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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

Topic: Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

  1. CMF
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    23 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Besides sleeping together, I'm pretty much watching him enjoy the things he should be enjoying with me,but he's enjoying them with another woman.

    I'm close to calling hom & telling him I just can't do it anymore. She thinks her 15month relationship was a long time. What about my 3& 1/2 years of putting up with her?

  2. randomx
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    23 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Ooooo, that was an earful for sure. At least he's asked and offered to fix it somehow though even if he doesn't understand it. The thing is too that you both might not even know for sure what you are and if your gonna be happy bc there's been no real living as a couple in all this time just you two and the kids and your worlds as two. 31/2 yrs it's important to know that and live it isn't it .

    Ha, get her out had to chuckle yep , that's about it isn't it. l almost feel sorry for her in a way though she's been such a huge help to him and his kids through those hard times and she's kinda l think unintentional with her crap. She does sound like she really likes you too problem is she has no bloody clue.

    Very tricky one for m bc she won't understand the way he doesn't understand so he has so many things he needs to straighten out with her where would you start. Hey , your right though buying her out could be the most straight forward solution.

  3. CMF
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    23 January 2022 in reply to randomx
    That's if she goes
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  4. randomx
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    23 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Sorry cm , just realized you just said basically the same stuff to me over on my thread too, funny yep we think alike and yep, both stuck. l give yours a better chance than mine though tbh.

    But you know what, if she goes, l was thinking about that. It could be a way for m to sort of say it all but without even saying too much or offending her or seeming ungrateful. He could approach her about needing to buy her out, well if that was possible first of all, but add too that because you guys have been together 31/2 yrs now and you want to start life together as a couple, or something like that. l mean that's perfectly understandable isn't it, even sis could get that.

    Just thoughts.

    rx

  5. CMF
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    24 January 2022 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx

    I might have a better chance but I have no fight left. He said when she's around h sees me change. I shrink, my body language changes & my unhappiness is written all over my face. So he does see it & just carries on like normal, says/does nothing. He's ok seeing me suffering. If he buys her out she may not leave as she's too comfy. He probably wouldn't have the b____ to ask her to as he feels he's kicking her out. He may need to make a decision. Her or us? I can't continue to watch my partner be a family with another woman, regardless of who it is. If he can't see that, that he's happy got all he wants, and I'm not, then it's time to move on. He can't have his cake & eat it too. His boys are adults now, she doesn't need to mother them. If they need each other go fill the voids on their lives, then they can have each other. If they can't be alone in their own houses, then I'm out. I'm really close to telling him. Sick of him sweeping under the carpet, telling me to focus on other things, telling me it won't be long, asking me what's the solution, taking no responsibility & putting it on me. I've told him so many times. I'm suffocating. It's such a big blow to our relationship. I said I'd wait till October last year, then I said early this year. I can't keep having my feelings pushed aside. I feel like telling him now that I'm sorry, can't do this anymore.

    Cmf x

  6. randomx
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    24 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Ah cm , was hoping the wkend rolled around you two have a nice day and it all lifts the spirits again for ya , as it usually does. l know though it's running too deep now , so sorry about that.

    Well at least he can actually see it and even acknowledges it that's big for m. But yeah sadly that's all been very obvious for yrs even here anyway. He could've still done a lot of things all this time though without even needing to front her. He could've been involving you and you two as a couple into his world there properly and making it known just by actions that you two are his priority all this time. Showing his focus and attention, his time, is on you now. l mean she'd see that and take the hint if he put it across and it's only natural anyway. When one becomes a couple they drift off eventuality into their new world and life becomes them that's how it goes. The others are still part of their life but the priority is ea other.

    That's what she's needed to see for yrs now.

  7. CMF
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    25 January 2022 in reply to randomx

    Thx rx,

    He does involve me & us as a couple but she is so dominant. I realised this is the issue. No matter how nice a person she is, her personality irritates me. She's still posting on social media about having Covid. WE KNOW. Ok, she's training, it's hard pist Covid but she makes it sound like she was on her death bed. I reckon her ex was like me in some ways ie had to watch his money/spending & seeing her post everything she does ; buys can be depressing when you don't have that. It annoys me for sure. M & I agree any man would find her overpowering over time. The height, the money, the car, the soci media. She needs someone like her.

    On another note as these holidays were stuffed I'm asking for time off over Easter & suggested to M we could do something. Sis actually suggested it last week too. I know she wants happiness for us, it's the overbearing personality in my face ALL THE TIME. I'm having another reading this week. Last one was pretty spot on, can't wait to see what this one shows.

    I fell down the rabbit hole, need to claw my way out. M asks what the solution is,maybe he needs to make it clear that we want time without her around, like she used to her. It is his house too. They call her 'the boss'. I told him yes, you just let her take over everything. Guess other option is I just stop going there again. He can come to me. This is why summer is hard, cos he has the pool. I'd love to pop over for a coffee tonight but I won't cos of her.

    Cmf x

  8. randomx
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    25 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Yeah sounds like he is doing more these days, she needs it, poor you. Great about some holidays , so envy , more you two time would really help so much too wouldn't it, until someone moves haha. But yeah l'm sure she would want happiness for you two too.

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  9. CMF
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    26 January 2022 in reply to randomx
    Ask & you shall receive. Went to M' for a swim today with little miss. Was feeling anxious about sis being there. No one there but M. We say, talked, swam, relaxed. K expected her home at anytime to ruin it but didn't happen. When we left I thanked M for a beautiful day. He agreed relaxing, I said perfect. I later saw on FB she's gone away a few days. I had forgotten. M didn't mention it. Either he thought I remembered or he remembered he said he wouldn't talk about her so much cos it annoys crap out of me.
  10. randomx
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    26 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Haaaa, beautiful, just what you needed. But what a shame he didn't tell you, you would've relaxed and who knows what else. At any rate though, really nice to hear.

    rx

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  11. CMF
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    26 January 2022 in reply to randomx

    Yeah, she was talking about it but I forgot haha. When I had rant on the weekend i told him he talks about her so much. He said he'll stop lol.

    Was thinking today that a woman wants to look after her man, not have another woman looking after him. Sharing his home, buying him things, mothering his kids, enjoying time/things he should be spending with his partner.

    Cmf x

  12. randomx
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    27 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Yeah for sure , exactly parts of what l was trying to get at earlier. All those kinds of things are such a natural progression between a couple , shame you two just haven't had the chance to be a real couple or for you to be that part of his life , both your lives.

    Such a shame for us too , we have all that whenever she's down and it's really beautiful we fit like a clove, real life ,even with my daughter. rx.

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  13. CMF
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    27 January 2022 in reply to randomx

    Had a reading done tonight. So accurate. First thing she said was that I was stuck lt came up everywhere. M's sis keeps appearing as dominant & controlling. She picked up that I'm at my wits end & if things don't change I'm ready to walk away which is a shame cos we are so good otherwise. Said M is really aware now & will make an effort to improve things. She said he should come to my house more & we should cook & do things together at his so sis can see we are the couple as she is ignorant to the impact she is having by alwzys being around. She said I need to cement myself more, show sis I am the partner & she needs to give us space. There was more, funnily enough my M sent me a pic of a beach house they like. Not sure if they're serious about buying but he said it would be great for us to get away on weekends or school holidays and be alone. He is right, but it's Bandaid solution. She'll still be always in my face at his house ,& during the week they still live like a couple.That's the issue he's avoiding.

    Cmf x

  14. randomx
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    28 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Exactly what l've been saying. And when sis sees it to she finally starts to realize she's not no 1 and you two really are your own couple and your m's world. But l'm not saying it's all on you or anything it can't be. l think it's on m actually bc it's their place and it's his irritating sister that so far he's just allowed . But eh , yep he is getting his head around it for sure.

    Hey , l wonder if this woman's married or gives out much relationship advice bc they usually aren't so that part always cracks me up. ps , beach house eh , you two are getting on my nerves, kidden. Lucky bugger.

    rx

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  15. CMF
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    28 January 2022 in reply to randomx

    Hey rx ,

    I thought about the beach house thing. It would be theirs but M says we could use it anytime. Go on weekends, be alone etc. I told him later it's a nice idea but doesn't really change the real issue. She'll still be living with him. I thought M was eventually going to give her money back, turns out no. She'll always own half the house. The woman did say in the reading that sis was done with her relationship before it ended & She'll put herself out there & meet someone soon cos she really wants to.

    Fingers crossed lol.

    Cmf x

  16. CMF
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    28 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    rx,

    Oh, in the reading she also asked if I had another man on the scene, was I talking to someone?. I'm certainly not but I wonder if she picked up on you?

    Haha

    Cmf x

  17. CMF
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    28 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    I have anxiety & I'm so flat. I just cant get out of it. I feel everything's negative, things going wrong & I can't handle it. What if the situation with M is what's causing my vibration to be so low. What if it's the cause of me feeling like everything's a struggle? Maybe I'm on the wrong path. He said he's sleeping over tomorrow but we often do Friday night dinner at his. He didn't suggest it. Maybe cos sis is back today & he knows I'm sick of her being around us? He could come to mine. I'm guessing he won't.

    I think I'm not on the right place at the moment. Too many band aid solutions not enough action.he doesn't understand anxiety, accepts the sis situation as ok, even normal. We're not only on different pages, we're in different books. Maybe this whole relationship situation is holding me back?

    I just don't think I can do this anymore.

  18. CMF
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    28 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    I'm stuck. It's all I can think & say. I see myself with him & j see myself stuck in one spot with her towering over us. I don't feel strong. When I think of myself without him I feel I can breathe again. I feel strong, moving forward. I picture them together & me on my own, suffocating.

    I feel I need to be free of them. Of her hold on him. I can't do it anymore. Everytime I feel stuck he comes into my mind with her over us. I don't wanna feel this way. He does nothing for my anxiety. I don't feel better with. I need space room to breathe. He'll be sad but he has her. It won't matter. I just feel I need to tell him & a weight will be lifted. I felt the same with ex. The minute I decided 'no more I felt free. I became so strong, achieved goals. I don't feel like that now. Not anymore. I'm sad. So sad.

  19. randomx
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    28 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Haa cm , that's funny. But l'm sorry your feeling all this stuff , God knows l know the feeling just a different story that's all.

    Yaknow , admittedly first thing l did think about the beach house was well why not pass on the beach house a bloody buy sis out instead. But eh , maybe she's right and sis nails someone , she seems to be able to get what she wants. It'd be a great solution we need her all married off and out into her own life haha. PS , l know l don't go into too much detail there are things, but l just well for one feel like l shouldn't say too much bc mines a mess anyway so who am l to know , but also that you've been so down about things so l'd rather just skim and not dwell too much.

    But it's no wonder your feeling these ways, these things are heaven when they're good but that damn stressful in complications l know. l dunno with mine l hate making myself like this but l've tried to purposely use our being apart to stay as detached as possible this last 12mths bc or her could go either way situation. See how you feel over the next few wks. lt's very understandable though bc without some serious nudging and efforts from him and some big changes to the whole situation , you can't be expected to just over come it all bc it's his whole situation it's not yours.

    Big huggems

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  20. CMF
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    28 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    My daughter has Oracle cards. I had to do, they were calling me. I asked how I get out of this situation of being stuck. The card I got said I need to pull away from people or situations that that do not empower or support me.

    Do I need anymore signs?

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  21. CMF
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    28 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Yeah rx,

    You're the other man lol.

    Also in the reading she said this is all I can think about. It's on my mind all day, every day. She's right again. She saw I'm ready to walk away. I have a time limit.

    God I'm struggling.

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  22. CMF
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    28 January 2022 in reply to CMF
    He just called. His boys are out, he's home with sis. Told him he could have come here to watch tennis. He said he could have but going to bed early, very tired. He did sound tired. Good opportunity to have a chat to sis, just the 2 of them. Told him had a crap day at work. Told him I have anxiety, can't breathe. Told him the reading said all I think about is us & this situation. All he could say is year's terrible & that I need a new job. I wanted to tell him it's not just the job I need to leave 😓
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  23. randomx
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    28 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Ahh cm cm , hate you feeling like this , and you know too much negativity creeping in it just messes us up more , but it's bloody hard , l know.

    l did my cards last night , first time in awhile . l think they're talking through you know where bc they keep telling me the same thing. Which is very nice actually , but l ain't seeing much of it so l wish it would hurry up and show up.They're basically saying good luck and happiness and love - the whole gift , but there's not much of that right now so ldk , maybe they've been skipping a beat.Still they can be talking 6mths ahead, and it's persistent too soooo, l'ma just waiting quietly haha.

    But there's a lot of things telling you and most importantly your feeling it within and that's usually right , maybe if you could just take a bit of a break from things, just a wk or so. lt might actually turn on some light bulbs for m too. l dunno , l hate that stuff but that's what l've been trying to do with my situation right now. l just need to clear first of all and find that light.

    Big hugs

  24. CMF
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    28 January 2022 in reply to randomx

    Well he agreed he could have come over tonight to watch tennis but told me he wanted an early night as very tired. Said he'd see me tomorrow. I went to bed around 10pm as i was feeling crap & didnt message him goodnight as I thought he'd already be on bed. I told myself if he messaged me late yo say goodnight I'd tell him not to bother coming over tomorrow. He messaged me at 11.20pm to say goodnight.

    Guess a night at home with sissy was more appealing than seeing me, especially knowing I had a crap day & how I've been feeling & the discussions we've had.

    Great for my anxiety .

  25. CMF
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    28 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Do I give him the benefit of the doubt? It's the 3 year anniversary of his Dad passing. Maybe he had guests, maybe he was talking to sis about our situation? All I know is he called me around 7.30pm ,& said he could have come over but was having an early night. He sounded exhausted but it wasn't convincing. Maybe he fell asleep on the couch? Maybe he wanted to talk to sis about it all...but till 11.30pm? 4 hours? I can't sleep now, I feel sick. He says ignorance is bliss but when I ignore it all it is still there.

    Maybe I'll wait & see what he has to say.

  26. randomx
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    28 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Well he sounded exhausted so l'd just let it go.

    He might say something tomorrow .

    Nightie night.

    rx

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  27. CMF
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    29 January 2022 in reply to randomx

    I told myself this year I wouldn't lie back & be walked all over. I want to speak up more for things I believe. It has been suggested here, and elsewhere, that as I am the one with the issue with sis, I should be the one to raise it with her. I've written a 'letter' to his sis gently explaining how I'm feeling. I want to ask M tonight if he'd thought of any solutions. Ask if he'd be comfortable speaking to her about it. I think his answer will be 'not so I'd like to show him what I wrote, making it clear to her that I promised M & myself I'd always be open & honest, not like past relationships where I couldn't. I think he'll stress if he knows I want to raise this with her myself. I think he knows ows she'll overreact & become defensive. It was also suggested to me on another thread that if I can agree to take responsibility for my emotions, he can agree to take responsibility for us having some space when I'm there..

    Wish me luck x

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  28. quirkywords
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    29 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    CMF

    I can wash you luck but I do think You Ned it.

    I have noticed how you have changed over the years and how you are prepared to be assertive. You have a plan are prepared to deal with any consequences.

    Well done.

    2 people found this helpful
  29. quirkywords
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    29 January 2022 in reply to CMF
    Oops I wish you luck. not sure washing luck would help.
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  30. randomx
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    30 January 2022 in reply to CMF

    Wish you luck , it surprises me that people suggested that though but anyway , good luck with whatever you decided.

    ironically l was watching this movie last night , French , where a brother 60s was still living with his sister and for an hr or so in l thought she was his wife. Turns out though there was another one in the house that was actually his wife and they'd been living all together 40yrs , kids and all too , plus someones brother.

    Funny movie but yeah , there ya go . Some people are just quite comfortable in whatever set up l suppose. Couldn't think of anything worse myself.

    rx

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