You are so proud of your sons. They sound like wonderful, caring men.
You are their mother, they would not have the qualities they have, if not for you. You taught them well. Parenting is the hardest job in the world. Every family has struggles and issues throughout the years. Whatever ups and downs you had, you handled them as best as you could at the time. You not only survived but you were a major influence in your sons becoming the men that they are!
Doing all that walking around brizzy and ENJOYING it, is wonderful - earth shattering even, well it would be for me! Sorry to hear your in pain. (I relate to that with back/neck pain). Good though that you don't have 'energy' for anxiety etc. That's a bonus. I don't know which I'd prefer tho, tough choice. Better than both at once, anyway.
No need to worry about which section this is in, it just comes up in new posts or my threads or whatever is it. I'm sure that most people are the same as me and don't look at that. I rarely notice section, I only look at the title of thread.
All our lives are different. Absolutely no reason to think that yours is less interesting or challenging than anyone elses. In fact you wouldn't have so many friends here if it wasn't worthwhile for all of us to reply&support each other. I often have similar feelings. I feel guilty about a lot, others are worse off, wasting peoples time etc. These are typical depression thoughts.
I hope you &your sons are not near Debbie. It is indescribable watching TV as it's happening. The aftermath will take months.
I was thinking about forgiveness. Is acceptance something to do with it? Perhaps some form of grieving is needed to get to that state. I don't know your full story, but with your sons you are thankful.
I hope I can say the same in a few yrs, my son is 16 and just starting to 'assert himself'. I worry about the type of man he will become. At the moment he his so much like his dad it is scary. I never know the best way to handle tricky situations. I know I do the wrong things sometimes, so he gets his own way but you know how they can grind you down. I don't have the energy and he knows it, (just like his dad). If he turns out "ok" I think I'll be able to forgive myself for not being able to give him the childhood and upbringing I would have chosen. I often feel guilty and sad about what he has missed out on. I wish I was my old self so I could make changes now, but not possible. I do what I can.