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Forums / Long term support over the journey / I don't know what to do - a mess of a situation

Topic: I don't know what to do - a mess of a situation

  1. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
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    1003 posts
    14 January 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hey Aaron

    Congratualtions, OMG, that is so awesome that you did the marathon and in better time than you thought with little preparation, that is so good, well done!

    I am so happy to hear that even though it made you feel a little uncomfortable you went to the party, that is so brave and so great that you are pushing yourself to do things that scare you a little and you found out, that they are fine. I am so proud of you, that is awesome.

    The vegan diet is going so well, I really can't believe I feel so good and have so much energy and am actually still sticking to it tbh. It has been ok as I have been pretty prepared and have shopped well so that I don't have any traps in the house. The kids are still eating meat and eggs so I still have to cook that for them, which is fine as I don't want to force this on them. But it is going really well.

    I am glad that you feel that you can be supportive to your ex and it not impact your MH too much, that is really nice that you want to support her. I feel like you are in a much stronger place and are managing this ok, that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel???

    It is so smoky here today in Melbourne and I can hardly see out the window, the fire alarms are in active mode in the building and just ready to go off, so who knows what today will bring...it is so horrific and I just really can't believe it. Also here talking to others and the pain and suffering and what they have lost, just absolutely heart wrenching.....

    Music really is the happiest place to be, what does Frankie Valli say about you, that you have character and soul...I think whatever speaks to you and makes you feel good, or even sometimes sad is ok too.

    Have a great day and please dont feel bad for not chatting every day, I am always here and you chat as you need to xx

    Hugs

    Sarah xx

    1 person found this helpful
  2. rhinoceros
    rhinoceros avatar
    125 posts
    15 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    Thank you! It was pretty tough but I'm glad I did it. The sense of achievement at the end is the best, knowing I ran 21 kms! I don't even drive that far to work... it's crazy when you think about it. Next time I do something like that I'm going to try and be better prepared but it's promising to know what I am capable of if I put my mind to it :-).

    Glad I went to the birthday party too. I was so close to chickening out and not going. I've never been a particularly outgoing person so that sort of thing never has come naturally. I'm glad I went though, it was far less scary than I imagined it would be.

    Glad the vegan diet is going well! Your body must be really happy with it. I am terrible at shopping responsibly... I end up buying lots of junk food when left to my own devices. You must be super self disciplined! I'm a sucker for Oreo biscuits... they're a weakness of mine!

    I can definitely see a light at the end of the tunnel - I feel like I'm in a better place to assert myself when required and generally cope better with things. For example if my ex was to be nasty to me again, there's no way I'd put up with it. I feel like I have much more mental strength if that makes more sense? The MH is pretty good for the most part. I had a gig last night and I was really tired, so I didn't feel like I played very well. I'm a bit drained, we have a new boss at work. She's a bit of a micromanager from what I can tell and it's changed the vibe in the office in a bad way unfortunately.

    Some of that smoke has made its way down to Hobart. Pretty smoky out there today. It's so horrible what's happened. I don't think I've ever heard of fires like this before, it's seems apocalyptic in magnitude. It's so scary.

    Hope you have a good day and hopefully it's a bit less smoky

    Aaron

    xx

  3. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
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    1003 posts
    15 January 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hi Aaron

    The marathon has given you a real confidence boost and yes you are so right, imagine what you can do it you train and really give it all you have, that is a great goal to work for. I can hear how proud you are of your efforts and that is awesome. It really is true, the mind is a funny old thing and it is amazing what you can achieve when you are determined. Good on you!

    I am so happy you didn’t chicken out of the party, it is daunting and scary doing those things when you are not comfortable and it is not what you usually do, however you did it and pushed yourself and found out is wasn’t at all as scary as you thought, that is so great. You just never know who is going to be there and who you might meet and really increase your social circle.

    The vegan thing is going so well and yes, I love oreos too..vegan..yay! I have actually just started following a page on Instagram that is called accidentally vegan and it has all sorts of things that are vegan that you wouldn’t think were…interesting! I am not great at shopping either and always get trapped at gimic corner..lol..which is my word for all the things that the put at the ends of the aisles to trap people like me…

    You sound so much happier and stronger and positive and I am so happy for you, and proud of you as this has not been an easy journey. But you have come so far and it really is like you have whole new eyes and can see the world differently, with you being a priority and that is awesome. I am sooo pleased to hear that you feel like your MH is in a good place too, albeit the new boss, she might be having first day itis I call it, you know when someone comes in all guns blazing and want to show how much they can make a difference, a little overwhelming to start with but hopefully she will calm down as time goes on.

    So my son got his first job yesterday at Hungry Jack’s, I am so proud of him. He is a little nervous to start but I am sure he will be fine. He looks all grown up in his uniform…lol.

    The smoke is worse today, although I think that they are predicting rain so I am hoping that it comes and hits the right areas and calms all this down.

    I am so happy to hear that overall you are feeling like you are in a better space, that is so awesome Aaron.

    Huge hugs as always

    Sarah xxxx

    1 person found this helpful
  4. rhinoceros
    rhinoceros avatar
    125 posts
    20 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    Hope you had a nice weekend! I think I have a bit of Monday-itis today. It was so busy this weekend.

    I saw my ex on Friday night, she wanted me to pop round. She was in a terrible mood, barely spoke to me. It made me really annoyed, I felt like I was wasting my time being there. We all have our ups and downs but it's not fair to take it out on other people! I asserted myself (I think) well and said that I'm not putting up with that behaviour. She later apologised, so that's good I guess. Still would've preferred not to deal with that.

    On Saturday I had a classic car rally I participated in. The old Merc did really well - it had a slight misfire towards the end of the race but it hasn't done it since, so no idea what's going on there! Old cars... there's always something.

    Later on Saturday I had a gig, usually I back other people, but for this gig I was the headline act. Scary! But it was really fun and went better than I had ever imagined. People stayed right to the very end. It was really validating to know that people actually like listening to me play.

    You must be so proud of your son! That's fantastic. Good on him, he'll learn so many valuable skills. Future employers will look at him really favourably with all that experience he'll get!

    I'm at my desk munching on Oreos... who would've guessed they're vegan?! They are very more-ish. I can easily devour an entire packet with next to no effort.

    Did you have a nice weekend? Is it still really smoky there?

    Aaron

    xx

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
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    1003 posts
    22 January 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hey Aaron

    Great to chat to you again and yes Monday's are just the pits..lol..although today tends to be dragging a bit too, never mind, we will get through it.

    That was pretty lousy of your ex to treat you like that when she asked you to come over, I am not sure why she would do that??? Well done though for saying that and I am glad that she saw her actions were not great and then apologized, that is so very strange that she would do that, ask you over then be rude....but as you said, in time you will perhaps just leave when that happens or even get to the point where you feel you may not actually want to drop in at all.

    That is so awesome about the classic car rally, I am sure though that with vintage cars there is always going to be something as you said...it sounds like you had a really great time though and that is wonderful that you are getting out there and living life.

    OMG..the headline act, that is awesome, should I be getting autographs now??? That is such a confidence boost for you and so awesome that you get the opportunity to showcase how good you are. That is awesome. Next time you are in Melb I will have to check it out!

    My son did his first shift yesterday and is back to work today, he said it went well and he seemed really happy. He learnt how to make a cheeseburger and to wrap the burgers..lol..however he did do one upside down and with the wrapper in the wrong way that came back to the manager. He just laughed but said that in all his time no one has done that....lol.

    YUM..yes Oreos are accidentally vegan which is awesome..I had them all over the top of my cake last week!! I ordered a choc caramel vegan cake and it was sooo good.

    This weekend I am volunteering at the Aust Open for BB which will be awesome and I am really looking forward to that, do you have any plans for the long weekend?

    Great to chat some more to you Aaron and you are sounding so much happier and stronger. I am so pleased for you I really am.

    Hugs as always

    Sarah xxx

    1 person found this helpful
  6. rhinoceros
    rhinoceros avatar
    125 posts
    22 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    So nice to hear from you - it's nice of you to say that I sound happier and stronger. I think I am for the most part. I have you to thank though for a huge part of that. Your endless patience and generosity in talking with me has helped me so much. I feel like I'm more assertive now and have a lot more clarity in my thoughts.

    If my ex 'carries on' like that again I'm leaving. Honestly I don't know why she did that. She has always had a bad habit of taking out her stress/frustration with other issues on those around her. I suspect that's what was going on. I don't intend to deal with a repeat of it, I'll exit the situation if that happens. It's a really nasty way to treat someone... I've seen her treat her Dad like that too. It's so mean :-(.

    The rally was super fun. It was great driving along being surrounded by other old cars. It made me feel like I've travelled back in time or something :-). Hoping the slight hiccup on my car doesn't resurface, I'm sure it's nothing major but these things seem to have a habit of costing money!

    Being the headline act was so scary! I haven't done anything like that for a loooong time. I was really worried that people would become bored with my playing. The audience stayed right to the end so it can't have been too bad! It would be wonderful to do a gig in Melbourne like that. I'm going to try and get a few more down here in Hobart to get better practice in talking to the audience etc. I find that side of it the scariest.

    So glad your son's first shift went well! We all make mistakes when learning a new job , but being able to laugh about it is such a good thing! Sounds like he has a good sense of humour.

    How exciting! what a way to spend a weekend! Will you get to see many games while you're there? I'm gigging Saturday night but other than that have a free weekend! I'm currently building my first home so finances are tight - any plans I end up making will have to be cheap!

    Hope you've had a good day so far , it's really hot and humid here in Hobart... thunderstorms predicted for tonight

    Aaron

    xx

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    1003 posts
    23 January 2020 in reply to rhinoceros

    Hey Aaron

    What a lovely message and I am so happy to have been here to help you and support you through this time in your life, however, you have done the work my friend, you have had the hard conversations and you have made a path to strength and wellness for you, I am so very proud of you and you certainly do sound so much happier and stronger and you can see the behaviors clearly and can make a call on how that makes you feel and that is so very empowering. That is pretty rough that she is so mean to her dad, I think she probably has some issues that she needs to deal with, but that is her journey now and she can either continue on like this or she can address it and live with the repercussions.

    My son has now worked two shifts with today being the third, he has gone really well and he is saying things like "oh I get why you look forward to Friday"...I almost fell off the chair....he has worked two 4 hour shifts...lol..ahh well at least he is enjoying it and learning new things and making some new friends so that is all good in itself.

    Oh I forgot about your house, how exciting, how is it coming along and do you have a date when you expect it to be finished by? Wow, how wonderful that you are doing that. Buying new furniture and all those nice things to put in your home..how cool.

    I got a really nice message today on messenger from a girl I don't even know who went to uni with my brother, she told me all about how is death impacted her and how he has changed her life for the better and how wonderful he was but also that she realized she was not living her true life and was being something that uni wanted her to be and not her. She is making some changes to her life now and she wanted to share with me how much Aaron changed her life in a good way. It has really made my day to hear that even 6 months on he is still thought about by others and has made a positive impact on some people, that really made my heart feel good. Just wanted to share that with you.

    It is cool and really windy here in Melbourne today so I am looking forward already to going home, hot shower, some vegan delights..lol..and watching some tennis....nice!

    Hope you are having a great week Aaron.

    Your friend

    Sarah xxxx

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