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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

Topic: Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

  1. CMF
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    21 August 2021 in reply to randomx

    I wanna tell him to stay home tomorrow. Not to come over.

    I'm tired if lifting the rug.

  2. CMF
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    22 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    I've was crying all night. So upset about an argument with my older daughter few days ago. She's gone to stay at her dad's. It's her 18th this Friday. This lockfown is taking such a toll. I'm heartbroken. I've messaged her to apologise.

    M was supportive today as I cried. He doesn't do well with tears but he listened, he validated my feelings, he was understanding.

    It was nice.

  3. quirkywords
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    22 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    Sorry you had an argument with your daughter. I am glad M was supportive.

    it is stressful times in lockdown and I know I have had someone misinterpret a simple question as a criticism.

    take care

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  4. CMF
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    22 August 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Thank you my dear friend Quirky,

    She came home tonight. I'm so relieved. I had messaged her to apologise but also pointed out her words were hurtful. We will have dinner for her bday Friday.

    I think I'll sleep better tonight.

    Cmf x

  5. randomx
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    22 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    That's great cm. Things like this are so stressful and hurtful with out kids.

    To a peaceful week.

    rx

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  6. Tess2
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    23 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    Dear CMF, be gentle with yourself. You are doing great, stating what you need and considering his needs. Take a day off just for yourself and your little girl don’t think about this other stuff

    tess

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  7. CMF
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    3 September 2021 in reply to Tess2

    I'm so done. I'm so tired. I'm so sick of how we have to live. I'm exhausted with work, life. Covid. Had an argument with daughter again tonight. I've been patient all week. She leaves dishes everywhere. Is moody, annoys little miss. I booked her for AZ but her dad is pushing her to get Pfizer. He booked her in at Sheparton! That's a couple of hours away and a Covid hotspot. Crazy. We got an email from school, she has assessments next week and must have Covid test before attending. Today is M and my 3rd anniversary helps. Owing over to celebrate but BOOM! It all fell apart. I was busy with work, flowers arrived from him AND at same time got a msg to say im a tier 2 contact must get tested and isolate immediately. I emailed work tried to locate testing site & rushed out before they closed. M called. I ranted about everything. Pouring rain, they refused as too full went to a walk on clinic. Closed.. frustrated, angry. Told daughter her bf cannot come over and cancelled with M. Got home told daughter well both go in the morning. She cracked it, too early, didn't want to get vaxed on her own do asked her dad to take her then telling me pfizer better for her. I cancelled it. She sat in her room in the dark, everytime I went in to talk to her she snapped. Came out for dinner tried to email testing tines she kept snapping then stormed off. I lost it again. Told her I'm trying to help her. Trying to be patient but I'm not a door mat. She needs to look at how she speaks to me. M didn't call again. Just bloody text messages. Why is he never supportive or understanding when I need it? Yet he feels for others struggling but tells me we need to soldier on.

    I'm so tired. Mentally, emotionally so exhausted 😢

  8. randomx
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    3 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hiya cm

    Damn what a run you've had then eh. And there's nothing worse is there when on something like a Fridy late arvo you rush out and go to all that trouble , in the rain , tired , had enough, trying to do the right thing and what do you get.

    Kids can be so hard can't they , ex and l only yesterday we just having a chuckle and thanking the Gods we only had one. But why on earth would he send her to Sheparton of all places right now . But yeah , whata yr of this crazy bs , and l suppose your d must've had her share too trying to finish school in this mess. Sorry you've been having a few run ins too , my d and l had a big fight the other day too. l was that pissed off at her she's a good hearted girl but so lazy and sloppy as hell round the house just leaves crap all over the place and my God it just wears you out not only living with it but having to be on their case about it every damn day too doesn't it, or this , or that, or something else.

    lt's been an exhausting crazy bloody yr though alright that is for sure. l feel like l'm going half mad at this stage with everything else that's happened on top of it. But l really feel for the parents like yourself too having to switch to working at home, kids being home and some how managing all that and schooling too, must be a nightmare.

    We're about 3yrs too but as you know a bit up in the air so there's been no anniversary with the situation and her being up there we weren't too worried or fussed she was much the same as me about it.

    Anyway hope the wkend improves for ya .

    Big hug.

    rx

  9. CMF
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    3 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    Thanks rx,

    I was so happy to see your reply cos I feel do lonely. I called M cos I was so upset about d. Could hear sis in background of course then heard her and bf say goodnight. I know M was looking forward to a nice evening but I guess life is full of disappointments. How many times have I been disapointed/interrupted by her. How many times have I had to suck it up? Oh that's right, for 3 years. Haha don't feel so bad now.

    Yeah, we are working, schooling, living all in the same space every single day. No break. Although older d is in her room most of the time,but still, work/home/school is all one space.

    I'm so defeated.

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  10. randomx
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    3 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    Ah pleasure em .

    Was nice to see you around ut yeah shame it wasn't a better situation eh.

    But oh man l could just imagine , and the same space thing. My d's been sleeping bc she's home so much so that's really helped her moods. But l work at home to so ad in all her mess and here 24 7, ummmm, it ain't exactly helping right now. Poor buggers had a helluva run though too last 18mths and now she hasn't even got a car, gotta try and find more patients. Story of a parents life eh. Could only imagine how it must've been for you and now with a few tangles thrown into the mix .

    You are right though it is and you've sure been patient with that bloody sis of his , and him to actually.

    Hope for some wkend reprieve eh.

    We got my d another car this wk but it will take a few wks to get it here and rwc and what have you , but hopefully things my end in that department will get a bit easier.

    rx

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  11. CMF
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    4 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    He knows how upset I was last night. He knows igot Covid tested today . We sent goodmorning messages, he said we'll done on getting the test, he told me it would have been his dad's 77th bday today, i sent my blessings but he hasn't asked how I'm feeling. After knowing how distressed and upset I was yesterday he hasn't adked. I have to isolate till I get a negative result. Hasn't asked if I need anything like food.

    His lack of empathy is too much right now. His perfect happy life, not affected much by lockdown, is too much. He felt sorry for mate who was really really down cos he loves footy and can't go. He felt really sad for him but hadn't checked in on me.

    Wtf is that?

  12. randomx
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    4 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    Just finished work, a glass of wine and some relaxo around the net is my restup so l'm checking in on ya.

    The test oooo l don't envy you and now some more at home just to ice the cake . At least it's the wkend , l hope d's are behaving.

    The problem is , he just isn't like that. So that everything you show him and teach him he can come up with some feel good later from that and say some nice things , but he doesn't understand it bc it's just not inside. So if you were to tell him what you've said here, he'd jump and start patching it up , but that doesn't mean he'll understand it or see it though next time or the next . Or if he does it'll only be from the learning of this time , not bc he actually feels it or gets it but just in the trying to do the right thing.

    The mate and his footy eh, poor thing, such tragedy.

    Do you have any wine in the house .

    rx

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  13. CMF
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    4 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    I know it's just how he is not intentional. We spoke. Told him about D today. He says need to sit her down and talk to her. When I sit him down to talk about his sis he does nothing about it. Tomorrow is Father's Day. He said he'll have brunch with his kids then come over then suggested I could go there to get out of the house. I said no straight away but then thought that's not fair on him so told him I would. I then thought if sis' bf is there & son's gf then there are too many people from different households. Wouldn't it be nice if they made a sacrifice and stayed away so I could go. M has had 2 messages to get tested from different sites, me 1 so far. Mingling like that is just not right and I told him. I know they won't care about me missing out. All about their pleasure.

  14. CMF
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    4 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    He sent me beautiful flowers with a vase for our 3 year anniversary and said he can't believe it's been 3 years. I told him that's because we are in the same situation we were 3 years ago. I think he got the hint.

  15. Tess2
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    4 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    Dear CMF,

    i am glad you posted as I was wondering about you. I am here for you too. It is all difficult and complicated by Covid, but sometimes that can be an excuse too. I just want you to. Be happy. Your daughter sounds like she is challenging at the moment, but you know how she really is and maybe she just doesn’t have the maturity to manage how life is at the moment.

    Take care of yourself CMF,

    tess

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  16. CMF
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    5 September 2021 in reply to Tess2

    Thanks Tess

    The situation with my d is hurting me so much. I'm just staying away.

    What a strange w/e. The number 3 had been significant for M & I. Friday 3/09 was our 3 year anniversary but we couldn't celebrate cos I had yo get Covid tested. Yesterday would have been his dad's bday, as M was cycling he bumped into his ex wife. Hasn't seen pr spoken to her for years. He says it was his dad being a smart Alec from the heavens. His dad never liked the ex. Today I opened FB and the first post I saw was a memory on his sis' timeline of their dad's 70th. Family pic with M's ex wife. Pretty funny it's our 3rd anniversary and she's popped up twice. I wonder what today holds lol

  17. CMF
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    5 September 2021 in reply to Tess2

    Hi again Tess,

    Yes Covid is tough. Each lockdown is harder and I do understand your point of using it as an excuse. I am really struggling this time. I'm fatigued. Work is harder, Communication with colleagues frustrating.

    M listened re my daughter, offered suggestions but as he pointed out, I'm very stubborn. I don't want to sit her down for a chat cos she'll jump down my throat and I'll fire up. I'm going to leave her be. This week she needs to attend school for assessments. I'm hoping having a break from being stuck in the house will help.

    M says I'm so angry and reactive. Told him it's not anger, it's hurt and that he wouldn't underdtand cos his kids don't treat him like that nor their mother after all she did to them.

    My Covid test was negative so I'll go to M's today. Change of scenery for me. Hopefully a good day.

    Take care my friend. I appreciate you.

    Cmf x

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  18. CMF
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    6 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    We had a lovely Sunday. Went to M's for brunch with his boys. Watched tv, had a long, long walk to the cemetery where my parents & grandparents are. His idea. Got back, watched TV again then sis & bf turned up late in the arvo it was nice to see them. They'd had a big night drinking with a couple of friends. So much for lockdown rules. Disappointing. When I told him little miss & her dad were visiting outside the 5klms he said how can they just break the law. I don't know if he was being sarcastic. I realised when I asked M who would be at his house for brunch he must have thought I didn't want to go if sis was there. That wasn't my concern. I had been thinking that I don't believe he'll sell his house so I asked M if he'd told his boys about it. He said not yet, spoke about what he wanted to fix/change. Told him not to over capitalise and then he told me plans might change. They might sell their townhouse instead as it's vacant. He quickly said his sis won't want to stay at his she might bulldoze hers and build her dream home or buy with bf. She wants to build where their mums house is but mum doesn't want to move. We both agreed she can't force her to. Not sure if the sis agrees. When she wants something she gets it. I asked where her and bf would live if she bulldozed hers and built and he said maybe with his mum.

    I know they have alot to work out/hink about but I don't even know what to think or believe anymore. I'm not privy to anything, I feel that sis won't move from his but he won't tell me, admit I was right. I was tempted to say this time next year we'll be having this same conversation. He was distracted I felt, he said he was just chillin. Maybe he missed his dad, maybe he's sick of me as I've been so angry and upset lately, maybe he knows things are up in the air with their plans. He knows how I feel about all that.

    I don't even know anything anymore. My overthinking has turned a nice day into a confusing day because I know he doesn't speak up so I'm feeling I can't trust his thoughts.

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  19. randomx
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    6 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hiya cm.

    Just on the house situation , really , it's understandable it's such a big decision. M's isn't cut and dry there's the kids, you and him and those future plans, your kids, his families set up and properties, sis's part ownership. lt's just that say even in my situation , 3yrs l've been tossing everything around with my place and what to do , when , go where , and gf and l have been talking about it all right through too , yet l'm still not sure. Finally l think l've made a decision but now that is still depending on some other things and how they go to as yet.

    Sounds like sis and bf will be on their way out though so at least that's something eh. l still can't believe she managed to fall into something new so soon , that actually sounds like it's a keeper, could be a blessing for you i the end though. Surely they'll want their own place sooner or later.

    rx

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  20. CMF
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    7 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx,

    Yes there is lots to think about. He said he wanted to sell to pay back his sis and have no mortgage. Now it's sell the townhouse and use the money to fix his place bit it sounds like alot he wants to do. Alot for a nan with 2 adult boys, and what about the mortgage then? The townhouseis owned by the family. His house is quite big too when he started redoing the driveway and front fence I knew he wasn't going anywhere and I told him. Guess I was right.

    Yeah, sis ' bf is a keeper. He's great but I hope when he says she/they will live at their mum's if she builds that's it's not again just saying what he thinks I want to hear. I did also tell M a while back that I reckon her bf would move in there before she moves out.

    When he spoke about her building he said straight away she won't stay at his, she'll want to move. Unfortunately I won't believe it till I see it. I know he says I'm not there. I don't hear everything but I see it. She dominates and gets what she wants, he doesn't stand up to her. I've told him how I see it and he knows it.

  21. CMF
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    7 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    Rx I love hearing your male perspective. i feel like I'm always raising things and he doesn't. he says i don't do anything that could upset him, but i don't know. He was really quiet Sunday, thought he would be excited that i went there. He may have styed up late to watch car racing. when i asked he said he was just chillin'...but i don't believe it. He wasn't looking at me much, looked distracted...yeah, could have been tired. Maybe he's distracted cos he know the house situation is up in the air. As i keep saying, when he told me there may be a new plan he said straight away that his sis won't want to stay in his house. I guess after the conversations we've had he knows my stance re her moving out and he said she'll move out if they sell...but not selling it now by the looks of things...He did say he'll sell and downsize later when i do so i guess he is looking at the future with me.

    I'm def triggered by his quietness. He doesn't answer some of my messages, ones that don't require and answer really so i guess i'm overthinking. As he is not someone who brings thigs up ie sweeps them under the carpet, i don't trust him a little when he seems off/distracted. He could turn around tomorrow and end things. If he felt there was an issue would he bring it up with me or just make a decision to do what he wants with no warning or discussion with me. I mean, that is what he is doing with his house/sis situation. i don't get told anything unless i ask. He sent beautiful flowers and wanted to celebrate our 3 year anniversary f5riday but it wa not to be although he still wanted to come over after my covid test. i was the one who pulled the plug cos i was stressed, running around in the rain to find a testing centre. yeah i feel bad but i was not in the mood, plus the issues i was having with my daughter.I guess i killed the moment but then again, his sis has killed plenty of them for me. He can be very matter of fact and seems non caring so why should i feel bad?

    Yeah , def triggered and over thinking

  22. randomx
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    7 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hiya cm and thanks for that.

    But nah , it's not about you , he might've even been missing his dad , or something else, or even just tired. These non bring it up types are a pain in the arse l know , still cringe when l think of ex w in that way.

    But you know , on the house front , he's well aware that you won't want sis around so l wouldn't sweat it, he's def' got that message . lt is pretty complicated though like there are way more choices to think over than in most situations plus all his family stuff too soooo. He's def' thinking on it all though and you guys too.

    My vote , relax , see what unfolds .

    Big huggems

    rx

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  23. CMF
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    8 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    Yeah,

    He does have a bit to think about and he does know my feelings on it all.

    We spoke last night, all good, had a laugh. I was really up beat as I have been in the worst mood. Upset with my daughter, tired and busy with work and he has been coping the brunt of it just with my attitude and mood. Not really fair on him. I guess I'm going to try and be more conscious of my mood around him, especially when it's not his fault. We should be happy around each other but i'm letting outside things ruin my mood.

    Interesting times ahead i guess lol

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  24. CMF
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    11 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    I've been in a much better mood as the week has gone on. M slept over last night. We had a nice dinner and our delayed 3 year anniversary celebration with some bubbly. We were both really happy.

    He mentioned how happy I was and how he loves seeing me smile. He loves my smile. It made me realise how grumpy and negative I've been. I've been angry, ranting, negative and he has been so tolerant.

    I feel like the old me again. Patient, understanding. Wanting to help others. I just want to feel good like this all the time.

    Cmf x

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  25. randomx
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    11 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    Nice one cm that's the spirit.

    l fell into that trap myself last few times we were together recognized almost the same things in your posts lately. For me it was not us problems but all of her situation. l'd become all negative and untrusting of it all but since she's left for back home the last time l've just had her gorgeous smiles and playful eyes kind of sparkling looking up at me memories flashing in front of me mths now. The guilt's been killing me bc l realized what a negative drain l'd been and yet how she'd kept trying to pick me up look on the bright sides and tolerated my moods and negative. Yet , even though she has far far more on the line than me. lt should've been me carrying her if anything.

    l've apologized and tried to make it up to her as much as you can from 1200k away but l still have the visions and guilt.

    rx

  26. CMF
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    12 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    Rx

    Don't feel guilty. Your feelings are valid and reflect your reality. You're allowed to feel the way you do.

    We had a nice day. Interesting actually. I was in a good mood but not ad good as Friday. Just Sinday blues knowing I have work tomorrow. M actually asked what was wrong. He said I seemed a bit flat again, unlike Friday where I was really happy. Told him it was just end of weekend blues. I was surprised he asked. The only other time he's asked was day after the incident with the rug. When so's followed us into his bedroom and tried to takeover. He noticed that day that I'd shut down. Maybe good mood Friday reminded him how I am when I'm happy. Maybe he's picking up on how different I am when I'm happy and how much nicer it is. I was surprised he asked today. Maybe he's worried about things that trigger my bad moods? Maybe he's finally catching on?

    Cmf x

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  27. CMF
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    12 September 2021 in reply to randomx
    I may be wrong but have a feeling he knows the uncertainty with his house and sis moving or not moving is a sensitive point. I think he's realised that maybe I'm right, she may not move out for a while. She may be there indefinitely, esp if she wants to build. I don't think he has any idea. It's all speculation cos he won't come straight out and ask her. He's knows I'm onto it too cos of the conversations we've had. He keeps saying she'll want to move, she won't want to stay there but I doubt he knows that for certain. I think he's saying that cos I've clearly expressed my views.
  28. randomx
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    13 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hiya cm , and thanks for that/ Yeah l suppose so , as long as l'm not unfair to her though in the meantime , which l was , hence the guilt . But all that's sorted anyway , least of our problems these days unfortunately.

    Haaaa, of course he'd be picking up on your moods he's living them. l think though with him where that just becomes a bit blurry though is that he tends to act in the past like they aren't there and sweeps away. But he's def' facing awareness a bit more these days, small m steps hey. Cm's thinking God your not kidding, wipes brow, sigh.

    On the sis thing , lets just say he is sweating a little . He knows if anything happens she doesn't he's gonna have a very very peed off cm on his hands. But he certainly doesn't wanna go asking her or pushing it either , he's probably saying a few prayers privately on that one by now haha.

    rx

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  29. Parisrose2021
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    21 September 2021
    Hi there. I’m relatively new to mental health. First diagnosed a year ago with anxiety and depression, panic attacks, no symptoms prior. Journey has been up and down, with a stint in hospital and am in hands of the best psychiatrist I could wish for. I felt like I was making the best progress I could wish for, close to moving to less frequent appointments with doctors but I regressed about six weeks ago without any reason. I have no idea why. It breaks my heart. Has this happened to anyone else before and do you know why? Your experience means the world to me. Thank you so much.
  30. quirkywords
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    22 September 2021 in reply to Parisrose2021

    CMF

    the uncertainty of the move and what his sister will do would be difficult on both of you.

    Parisrose

    Thanks so much for your first post and welcome to the forum.

    Alas mental health is more of a journey than a destination so there will times when everything is plain sailing and then it goes through a bumpy period.

    It is great you have reached out here. You may find starting your own thread will help you as more people will see your post.

    How do I start a new thread?
    At the top of each section is a blue "new thread" button. Clicking on this will open a dialog box for you to start a new thread. You need to be registered as a member and logged in to see this button and post. You can start new threads in any section, except for the Long Term Support Over The Journey section, where the new thread button has been disabled. Please also read through our tips for writing threads here.


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