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Forums / Long term support over the journey / I don't know what to do - a mess of a situation

Topic: I don't know what to do - a mess of a situation

  1. Aaronsis
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    14 January 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hey Aaron

    Congratualtions, OMG, that is so awesome that you did the marathon and in better time than you thought with little preparation, that is so good, well done!

    I am so happy to hear that even though it made you feel a little uncomfortable you went to the party, that is so brave and so great that you are pushing yourself to do things that scare you a little and you found out, that they are fine. I am so proud of you, that is awesome.

    The vegan diet is going so well, I really can't believe I feel so good and have so much energy and am actually still sticking to it tbh. It has been ok as I have been pretty prepared and have shopped well so that I don't have any traps in the house. The kids are still eating meat and eggs so I still have to cook that for them, which is fine as I don't want to force this on them. But it is going really well.

    I am glad that you feel that you can be supportive to your ex and it not impact your MH too much, that is really nice that you want to support her. I feel like you are in a much stronger place and are managing this ok, that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel???

    It is so smoky here today in Melbourne and I can hardly see out the window, the fire alarms are in active mode in the building and just ready to go off, so who knows what today will bring...it is so horrific and I just really can't believe it. Also here talking to others and the pain and suffering and what they have lost, just absolutely heart wrenching.....

    Music really is the happiest place to be, what does Frankie Valli say about you, that you have character and soul...I think whatever speaks to you and makes you feel good, or even sometimes sad is ok too.

    Have a great day and please dont feel bad for not chatting every day, I am always here and you chat as you need to xx

    Hugs

    Sarah xx

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  2. rhinoceros
    rhinoceros avatar
    148 posts
    15 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    Thank you! It was pretty tough but I'm glad I did it. The sense of achievement at the end is the best, knowing I ran 21 kms! I don't even drive that far to work... it's crazy when you think about it. Next time I do something like that I'm going to try and be better prepared but it's promising to know what I am capable of if I put my mind to it :-).

    Glad I went to the birthday party too. I was so close to chickening out and not going. I've never been a particularly outgoing person so that sort of thing never has come naturally. I'm glad I went though, it was far less scary than I imagined it would be.

    Glad the vegan diet is going well! Your body must be really happy with it. I am terrible at shopping responsibly... I end up buying lots of junk food when left to my own devices. You must be super self disciplined! I'm a sucker for Oreo biscuits... they're a weakness of mine!

    I can definitely see a light at the end of the tunnel - I feel like I'm in a better place to assert myself when required and generally cope better with things. For example if my ex was to be nasty to me again, there's no way I'd put up with it. I feel like I have much more mental strength if that makes more sense? The MH is pretty good for the most part. I had a gig last night and I was really tired, so I didn't feel like I played very well. I'm a bit drained, we have a new boss at work. She's a bit of a micromanager from what I can tell and it's changed the vibe in the office in a bad way unfortunately.

    Some of that smoke has made its way down to Hobart. Pretty smoky out there today. It's so horrible what's happened. I don't think I've ever heard of fires like this before, it's seems apocalyptic in magnitude. It's so scary.

    Hope you have a good day and hopefully it's a bit less smoky

    Aaron

    xx

  3. Aaronsis
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    15 January 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hi Aaron

    The marathon has given you a real confidence boost and yes you are so right, imagine what you can do it you train and really give it all you have, that is a great goal to work for. I can hear how proud you are of your efforts and that is awesome. It really is true, the mind is a funny old thing and it is amazing what you can achieve when you are determined. Good on you!

    I am so happy you didn’t chicken out of the party, it is daunting and scary doing those things when you are not comfortable and it is not what you usually do, however you did it and pushed yourself and found out is wasn’t at all as scary as you thought, that is so great. You just never know who is going to be there and who you might meet and really increase your social circle.

    The vegan thing is going so well and yes, I love oreos too..vegan..yay! I have actually just started following a page on Instagram that is called accidentally vegan and it has all sorts of things that are vegan that you wouldn’t think were…interesting! I am not great at shopping either and always get trapped at gimic corner..lol..which is my word for all the things that the put at the ends of the aisles to trap people like me…

    You sound so much happier and stronger and positive and I am so happy for you, and proud of you as this has not been an easy journey. But you have come so far and it really is like you have whole new eyes and can see the world differently, with you being a priority and that is awesome. I am sooo pleased to hear that you feel like your MH is in a good place too, albeit the new boss, she might be having first day itis I call it, you know when someone comes in all guns blazing and want to show how much they can make a difference, a little overwhelming to start with but hopefully she will calm down as time goes on.

    So my son got his first job yesterday at Hungry Jack’s, I am so proud of him. He is a little nervous to start but I am sure he will be fine. He looks all grown up in his uniform…lol.

    The smoke is worse today, although I think that they are predicting rain so I am hoping that it comes and hits the right areas and calms all this down.

    I am so happy to hear that overall you are feeling like you are in a better space, that is so awesome Aaron.

    Huge hugs as always

    Sarah xxxx

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  4. rhinoceros
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    148 posts
    20 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    Hope you had a nice weekend! I think I have a bit of Monday-itis today. It was so busy this weekend.

    I saw my ex on Friday night, she wanted me to pop round. She was in a terrible mood, barely spoke to me. It made me really annoyed, I felt like I was wasting my time being there. We all have our ups and downs but it's not fair to take it out on other people! I asserted myself (I think) well and said that I'm not putting up with that behaviour. She later apologised, so that's good I guess. Still would've preferred not to deal with that.

    On Saturday I had a classic car rally I participated in. The old Merc did really well - it had a slight misfire towards the end of the race but it hasn't done it since, so no idea what's going on there! Old cars... there's always something.

    Later on Saturday I had a gig, usually I back other people, but for this gig I was the headline act. Scary! But it was really fun and went better than I had ever imagined. People stayed right to the very end. It was really validating to know that people actually like listening to me play.

    You must be so proud of your son! That's fantastic. Good on him, he'll learn so many valuable skills. Future employers will look at him really favourably with all that experience he'll get!

    I'm at my desk munching on Oreos... who would've guessed they're vegan?! They are very more-ish. I can easily devour an entire packet with next to no effort.

    Did you have a nice weekend? Is it still really smoky there?

    Aaron

    xx

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  5. Aaronsis
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    22 January 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hey Aaron

    Great to chat to you again and yes Monday's are just the pits..lol..although today tends to be dragging a bit too, never mind, we will get through it.

    That was pretty lousy of your ex to treat you like that when she asked you to come over, I am not sure why she would do that??? Well done though for saying that and I am glad that she saw her actions were not great and then apologized, that is so very strange that she would do that, ask you over then be rude....but as you said, in time you will perhaps just leave when that happens or even get to the point where you feel you may not actually want to drop in at all.

    That is so awesome about the classic car rally, I am sure though that with vintage cars there is always going to be something as you said...it sounds like you had a really great time though and that is wonderful that you are getting out there and living life.

    OMG..the headline act, that is awesome, should I be getting autographs now??? That is such a confidence boost for you and so awesome that you get the opportunity to showcase how good you are. That is awesome. Next time you are in Melb I will have to check it out!

    My son did his first shift yesterday and is back to work today, he said it went well and he seemed really happy. He learnt how to make a cheeseburger and to wrap the burgers..lol..however he did do one upside down and with the wrapper in the wrong way that came back to the manager. He just laughed but said that in all his time no one has done that....lol.

    YUM..yes Oreos are accidentally vegan which is awesome..I had them all over the top of my cake last week!! I ordered a choc caramel vegan cake and it was sooo good.

    This weekend I am volunteering at the Aust Open for BB which will be awesome and I am really looking forward to that, do you have any plans for the long weekend?

    Great to chat some more to you Aaron and you are sounding so much happier and stronger. I am so pleased for you I really am.

    Hugs as always

    Sarah xxx

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  6. rhinoceros
    rhinoceros avatar
    148 posts
    22 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    So nice to hear from you - it's nice of you to say that I sound happier and stronger. I think I am for the most part. I have you to thank though for a huge part of that. Your endless patience and generosity in talking with me has helped me so much. I feel like I'm more assertive now and have a lot more clarity in my thoughts.

    If my ex 'carries on' like that again I'm leaving. Honestly I don't know why she did that. She has always had a bad habit of taking out her stress/frustration with other issues on those around her. I suspect that's what was going on. I don't intend to deal with a repeat of it, I'll exit the situation if that happens. It's a really nasty way to treat someone... I've seen her treat her Dad like that too. It's so mean :-(.

    The rally was super fun. It was great driving along being surrounded by other old cars. It made me feel like I've travelled back in time or something :-). Hoping the slight hiccup on my car doesn't resurface, I'm sure it's nothing major but these things seem to have a habit of costing money!

    Being the headline act was so scary! I haven't done anything like that for a loooong time. I was really worried that people would become bored with my playing. The audience stayed right to the end so it can't have been too bad! It would be wonderful to do a gig in Melbourne like that. I'm going to try and get a few more down here in Hobart to get better practice in talking to the audience etc. I find that side of it the scariest.

    So glad your son's first shift went well! We all make mistakes when learning a new job , but being able to laugh about it is such a good thing! Sounds like he has a good sense of humour.

    How exciting! what a way to spend a weekend! Will you get to see many games while you're there? I'm gigging Saturday night but other than that have a free weekend! I'm currently building my first home so finances are tight - any plans I end up making will have to be cheap!

    Hope you've had a good day so far , it's really hot and humid here in Hobart... thunderstorms predicted for tonight

    Aaron

    xx

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  7. Aaronsis
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    23 January 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hey Aaron

    What a lovely message and I am so happy to have been here to help you and support you through this time in your life, however, you have done the work my friend, you have had the hard conversations and you have made a path to strength and wellness for you, I am so very proud of you and you certainly do sound so much happier and stronger and you can see the behaviors clearly and can make a call on how that makes you feel and that is so very empowering. That is pretty rough that she is so mean to her dad, I think she probably has some issues that she needs to deal with, but that is her journey now and she can either continue on like this or she can address it and live with the repercussions.

    My son has now worked two shifts with today being the third, he has gone really well and he is saying things like "oh I get why you look forward to Friday"...I almost fell off the chair....he has worked two 4 hour shifts...lol..ahh well at least he is enjoying it and learning new things and making some new friends so that is all good in itself.

    Oh I forgot about your house, how exciting, how is it coming along and do you have a date when you expect it to be finished by? Wow, how wonderful that you are doing that. Buying new furniture and all those nice things to put in your home..how cool.

    I got a really nice message today on messenger from a girl I don't even know who went to uni with my brother, she told me all about how is death impacted her and how he has changed her life for the better and how wonderful he was but also that she realized she was not living her true life and was being something that uni wanted her to be and not her. She is making some changes to her life now and she wanted to share with me how much Aaron changed her life in a good way. It has really made my day to hear that even 6 months on he is still thought about by others and has made a positive impact on some people, that really made my heart feel good. Just wanted to share that with you.

    It is cool and really windy here in Melbourne today so I am looking forward already to going home, hot shower, some vegan delights..lol..and watching some tennis....nice!

    Hope you are having a great week Aaron.

    Your friend

    Sarah xxxx

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  8. rhinoceros
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    148 posts
    31 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    Your so right - they are her issues that she has to deal with. It's not really a concern of mine. We are all different I realise, but there is no way I could treat anyone like that ever! Thank you for helping me gain the strength to have those hard conversations. I feel like I'm in a much better place now than before. It's good to see things as they actually are.

    At the moment my Mum's 91 year old dad is staying with us - he was living in QLD but he's come down to Hobart, he wants to find a retirement village to live in down here. He's amazingly fit for his age. He's very grumpy though! It's been a bit of a challenge dealing with that - I don't really get time to myself at the moment.

    Hahaha! Sounds like your son is learning about the rigours of the working life! I remember when I started my first full time job, it was such a huge shock to the system. I found it horrible at first.... it took quite a while to get used to.

    No idea when the house will be finished - I am guessing maybe March or April? It's not far away.
    Lots of things to buy, no idea where I'm going to get the money for all that stuff haha! It's so exciting though. Just having my own space will be nice. Never really had that before!

    That message you got sounds so lovely. It's beautiful when people send you something like that, completely unprompted... your brother would have affected so many people. It's so nice that he made such an impression on someone.

    Today it is getting close to 40 degrees in Hobart... I've got to drive the Merc back from my mechanic friend's place this afternoon... old car/no aircon/40 degree day... this won't be fun!! Will have all the windows down and my head out the window like a dog... probably with my tongue hanging out too :P

    Hope you've had a nice week ... so glad it's the weekend coming up!

    Aaron

    xxxx


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  9. Aaronsis
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    5 February 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hey Aaron

    I am so very very sorry for the tardy reply, I have been hammering away here and mean every day to send you a note and the time gets me by..so here I am....I am so sorry.

    I hope the week is going well for you so far, is your granddad still staying with you and how has the house hunting been going for him? I hope it has made him less grumpy...lol...I guess though at 91 he has had a great life and seen and experienced alot so if he wants to be grumpy from time to time, who are we to say he cant...lol

    My son is really enjoying his job, he has made some friends and they actually have a good time, learning new stuff and hanging out and then feeling the pressure of the rush when heaps of people come in to get burgers and he is all in a flap..lol..he comes home smelling like a deep fryer but that is all to be expected. He is loving getting his pay and is saving up for the Playstation 5 that is apparently coming out soon..lol

    Not too far away until that house of yours is ready, how very exciting and you really wont know yourself having your own space and doing exactly what you like, having your music up and just enjoying your own privacy and your own place to do what you like when you like, how refreshing..oh and no grumpy granddads...lol

    Hope the Merc is going well and is all better after she has come home from the mechanics? I am sure that you have been out and enjoying a weekend drive, so very cool. The weather here is better this week, not so temperamental...it has been so very weird, hot then raining then windy and dust storms, mother nature is not happy!!

    I am off to Canberra tomorrow to see Ru Pauls drag race show with some of my friends so that will be awesome, looking forward to an extended weekend. Have you got any plans for this weekend?

    Hope everything this going well with you and that you are feeling happy and that you are feeling stronger.

    I had the most horrific night with my son, he popped in to collect the X box and he was going on about things and how he is struggling with his dad, he ended the conversation with a sentence that I can not write here, but it was essentially how my brother died, he said it as a throw away comment but I was soo triggered and lost it completely and was hysterical....I had to talk to him about what he said and why he said it and I understood he was trying to create impact and it was a throw away comment but HE CANNOT SAY THAT TO ME...wow..what a night.

    Huge hugs to you Aaron xx

    Chat soon

    Sarah xxx

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  10. rhinoceros
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    148 posts
    11 February 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah :-)

    No need to apologise!! You're a busy person! Now I'm the one with the tardy reply :-) Things have been a bit hectic at work lately.

    Grandad still living with us at the moment. He get's very angry/irritable at times which can be hard. It's mainly directed at my mum. He has always been a difficult person but the older he gets the more stubborn and unreasonable he becomes! He means well though, it's just hard him staying in the same house. I'm sure I'll be a grump old fella one day too!

    Glad your son's job is going well! That's great. It's great he can start saving up for things. He'll start to learn the value of money too once he's earning it himself. You must be so proud! I remember back when the Playstation 2 was the big thing... a long time ago haha!

    The house is going well, hopefully it will be done soon. Definitely craving my own space. Right now at home I'm more or less confined to one room if I want some time to myself..

    Car is all sorted - distributor was a bit mucky. All good now. Went for a nice drive on the weekend. My ex has been down in the dumps in a big way. She's not coping with work pressures. I took her on that drive with me to get her out of the house. I think she has fairly severe depression. I found that rather draining but she was feeling heaps better after an outing. I know at some point I'm going to need to step away. How/when is the hard part.

    OMG I am so sorry to hear about that nasty run-in with your son. That sounds awful. I'm sure he meant no malice but it's such an insensitive thing to say! I'm sure most people would have flipped in a situation like that, I know that I would've for sure. You must have been exhausted after that.

    Sending you lots of hugs Sarah

    Aaron

    xx

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  11. Aaronsis
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    17 February 2020 in reply to rhinoceros
    Hey Aaron
    You probably have noticed by my obvious absence that I have been going through some mess…I have had another suicide in my life and just managing that as it has dragged up a few emotions for me. In saying that I am probably going to take a week or two off the forum just to regroup and focus on me for a bit. Just wanted to let you know Mark and I will be back before you know it. I am doing ok but just wanted to let you know that I am just taking a rest.
    Be back soon enough so take care and chat soon
    Your friend
    Sarah
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  12. rhinoceros
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    148 posts
    17 February 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    I am so sorry to hear that, I hope you are okay. Taking some time to look after yourself sounds like a fine idea. You've been such a wonderful friend, I've really appreciated and enjoyed talking with you. To lose another person in that way, I can't begin to comprehend how you must be feeling.

    I'm here if you need me.

    Look after youself Sarah, sending lots of hugs your way.

    Aaron

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  13. Aaronsis
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    2 March 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hi Aaron

    I wanted to say thank you for your kind words and your support. I am not sure if you still come to visit the page or not but I hope you are well and that you are doing great and that things are fantastic in your life.

    I am doing OK and have taken some time for me, the rest is nice but now it is time to get up and reignite the flame inside and get back to being me.

    Hope to chat some more and hope you are well xx

    Your friend

    Sarah xxx

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  14. rhinoceros
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    148 posts
    5 March 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    It is so nice to hear from you. I was thinking of you wondering how you are going. I'm glad you're reigniting your flame and getting back to being you :-). You've gone through a lot lately, I can only imagine how hard it would be to cope with.

    Things are going well - have been extra busy with gigs, last two weeks I have been doing six gigs a week! It's probably a bit much to do forever but the extra bit of income is really handy. It's all going towards the new house.

    New house is nearly done now! Carpets have to go in, but the light at the end of the tunnel is getting closer and closer now. It's scary but exciting. There's quite a bit of furniture etc. I need to get but that will happen gradually I guess :-)

    I'm working on further weaning off my AD medication too, that's exciting. It's a bit unpleasant for the first couple weeks of a new dose but after that I start to feel better. Looking forward to finally not having to take it any more, that will still probably be at least six months away but these things take time.

    Again it's so nice to hear from you Sarah , I hope you're okay and looking after yourself so you can heal after that trauma.

    big hugs!,

    Aaron xx

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  15. Aaronsis
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    10 March 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hey Aaron

    It is so great to hear from you too and it is great to be back, the small break has really given me a chance to build up some strength and to focus on me which is a really nice thing. Thank you so very much for your lovely words to me, it made me feel so wonderful, so thank you.

    You sure sound like you have been busy with gigs and with your music which as you said, the extra money is awesome but I am sure you are pretty tired with also having to go to your 9 - 5 the next day....but good on you and I am sure it is good for your mental health too as music is a real healer for us both.

    That is soo exciting about your house and the fact the carpets are going in means you are really near the end of the build which is so very exciting for you, well done and I am sure you are so very excited to be moving in and to have some space for you and start your next chapter in life.

    How are you feeling with the weaning off of the AD meds? It is so wonderful that you have a plan and that you are doing it so very slowly, that will really make for a wonderful outcome in the end.

    You are sounding so very strong Aaron and that you are really in a very different place to when you first started posting here which is so very wonderful. I am so happy for you and so very proud as this has not been an easy road for you and you have done so much work to take care of yourself and to build yourself up.

    Once again thank you so much for your support to me too, I am feeling stronger and time certainly does help, although the pain sits with me now like a part of who I am. On the 28th of this month, which would have also been Aaron's 20th birthday, we will lay his ashes in the place he requested, it will be another hard day to manage but I think this will be a key part in the healing for our family.

    Short week this week which is awesome....hope you had a fantastic weekend.

    Chat soon

    Huge hugs as always

    Sarah xxxxx

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  16. rhinoceros
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    148 posts
    13 March 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    I'm so glad you have that bit of time to heal and recover. I can only imagine how hard it would be to go through something as traumatic as that again. It make me feel nice to know my words were of some help to you, it's very nice of you to say that.

    I'm going to try and slow down with the music stuff soon - I'm feeling a bit run down this week. It's really scary with the Corona-virus happening in Australia - we have four cases in Tassie now. Makes me worry when I'm out gigging in crowded pubs and places like that. I can't wait for this virus situation to pass, I would like to feel less anxious!

    House is going well still, they did the concreting for the driveway earlier this week. It's really starting to look like a house now- will need a load of work to make the garden look nice etc. but these things can happen gradually. Carpets should be happening in the next week or two as well. I'm looking forward to having my own space. I have a mental image of spending a Saturday morning with old 50's music blaring while I polish the old Mercedes in the garage. That's the kind of life I'd like :-).

    I'm going to start weaning of my meds again tomorrow - hopefully it won't be too disruptive. As the dose gets lower, I've noticed the withdrawals get a bit worse. Once the worst of it's over it's okay, so hoping this time it will be alright. As I gradually reduce my dose I do feel noticeably better... more engaged, can concentrate easier etc.

    I feel like I'm in a much better place right now. My ability to cope with life and its problems seems to be much better too. I'm still getting better at being assertive , but it's hard to unlearn a habit I've had for so long. Thank you so much for all you support and kindness, I owe you so much for that.

    I don't think pain like that every completely goes away but in a strange way can help us become stronger and more resilient people. Laying Aaron's ashes will be really hard but it will hopefully give a bit of closure to the family and hopefully allow everyone to move forwards in a positive way :-)

    Short week was wonderful! I actually had last Friday off, so it was a 4 day weekend! I took a couple of friends on a mini-roadtrip in the old Merc and spent the rest of the weekend gigging. Even this weekend I've got 3 gigs eeergh.

    Hope you've had a lovely week and that you have a great weekend :-)

    Aaron

    xxxx

  17. Aaronsis
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    24 March 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hey Aaron

    I am not sure if you are still checking your thread here, so sorry for the tardy reply but know you are not ever far in my thoughts.

    Hope that you are doing well and are healthy in this time of uncertainty, wow, it is sure like nothing we have ever seen. I hope that your family are well too and I am thinking of your grandad also. We really haven't experienced anything like this before so it is all a bit of a shock, it almost I suppose would be what war times must have felt like to some small degree.

    I am sure that now with the pub etc closing it has stopped your gigs, which I am sure will be upsetting for you but I think the small break could be a nice thing too, and the joy of music and the internet is that I am sure you can still jam with your friends over an online session, which could be kind of cool. None the less I guess it is forcing you to have some down time, which is nice.

    I am so happy to hear that you are in a better place that when we first started chatting, I believe it too and you really have grown so much as a person with your emotional knowledge of yourself as well as what your boundaries are and accepting that no one has the right to push them. That you can say no and that it is perfectly fine to put you first. You really have done some wonderful growth on this journey Aaron and you should feel so proud of you, sure I was here to guide and support but you did all the hard work my friend.

    We have decided to postpone the laying of Aaron's ashes, it is just too risky to get people together and with the borders closing it would be too hard to get there anyway. My dad is ok with it although I really think he needs this final piece of the healing puzzle put in place, but as long as he is ok with it that is all that matters. We will do it at the end of the year hopefully and just do our own thing on Saturday which would have been his 20th birthday.

    My kids have started holidays now so that is going to be interesting for them, and for me I suppose as I put the fires out..lol...I feel sorry for them as they cant see their friends or go to the movies....all the usual stuff, guess we have to find alternatives.

    Once again sorry for the delay in getting back to you Aaron but you are always in my thoughts.

    Take care and stay well xx

    Sarah xxx

    1 person found this helpful
  18. rhinoceros
    rhinoceros avatar
    148 posts
    25 March 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    I still check in here! So nice to hear from you. You've been in my thoughts too.

    It's scary right now, that's for sure. I work in the CBD in Hobart, it's completely quiet - like a zombie town. I worry lots about people getting sick. Our healthcare system here was struggling badly even before this virus. War times would have been worse I'm sure, but it's still scary.

    Thankfully my job is pretty safe but I feel horrible about all the people that have lost jobs. My mum could lose her job, it's a small business. I'm sure she'll have her job back when this is over but in the meantime who knows. I have no gigs anymore at all - also my house is 90% complete - no idea if it will get finished or whether it'll have to wait until this crisis is over. Carpets are supposed to go in mid April, it may not happen. There's so much uncertainty. The goalposts keep getting moved every couple of days.

    Tassie is a bit more isolated and so far they think there's been no community transmission of the virus... that said they're not doing much testing so who knows. I'm trying not to worry about it too much but it's hard not to. It's likely I'll be working from home soon. I actually won't mind that too much but things will be pretty strange.

    Missing gigging lots but tonight I'll do some solid practise to try and keep musically active. I will consider doing some live broadcasts on instagram etc. to keep me amused!

    That's a shame the laying of Aaron's ashes had to be postponed. It's the safest thing to do but it must be hard on your Dad. I'm hoping things will be back to normal sooner than later and by the end of the year we can go back to life as it was before.

    Thank you for your support and kindness! I am definitely in a better place now than before. Hard to believe how bad things were when I look back. Every day I learn how to be a better version of me , if that makes sense? It takes time but there's lots to feel positive about.

    Hope you and your family are safe and healthy during this scary time, I hope things get better soon for all of us!

    You are a wonderful friend Sarah

    Aaron

    xxx

  19. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2464 posts
    6 April 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hey Aaron

    I am so happy you are still checking in, I am so happy to hear that you are still working and that your job is safe, it is one thing to not have to have anxiety around. I am grateful mine is safe too and am working from home two or three days a week. I hope your mum is ok and that her job is safe too, it sure is a worry and a huge lot of pain when we have to see the ones we love in this situation. However, it is just a moment in time, we will get to resume to life as we know it, it is not forever, I have to keep reminding myself of that.

    It is a shame that your house plans may have to go on hold but I am sure that with everything going on you are almost happy to be with your mum and have the unity of family together at this time, even cranky grandad..lol

    Music is so wonderful at this time and I am seeing so many people doing things on line, just getting on there and playing or singing..it is sometimes like a free concert which is really warming to the soul. Also great for them to keep their music alive.

    I am kind of in a weird place right now as my dad did go ahead with laying Aaron's ashes to rest and I totally understand that he needed to do that, he filmed it and it tore me apart not being there for him, seeing him so raw and honest and letting his emotions out as it was just him and his wife, it was a really personal time for them and I am glad that they did this together.

    The next part of the shittyness is that we got the coroner's report on Friday and while it was mostly ok and filled with information that we knew, well at least I knew...dad had no idea about most of the detail, by choice and to read it was horrific for him, but there were some things that I did not know and it really upset me, broke me actually and I have had a pretty lousy few days. However, I have tried to manage it and put it in a place of understanding and trying to move on with the healing.

    You are soooo absolutely positively in a better place than when we first chatted Aaron and I am so very proud of how you have sought help, have spoken out, have taken what you need to grow and to manage the situation when it really was not a typical break up, still supporting your ex, and you were there, so a very unusual break up. Your strength is I am sure helping you know to get through these times of uncertainty too. You are amazing and you have done yourself so proud Aaron.

    Chat soon and hope to hear you and your family are well xx

    Hugs as always

    Your friend Sarah xx

    1 person found this helpful
  20. rhinoceros
    rhinoceros avatar
    148 posts
    16 April 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    Sorry for the tardy reply.
    Hope you had a nice Easter break. Would have to say it's probably the most boring Easter break I've had in a while but I think we're all in the same boat in that regard! At this point in time Mum's job is still safe. There's been a nasty outbreak of Covid 19 in the NW coast, hoping nothing happens like that here in Hobart.

    In regards to the house... apparently I'll be ready end of this week if all goes to plan. SCARY!
    I still need to get blinds and things like that. I'm sure the neighbours wouldn't appreciate seeing me in my underwear haha!

    I've invested in some recording equipment so I can keep making music. Obviously I won't make any money from it but it's more for my own sanity and for the fun of it.

    That sounds incredibly intense for your dad and his wife. It would have been so hard to not be there. It's really hard not being able to see our loved ones easily during this time. Hope you are okay. Do you get to speak with your dad regularly?

    The coroners report wouldn't be an easy thing to look at for anyone, even if you knew the circumstances. That would've rattled anyone no matter how strong. I find the clinical language in documents like that really hard to stomach. I know it's statement of fact, it's not a letter of condolence or anything, but the way they write these things can be really brutal.

    I'm heading to the Post Office during lunch time today... it will be the first time leaving the house in quite a while. What an occasion! I get excited about little things like that now...

    Hope you and your family are well too Sarah.

    Sending you positive thoughts!!

    Aaron

    xx

    1 person found this helpful
  21. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2464 posts
    17 April 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hey Aaron

    Great to chat to you some more and glad that you are well, I saw on the news that Tassie had a huge outbreak and was hoping that it didn't impact your or your family, really interesting times and like nothing we have seen before, hopefully not again for a very long time either!!!

    Easter was weird, we tried to do somethings to make the event, nice lunch, some Easter art..lol..but all in all it was really strange as I usually travel to see my dad at this time ad I was not able to do that this year. I am close to my dad and even more so since my brother's passing. He did sort of parent from the stalls in the past but we are so close now and he call me alot and we talk so much, He emails me and it is really great. If there is something positive that has come out of all of this is that our family has reunited and we tell each other we love each other which is really nice too.

    How exciting for you that you are going to get your house soon, wow, umm yes some blinds might be a good idea, although they might enjoy the show and make them smile.....lol...are you planning to move in or will you wait until things resume back to normal, are you even allowed to move?? That is really cool too that you are doing some recording and using the time to still play and enjoy your music, I am sure you will have a great collection by the time this thing is over..how cool.

    That is hilarious about getting excited about a trip to the PO, I get it though, it is like a trip to the supermarket or to get petrol is the highlight of the day. I am lucky in that I am still doing one or two days in the office so I get to see about 3 or 4 people which breaks up the four walls of being at home, and the cats love it too, I am sure they wonder why I am invading their space all day..lol

    Well I am going to set Jack up for his online drum lesson, that will be interesting..I guess he is lucky he has kit to be able to continue his lesson while doing home school.

    Great to chat to you Aaron, stay safe and all the best if you are moving.

    You are a great friend.

    Hugs

    Sarah

    1 person found this helpful
  22. Azzdog
    Azzdog avatar
    427 posts
    19 April 2020

    Hey Aaron, (you have a really awesome name by the way!)

    I haven't read all of your comments but the ones I did really stuck out to me.

    I have been in a relationship almost nine months now and it has been a whirlwind experience for me. Like you, I had intimacy problems as well where my partner thought she was unattractive and thought that we weren't meant to be together in an intimate sense.

    It has meant that a lot of bad stuff has happened which could have ended the relationship. I won't go into detail here (you can look at my forum post if you wish) but suffice to say I am amazed sometimes that we are still together.

    It is really demoralising unfortunately, particularly for us men. I felt that I wasn't allowed to be intimate and because I have a range of issues on the matter, it caused me to feel really uncomfortable when we tried to be intimate. I didn't think I was a real man and would get really upset because of it. We ended up seeing a relationship counsellor because of it.

    Despite all the problems we have been through we have made it through to the other side. Our intimacy problems are not problems anymore and that was due to us being more comfortable in being intimate together. It really does come down to honest communication and being empathetic and caring for each other.

    I hope my story can help you.

    I am sorry I haven't read everything yet. I just saw that at the start and I really felt I should reach out and let you know you are not alone.

    Keep being awesome Aaron.

    Regards,

    Aaron

    2 people found this helpful
  23. rhinoceros
    rhinoceros avatar
    148 posts
    27 April 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    Sorry for the tardy reply!

    That would have been really hard not being able to see your Dad over the Easter break. I suspect many people are in situations like that where visiting family is a tradition at this time of the year. It's wonderful you have a relationship like that with your Dad. It's a shame with this horrible virus situation you couldn't see him.

    My Easter break was very quiet- there's really little I can do at the moment! I've been very lucky, I actually had a gig a while ago - it wasn't a real gig, but it was a live-stream gig. The venue is streaming through their social media page. I'm lucky enough to have another one this Friday. I'm probably one of the only musicians down here still "kind of" working.

    I had to check the rule re moving house - turns out I am allowed to move! That is a huge relief. Hopefully I'll be able to start moving soon. I"m still waiting on the final occupancy certificate to be completed, also the bank needs to pay the builder his last instalment. Definitely going to need blinds! Will be keen to move ASAP. It's not that I'm unhappy here at home, I get along really well with my Mum. I don't get along with my brother at all (23 years old, never had a job, no plan on ever getting one...), but I think I really just want my own space for once!

    I went for an excursion to the PO today - so exciting !! My cats too are perplexed why I'm at home. They're not used to it haha!

    Hope you're safe where you are Sarah :-)

    Aaron

    1 person found this helpful
  24. rhinoceros
    rhinoceros avatar
    148 posts
    27 April 2020 in reply to Azzdog

    Aaron! Thank you so much for your nice message. Your name is awesome too!!

    It's so nice to know I'm not the only one who's had issues like that. It's so demoralising. That in turn with how my partner at the time responded caused a really serious downward spiral that I'm still finding my way out of! I'm so glad you both worked through those issues. I when both parties are committed to the relationship you can work through most problems.

    I feel that when one party is unwilling to acknowledge a problem or consistently adds to it that the situation becomes impossible to resolve.

    I can relate to you so much - that feeling of not being a 'real man' (whatever the heck that is!) is so suffocating.

    I hope one day there will be less stigma about relationship issues like this, particularly concerning men. It's the kind of thing people like to joke about, but when you're actually in that situation, it's something you'd never wish on anyone.

    Thank you again for your message !!

    Aaron

  25. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2464 posts
    12 May 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hey Aaron

    Remember me..lol..so very sorry but I thought I had messaged you and I was checking for your message to see I had not....DOH!

    I have been wondering how the move has gone and how you are going with all of the final details in your home and mostly if you are all moved in as yet?

    I am very excited that we are going to be relaxing on some of the isolation rules and am sooo excited to be catching up for dinner with my friends on Friday night. I feel like we have been doing this iso thing for ever, even though it has only been really a few weeks..how are you going with it all?

    I wish I had some exciting news and be able to report of the things I have been up to but sadly just work, kids, eat, sleep repeat...how are your online music sessions going? At least you have some way of still being able to keep playing and to sharing your music, that is really cool.

    I am waiting to hear when we can venture interstate and as soon as that happens I will head off to see my dad which I am really looking forward to. How is your family going? I hope that your grandad is in good health with all these things going around, it is a really scary time for the elderly.

    How are you going mostly? How are you feeling of late and how has the contact been with your ex? If any at all? I feel like we haven't really chatted about that and just want to check in with you on that one.

    Sorry once again for the miscomms on the posting....hope to chat soon Aaron

    hugs to you my friend

    Sarah xx

    1 person found this helpful
  26. rhinoceros
    rhinoceros avatar
    148 posts
    15 May 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah!

    No need to apologise - I've done the same thing before! Probably more than once too haha.

    Tonight I'm picking up the keys to the house. I'm really looking forward to moving in. I'll start by doing a few car trips myself, moving what I can by myself. That way hopefully there's not going to be too much for the removalists to move.

    The timing is great because I'm at breaking point right now. Not sure if I've mentioned previously, but I don't get along with my brother at all. He's 24, no job (or plans of getting one), no licence etc. He spends the day on the computer doing god-knows-what and drinking. My mum is the enabler sadly, she doesn't discipline him at all. I've tried to diplomatically speak to my mum about this but she is in denial. My mum is just too kind and generous for her own good. Sadly that can be taken advantage of. I'll miss him.

    Sadly my grandfather passed away on Saturday. He declined rapidly in the space of a few days. He had cancer, that's what caused his rapid decline. My mum was with him when he died. She's handled it all so well. We had the funeral yesterday. I don't like funerals, but it was a nice way to celebrate his life. I never really got to know him all that well, but he was definitely a very courageous strong man.

    Moving out will be great since I won't have to bear witness to any of that any more! It's driving me crazy.

    I still am friends with my ex - we talk lots and see each other plenty. She's made lots of really positive changes and is generally a much happier person than she was in the past.

    I too am looking forward to being able to travel. Not just interstate, even just within Tassie! There's a few places I've been really wanting to go, but due to the restrictions we are not allowed to venture too far from where we live without some sort of reason. Sightseeing doesn't count as a reason!

    Anyway, I should head off and pick up these house keys !!

    how exiting!

    Hope you have a great weekend!

    Aaron xx

    1 person found this helpful
  27. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2464 posts
    16 May 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hello my friend

    I am so very sorry that your dear grandfather has passed away, funerals are really sad but I hope it was a beautiful celebration of his life and that under the current situations with COVID you got to farewell your dear grandad. I am so sorry and I am sure that your mum is feeling really sad too so I am thinking of her too.

    There is so much going on for you at the moment and the story of your brother sounds very very much like mine. My other brother is 43, he started his first ever job this year..he has no friends and suffers his own mental demons I am sure. However my mother has never made any attempt to let him fly on his own, she has "taken care" of him and now he the co depend on each other in an almost love hate relationship. It is very sad to see. I hope your brother can find some motivation to join some of the good things in life and see that he is not living his best life at the moment. It is so hard.

    I hope you have the keys in your hand and you are in...HOW EXCITING AARON....I am so happy for you , your own place and your own space. Now you can get to putting all the bits and pieces in to make it home and to set yourself up for a really nice space that celebrates you.

    I am really happy to hear that your ex seems to be making some really great and positives choices and seems to be doing much better. That is really great to hear. Maybe you are better as friends and that is perfectly fine too. I think you have learnt so much and you will have your eyes wide open now and will be a different person in future relationships which is wonderful. Hopefully coffee girl is still a good friend too....

    I am off to see my dad today, I am super excited and I haven't seen him in so long so I am really looking forward to that.

    Keep in touch my friend and huge hugs to you

    Sarah xxx

    1 person found this helpful
  28. rhinoceros
    rhinoceros avatar
    148 posts
    19 May 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah :-)

    We were lucky in that when the funeral was on, the restrictions were lifted to allow 10 people there instead of 5. That was nice - it was a nice service. My mum is doing well. She was worried about him for a long time, so in a way she's actually kind of relieved. The main thing was he wasn't in any pain. It's still an awful thing to happen, but my mum is such a positive, strong person.

    I'm glad I'm not the only one frustrated by a sibling! Your brother's situation sounds worse than mine... I find it really hard to contain my anger and frustration in regards to his behaviour. I'm not so sure my brother has any mental demons or anything like that - of course there's no way of telling - but I think mainly he's just lazy. That combined with little or no discipline is a recipe for trouble. Like your Mum, my Mum enables the behaviour! There's no conflict between my brother and Mum, but that's largely because she doesn't challenge his behaviour at all.

    I've started moving things into the new house! It's going to take a while to get everything moved but I'm doing it one bit at at time. It will be really nice to have my own space. My front and back yard looks like an abandoned quarry or something so I'll have to do some work there - but that can happen later!

    I'm going to skype-call coffee girl today and see how she is going- haven't spoken to her for quite a while now. In fact I haven't spoken to most of my friends for a while! I should really make contact with people more.

    I haven't put much thought in to future relationships at this stage, but I look at that from a place of optimism and hope. I think it's something that will happen with time, I don't want to rush anything. I'm glad my ex is doing well, in someways me pulling away has been a good thing for her. I forced her to rethink so many things.

    That is so exciting you are seeing you Dad !! You must miss him so much. I hope it goes well and you have a safe trip :-)

    Aaron

    xxx

    1 person found this helpful
  29. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2464 posts
    21 May 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hi Aaron

    Great to hear that you were able to have 10 people for your grandfather's funeral, it is really such a sad time and to have the limitations is just heartbreaking. I am so happy to hear that your mum is doing well, I understand what you mean about it being a relief for her and worrying about his pain and his quality of life. That is wonderful that your mum is a strong and positive person, non the less I am sure she is sad her dear father is no longer with you all.

    The whole sibling thing is just mind blowing..it really is, I am actually in conversations now, and when I say conversations I mean heated arguments with my brother around the care for my mother. It is just horrible and I am really looking forward to when he wakes up and accepts responsibility in life and sees that it is not his mother's role to take care of him..at 43!!! anyhoo...it is really so upsetting and just the pits. My mother has enabled him all his life as I think she too thinks it is her role to take care of him and has some sense of guilt if she does not. Also similar to you in that mum does not challenge him or make him accountable for his life.

    By the time you are reading this I am sure you have a whole lot more moved in and you are getting closer to setting up your first home..how exciting. I had to laugh when you said that your yard looks like an abandoned quarry..lol....it really is how it goes with building a house. But hey, at least you have a clean slate and you can make it how you want...if you are like me with gardening you might want to concrete the whole area and plant plastic plants...lol.

    How did the skype call go with coffee girl? That is awesome that you are staying connected with her. I am quietly hoping she has news she is single..just saying...lol...I know you are in no rush to move on with a new relationship but you just never know what pops up. I hear you though with staying connected with friends, I am not really good at doing that at the best of times and my friends are always the ones calling me....I need to get better at being a better friend, that was one of my goals for this year...hmmmmm

    I am so glad to hear that your ex is doing well, a break up really does make you evaluate and I am glad she has taken that opportunity to reflect and to make some changes in her life too, that is awesome.

    I really enjoyed seeing dad, it felt like an eternity since we could have a glass of red and talk.

    Running out of room

    Chat soon my friend

    Sarah xxx

    1 person found this helpful
  30. rhinoceros
    rhinoceros avatar
    148 posts
    27 May 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    Sorry for the slow reply! Work has been a bit busy this week - I guess I should be thankful I have a job to be busy at! I too am really glad we could have 10 people there at the funeral. Sadly for folks of his age, most of his friends are long gone, and those who remain aren't likely able to attend funerals. It was good just having the family there.

    I'm sorry to hear about the heated arguments with your brother! He sounds a lot like mine. I don't mean to speak unkindly of people, but my brother is simply useless. Honestly, converting oxygen into carbon-dioxide is about as useful as he gets. He rarely gets up before mid-day. Meanwhile my Mum still is working 10 hour days. It's really sickening. I actually find him really creepy.

    I've tried talking about this stuff with my mum - she simply won't listen. Unfortunately she has her head in the sand. It's so frustrating because it's doing neither of them any good. He's borderline unemployable as it is, the longer she lets this go on, the worse it will be.

    I like your gardening ideas!! If concreting wasn't so darn expensive, I'd do that! I've been moving lots of things there - I'm nearly done moving now. I'm hiring a van later this week to move the objects that won't fit in my car. Hopefully in about a week or so I'll be in there. No more putting up with irritating younger brother - hooray.

    Skype call with coffee-girl was lovely. I was kind of nervous about calling if I'm honest! It was nice - it's nice when conversation flows really easily and you don't feel like you have to think of things to say all the time. I too secretly would be happy to hear she is single. She is really special... and waaayyyy out of my league! I think she's struggling a bit with the isolation, she said she was really pleased to get a call from me. How great is that?!

    That is so great you could see your dad again! It's great that things are slowly getting back to normal again. We're so lucky to be here in Australia where we've somehow dodged the worst it. I've been doing one gig per week for the last couple weeks - one of the pubs here in Hobart does live-streaming gigs through Facebook. It's not the same as real audience but so great to be still playing!

    Hope you're having a wonderful day!

    big hugs !

    Aaron xx

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