    I doubt I will be contacting that psychologist ever again.

    Thanks for caring SN! Cheers from Dools

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  21. startingnew
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    3 July 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Wow Mrs D, no that doesnt sound right to me at all, im sorry they arent supportive. i had one like that and said im not coming back (it got the point where she was blaning me for having a mh issue) because like you i couldnt and still cant answer those questions. sometimes its good to be able to answer them however when they start to feel pressuring rather than a goal, it becomes counterproductive.

    i think trying to find another psychologist would be the way to go. dont give up though ok, im in the same boat, i cant really afford the sessions after the mental health care plan has ended so im looking for bulk billing psychologists so perhaps that would be an option for you too if you need..

    i know it might seem like it but your not alone, you have all of us here to help you along.

    big hugs xoxoxo

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  22. startingnew
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    3 July 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    HI Mrs D

    im sure i had posted abit earlier today.. ill wait abit longer before posting again

    thinking of you though and sending hugs in the meantime xoxo

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  23. Doolhof
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    4 July 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hi Startingnew,

    Hope you have an okay kind of a day.

    Cheers from Mrs. D.

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  24. startingnew
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    4 July 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Morning Mrs D

    My post has popped up frm yesterday now

    Wishing you a good day and hoping that black dog behaves itself

    Xoxo

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  25. Doolhof
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    4 July 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hi Startingnew,

    Some of my day has been good and some has been not so good, so I am going to concentrate on the good!

    I managed to get a couple of loads of washing done, dried and put away.

    I went to check on the sheep and they were in a very excitable mood! Even the old de-sexed ram was jumping up and down and bouncing all over the place! They were all running around like excitable kids in a playground. They were hilarious!

    The craft group went well, had some lovely conversation and laughs.

    Went for a walk in a pretty park, listened to the birds and saw some people walking some cute little dogs.

    The physio has hopefully helped with my back.

    Home and sorted out a few things ready for a couple of days away.

    Trying to be positive and not allow the negatives of the day to take over!

    Cheers to you and all from Dools

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  26. Birdy77
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    4 July 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Dools,

    You are an absolute inspiration.

    Even at your lowest, you inspire us all with your positive outlook.

    You amaze me.

    I am a big fan of yours.

    🌻birdy

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  27. Doolhof
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    5 July 2018 in reply to Birdy77

    Hi Birdy,

    Thanks for your kind words. Part of my day yesterday included thoughts of suicide. I decided I didn't want to focus on those! I'm trying really hard to get my life back into a more helpful and pleasant perspective.

    I need to concentrate on trying to find acceptance of my depression, to realise there are some moments that are going to be unpleasant. Even so, with some hard work and determination, I can try to see the good around me as well.

    It is not always easy. It can be a struggle. It can be done...a whole lot better some days than others!

    Cheers to you birdy, wishing you a day where you can see the bright spots! From Dools

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  28. Ggrand
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    5 July 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hello Dools,

    Distraction is all I seem to be doing lately and even distraction can get very monotonous and boring..

    Im so pleased you diverted your thoughts onto something else when thoughts of suicide were present for you...Well done..

    I agree Dools some days are easier to find reason then other days but there is reason every day.

    I don't think the animals, ie sheep, dogs, cats, cows, kangaroos, have any idea just how many times they help us.

    I was on my way home from my psychiatrist visit.. When my emotions took over and I had to pull over...

    While I was sitting their drying my eyes i heard noises next to me...When I looked up, their was a group of about 15 kangaroos, a big red, huge kangaroo, some joeys and other ones, they were mostly all of them standing on there back legs just staring at me...I kept looking at them, Eventually Some started to eat the brown dry grass, some jumped away and headed down into the bush..the rest followed,

    I was now looking at nothing but gum trees, grass, etc, the kangaroos were gone, feeling a little better I headed towards home...Not even 1 kilometre I went when I had an urge to slow down..Just then out hopped the same group of kangaroos and straight across the road in front of me..

    For some reason I wanted to tell you about my morning...

    Did I at stop at that particular spot when I was being helped by the unknown, or were the kangaroos there at that spot to help me when I needed help?

    Hoping your day goes okay for you lovely Dools..🕊.

    Grandy 🕊👼

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  29. Doolhof
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    7 July 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi Grandy,

    Thanks for sharing your wonderful story with me and everyone. There have been times when I have been somewhere or done something and have wondered about the power of God (for me) or the power of the Universe or what ever that might be for other people.

    I've not seen a mob of kangaroos like that just on the side of the road. It certainly can be frightening when they all hop out at you! Just one kangaroo on the road can give me the chills!

    Last week I was in the city so called into a library. I picked up a book called "Creating Well-Being" by Pamela A Hays. I haven't read much yet, what I have read is making a lot of sense. She has exercises in the book so I will see if I can purchase the book to work through it properly.

    Yesterday I attended a seminar with the Beyond Blue Champs, BB Staff plus a couple of guest speakers who were psychologists. So much of what I heard at the seminar has been very beneficial to my own recovery and growth.

    My last appointment with the psychologist did not go well at all. I have had an opportunity o consider that, to work out where I need to go from there and feel like I have some answers now due to the book I "found" and through the seminar.

    I'm feeling more positive about being able to help myself, to get out of the rut I have been stuck in and to find solutions and better still, hopefully put them into action!

    Cheers to you from Dools

    4 people found this helpful
  30. startingnew
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    startingnew avatar
    5861 posts
    7 July 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    hey Mrs D

    im really glad to hear your perking up and the seminar and the book were helpful and inspiring. i really hope you can find the answers youve been searching for and also implement them as well.

    1 person found this helpful

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