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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

Topic: Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

  1. CMF
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    21 May 2022 in reply to randomx

    Yes, he does have a great knack for that. Oh well, I hold my ground. He did ask if someone could look after little miss. He suggested older d, sis jumped in & said 'her father'. That's when I mentioned son's 21st bday. Anyway, it's a long way away. I have no problem him going but hate that it was already his mind that HE is going then decided to ask me if I wanted to, then he & wifey discussed about us going. I said nothing cos I'm not gonna discuss US or what WE do in front of her. I'm sure M doesn't get involved if her & men are discussing plans.

    The 3 of us then sat &watched the footy.

    Fun.

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  2. CMF
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    21 May 2022 in reply to CMF

    In fact, if I wasn't there when sis mentioned the wedding, m wouldn't have told me he might be away that weekend & I'd still not know about it lol.

    I don't understand her & new man. Are they a couple or not? He seems to do alot of his own thing ie fishing, hunting just like her 1st ex. They're same star sign him & the ex. She's 42, wants kids...

    At least he's not in your face like the 2nd ex.

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  3. CMF
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    21 May 2022 in reply to CMF
    Did I mention after dinner she went upstairs to her room but was listening to us talking and kept yelling out her thoughts? We were watching a story on TV about pensioners working part time. I told M I'll be working he said I can work, he'll be a house husband. Told him sounds good & I'd expect dinner prepared and THE HOUSE TIDY & IN ORDER. I made sure she heard that. M said 'no clutter' I said 'yep'.
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  4. CMF
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    21 May 2022 in reply to CMF
    I don't wanna sound mean but if I have my son's 21st that weekend at least wifey won't be there as she had the wedding.
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  5. CMF
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    22 May 2022 in reply to CMF
    M stayed over last night. We watched the footy, his team won. I saw him texting & pretty sure it was to wifey about the footy. He wouldn't text her out of the blue when with me so pretty confident she msgd him first. I'm guessing she was home alone so of course had to make sure she got some attention. When she moved in there she made a point she HAD to follow his footy team with him. Of course, gotta make sure she's a part of his life in every way. I don't follow footy & won't be following his team. I'm 53, my own person. I don't need to follow everything he does to feel secure. Friday night as the 3 of us watched footy he mentioned he'd sleep in Saturday & cycle later. I just nodded but she made a point (as she does) of repeating it back to him, using his name & being so interested/involved like a good wife.
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  6. CMF
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    22 May 2022 in reply to CMF

    I've realised it affects me psychologically, her living with him & playing mum to his adult boys. Day to day he has another woman to share his house with, have dinner with, watch TV with at night, kiss goodmorning/goodnight etc. She is so involved in what her does, never gives us space & listens to our conversations, sometimes interjecting.

    She's too much.

  7. quirkywords
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    23 May 2022 in reply to CMF

    CMF

    i had the opposite problem with my brother and his wife. I only see them once or twice a year,as they live over 7 hrs away, but I rarely get a chance to talk to him alone.

    I know this is opposite of your situation but maybe there is a Middle ground between no contact or very close contact that intrudes on your relationship.

    I see it is becoming more frustrating. My partner said his loyalty and time lies with his wife which is as it should be.

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  8. CMF
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    24 May 2022 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky,

    I do wonder, if push came to shove, who would he support? Me or her? We know he can't stand up to her but I'm the one he wants to grow old with. I had a dream that the 3 of us were in bed. M in the middle, sis & I either side. I was trying to push her out, telling her to go away & leave us alone. She was fighting to stay in the bed. M was in the middle doing nothing. When we have dinner at his he is in the middle of us. He looks at her more when he talks cos of the angle. I did say once I would change seats & be in the middle of them. It would put a barrier between them & he might look at me more...or look past me. Whenwe sat on the couch to watch footy last Friday he sat with me, her at other end of the couch but he was still in the middle of us. No wonder I had the dream lol. I may ask my card reader if she interprets dreams, although I think this one is pretty clear. I want her to give us space, she wants to hang on.

  9. randomx
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    24 May 2022

    That's not a dream , that's a nightmare. But it's just your fears understandably

    And yeah it's all effected you psychologically, you've been coping with it all so long it'd be hard not to but it's like darts being shot into your very security with m and about you two, so it's not a wonder.

    Funny, still think she really like ya in her own annoying way.

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  10. CMF
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    24 May 2022 in reply to randomx
    Haha, yes she does like me. Like a sister, no doubt at all but I'm not his sister I'm his partner & I want space. Funny you mention darts. My first card reading showed knives all around M ,& I. The lady asked if I knew his ex or someone who would wish bad on us. It did cross my mind it may be sis, not in a harmful way, just jealous a little. My friend interpreted my dream. She said it's good as dreams of living people mean the opposite so it could mean she's thinking/planning to moving out. She said if she mentions it again to stroke her ego & tell her she deserves her own space after doing sooooo much for her brother etc.
  11. randomx
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    25 May 2022

    Haaa , the good old reverse pharmacology trick eh.

    Well it's worth a shot.

  12. randomx
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    25 May 2022

    Ummm, psychology

  13. randomx
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    25 May 2022

    But tbh , l don't put much in the actual meaning of dreams unless they're of the premonition type , but they're usually very different to ordinary dreams.

    But it would've come from the anxiety she's been giving you all these yrs for sure. Funny thing though in not only her liking you, but you know l reckon she'd be really upset/hurt, if she knew how much she gets on your nerves, l don't think she can quite connect the dots.

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  14. CMF
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    25 May 2022 in reply to randomx
    Yeah you're right. Remember I wrote a long message & wanted to send it but M got all uncomfortable about it? He said himself he knows how she'll react (overact) and she'll go to her room everytime I go there. Her ego will also take a hit she'll walk around saying it's her house & I can't tell her what to so. I've seen this with something else. You're right, she can't connect the dots. Too sociable, too much self importance, to much wanting to control M & know our business. He admitted he relies on her for things. She knows it & takes full advantage.
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  15. CMF
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    26 May 2022 in reply to CMF

    Didn't talk to M last night as he had a work dinner & I had something on with my daughter. We spoke tonight but i didn't think about it much. Friday night he has a work function so no dinner at his. I'm sort of glad as I don't have to deal with wifey. Should I be worried that I'm glad not to go? I do look forward to it usually but I'm just over her being there. I didn't mentioned Saturday night, neither did he. I usually ask Thursdays and he says yes. Don't know if he expected me to ask or if he's assumed I know he's coming. Oh well, whatever. Seems stupid to not know after 3.5 years together but that's what happens when he has wifey & I don't feel he's 100% with me. I'm just the weekend girl.

  16. randomx
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    27 May 2022

    Yeah he probably just assumes after all these years.

    But nah , l could well understand not looking to deal with wifey , honestly you've been more than patient for a damn long time.

    rx

  17. CMF
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    27 May 2022 in reply to randomx

    Here, I did ask tonight he said yes in a way that sounded like why would I ask lol.

    Forgot to mention last Sunday he suggested we take little miss to the city. Caught the train, saw some sights, had lunch. He paid for it. Walked around. The teacher in him came out. Showing her things etc.

    Pretty amazing.

  18. CMF
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    29 May 2022 in reply to CMF

    Nice weekend with M but something bugging me. Not sure why. Few weeks back he saw a top he liked but didn't buy & he regrets it. Today he was wearing one & I asked if he went back & bought it. Before I finished asking I new the answer. Wifey bought it for him. 2 in fact. She criticised his son's gf few weeks back & he said nothing. Today I asked what he thought of the gf &he said she's nice & can't understand why she's with his son. I reminded him what wifey said & asked why he didn't defend the gf the way he defended the other girl whim I don't like (none if us do). He had no comment. Spoke about Wifey & new man. M said she'll be fine with him going away hunting etc as she has lots of friends to go out with etc & really only needs a man for companionship. I asked then why she can't go live in her own house? Oh of course, she needs companionship. The new man has only slept there twice. He pointed out she always goes for men who are a little uneducated, bad grammar. She's never gone for an educated business man. I td him she's controlling & it probably makes her feel more dominant. He reckons they'll move in together by end of year/early next year.

    Gee I hope so.

  19. CMF
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    29 May 2022 in reply to CMF
    He said she'll be fine if he's away cos she likes her space. Hahaha, if that's the case why is she always in our face, hanging around, listening? She controls M & doesn't give us space.
  20. randomx
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    29 May 2022

    Wow that's pretty big news they must be ticking over quite well after all anyway so how's that.

    Some light at the end of the tunnel and not to far away at all really either after all this time.

  21. CMF
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    29 May 2022 in reply to randomx

    Yeah, but he said that about the last one too. That they'd move in together end of last year/early this year...till he cheated on her. M seems to think that zlot lol. I'm really curious to see if she still tries to co trol them seeing as half the house is hers now. His kids are adults now. They don't need her. Interesting how M said she'll be fine when new man's away hunting as she has lots of friends. I pointed out that's no different to her living in her house now. She can spend time at new man's time on her own & time out with friends. She did it before she lived with M. What's the difference now.

    Don't know why imso cranky & negative today. I think the fact she bought him the tops has contributed. He may have given her the money but just the fact she has to but him stuff. Air pods, jeans, tops. She's in my space. All 6ft 3 of her.

  22. randomx
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    29 May 2022

    Yeah exactly right, it's all your space now, no wonder.

    That's odd saying the same thing again.

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  23. CMF
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    29 May 2022 in reply to randomx

    She was talking about living with the ex before he cheated. Its very confusing. She says she can't sleep if someone's not home but M says she likes her space. Maybe she just days it thinking it's cute. 6ft 3 is not cute.The thing with new man is that he needs a house with lots of room ie garage as he has boats & big cars. Her house is not big enough. She's said this herself but couple of weeks ago she mentioned twice about 'when she moves back...' to her house ie new furniture , fireplace. This was a week after her card reading with my lady. Then there's my dream...maybe she's thinking about moving back but hasn't told M? Who knows. Maybe new man thinks she should have her own space. After all, he lives alone. Also, her place is rented and maybe until October. I do wonder...if she goes to live with him & say it doesn't work or it's too far would she expect to shack up with her brother again,? We know he can't say no to her.

    Too much to think about.

  24. randomx
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    29 May 2022

    Sounds like she's thinking about her place not in with him.

    Could get lucky October . Doubt she'll ever live with m again though once she's gone that'll just be a faze in life that's passed. She wouldn't go back to it especially with you and him being more a couple once she is out.

  25. CMF
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    30 May 2022 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx

    You have a point but I wouldn't put it past her to go back there, esp if her place was rented.

    Now I shouldn't be thinking negative like that. Hopefully she'll go live with new man & stay there. If they live out his way even better

  26. CMF
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    6 June 2022 in reply to CMF

    Nice weekend. M had work commitment Friday so little miss & I had a movie night. I got washing done, it was nice. M stayed here Saturday. Wifey's new man was at theirs but went home. No idea why, maybe had work Sunday. He doesn't really sleep there. Sunday was lunch & movie. Something I ate didn't agree so I've been in pain & feeling crap. I was cranky yesterday. Work colleague getting to me, feeling negative, little anxious. I've really been craving some 'me' time. Saturdays i have little miss & Sundays M. I never have any time just for me & I'm really feeling it.

  27. quirkywords
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    6 June 2022 in reply to CMF

    I am sorry you are unwell .

    can you make some time for yourself, does not have to be a lot of time but choose something you enjoy. .

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  28. CMF
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    6 June 2022 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky,

    So hard to have ME time.

    I have a dilemma. Next Sunday is my bday & M is taking me out for lunch. I was contemplating family dinner Saturday night but haven't said anything. M's son saw Top Gun over the weekend & loved it so much he wants to organise all of us to go this Saturday to see it. Him, his gf, his brother, wifey, new man,M & I. It's an 8.40pm session. I know I'll fall asleep. I also need someone to look after little miss. We saw a movie yesterday & I was surprised we didn't see Top Gun as I think the plan was always to go with wifey. Anyway, I'm not keen on Saturday night but told M he should go. He wants me to be able to go.The dilemma is does he go or not? He usually stays at mine Saturday night & it is my bday. I really don't want to go as I'll fall asleep as I do on the couch. I really wanted to have dinner with M & my kids. Guess none of them are interested in popping in for my bday like I go to theirs.

    Anyway, I'm not interested. It's my bday. I'll tell M to go & I'll have dinner with my kids.

    Problem solved.

  29. CMF
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    6 June 2022 in reply to CMF

    Pretty sure the plan was always for them to see it together so they've organised what suits them. I wanted to take M out for dinner for his bday but he wanted the family dinner with his boys (& wifey). When I said I'd fall asleep he asked if I'd fall asleep every Saturday night.i can't help if the dark cinema makes me feel tired. Anyway, I've obviously thrown a spanner in the works.

  30. CMF
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    7 June 2022 in reply to CMF
    Maybe we're just not compatible. We're not interested in the same things, not excited by the same things, different life stages, different taste in things, he's a people pleaser, I'm not, he has a need to be liked by everyone, I don't. I like being alone, he likes people around. He wants to travel, I don't. He loves his sis controlling him & his kids, I don't.

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