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Topic: Sad musings

  1. startingnew
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    18 September 2018

    Hello Peps,


    everyone has given such great advice already so I dont have much to add but will send some hugs as always.
    I agree an unstimulated mind can be problematic even if you are busy. Is there something that you want to do that is challanging? I remember you meantioning a 3D art project before? Maybe its time to work on that?
    Maybe its abit of bordeom- doing the same thing/s can be quite boring so maybe some changes within your lifestyle would help?


    Birdy has written an awesome post- I really dont have much to add to what she has said and I agree with everyone, the kindeness and empathy in words to others never cease to amaze me and that is a powerful thing. Try not to doubt yourself too much


    The thing with my mh advocating, im not really like that to be honest, im ok while im on here but offline you meantion mh and it makes me hide. I 'run' from it so I guess im not really advocating at all. I like many others im always questioning what my purpose in this life is, what is it that i want to do. it takes me to a very dangerous place sometimes.

    Maybe human and/or animal rights or being an environmentlist is something that is up your alley? If so to even find out more, you could have a look into joining a group on that topic and just listen in on one of their meetings, you might find out that you ignite that fire more or realise that is isnt for you.


    Anyways, walking along this path with you and friends. Much love and hugs

    Dusk till Dawn

    BW xoxoxoxo

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  2. Peppermintbach
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    18 September 2018 in reply to Birdy77

    Hi wonderful people,

    Beautiful birdy: your ongoing support is always immensely appreciated.

    I’m a huge believer in not taking support/friendship/love for granted because I believe no one really owes anyone else anything in life. This mentality helps to remind me not to take good people, like you, for granted...thank you, birdy...

    Thanks so much for understanding and elaborating. It means a lot. I think you’re right about how no one has it all figured out, and that for many of us, it’s a lifelong search and question(s)...even for people who are passionate about animal rights and justice, like you, who make decisions in ways to support their beliefs and speak up for the voiceless :)

    Sighs, I think, in my own case, there’s a degree of impatience. As in an impatient sense of urgency of wanting to know/to do/to understand “right now!”Obviously, you’re right that it’s generally an ongoing process rather than an overnight epiphany...

    Oh yes please, I would really appreciate your help/support but I feel a little bad asking for help...

    Thank you so much for asking because I would have felt too bad to ask. It really does mean a lot. I feel a little more comfortable talking about the specifics on the animal thread so I might write about it there later...

    Much love to you, my friend xoxo

    Majestic Butterfly Wings: your hugs are always welcome :)

    Thank you so much for the thoughtful suggestions plus your compassionate support. It’s always a pleasure to see you here...

    I think, yes, you’re right as boredom is a part of it. A large part of that boredom is a lack of stimulating company/conversations in my offline realm.

    It’s partly why I love talking to UB (Unbeliever) here because I think he’s engaging, smart, interesting and unafraid to challenge ideas/offers a fresh perspective. I just need to find someone like that in my offline realm to talk to...

    Thanks so much for pulling me up on it. I’m sorry, careless wording on my part about your advocacy. My bad...

    So it seems you’re searching, questioning and pondering too...thank you for understanding :)

    At the moment, I’m just exploring, researching, educating myself and reflecting. I suppose the search is all part of the process...

    The thing with animals & the environment, I already know that I care to some extent. The question is how much/to what degree? I suppose only I can answer that...all in good time...

    Thanks again, lovely Butterfly. You’re the best online little sis.

    ”Dusk till dawn”

    Love,

    Pepper xoxo

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  3. demonblaster
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    18 September 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach
    How bout PHantastic lol Peppystar, best I can do tonight :)

    Was going to say at mine but thought I'd come here huns.
    A while back and still do a lot I was down on myself for what I haven't done with tt. Table tennis but then one day not too long ago I thought ok but what have I done and there's a LOT. Eased my mind, that might help you a little lovey too because as one of you beautifuls said and so true our MH guides us to the negatives only. Also let myself off the hook too a lot because of where my head is so often.

    What I see is you're a Vegetarian, going to ease into Vegan, you choose non animal food (soz poor wording lol) and the fact you give a hoot speaks volumes too. And what we've said about the beautiful person you are and what you do here.

    Reread you're recent posts and the girls, (Incredible all of you) & your welcome darlin :) tTruth lovey I really do think when the times right it'll fall into place because your want and desire's there. Awful being in limbo and if it isn't what you want at least you've explored it and probably learning along the way.
    "No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should" Desiderata Max Erhmann. (Birdy (( X )) What an incredibly wise man.

    Although meeting more people and being out more again thanks to you amazing gentle people here I too understand you wanting a good convo, I know I talked about this before with you and just for a change contradicted myself :) yesterday had couple of stimulating all round ph chats with a couple of blokes which I really enjoy mucking around too but love a good deep anything really except politics, God I keep saying youse can talk about it but I'm not really interested...sigh...so they do lol.
    Wonder if there's any groups or forums you might be interested in joining that just chat about stuff. Saw something once along those lines. (( you ok with virtual kisses? ))

    Mandy honey there's different ways of helping, it doesn't have to be speaking up as such, could be in writing and girl you're SO good at articulating or maybe research advertising or fund raising events etc. Thoughts hun (( x ))

    Love you people nigh night :) x


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  4. startingnew
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    19 September 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hello Dear peps

    youve been abit quiet so just wanted to check in to see how your going?

    the lack of stimulation in your offline world seems to be frustrating for you, i do hope youll be able to find some people or something that is intellecutally stimulating soon.

    no need to apologise at all, youve nothing to be sorry for. i agree i think the searching, questioning and exploring is all part of the process. it really is a shame that our minds cant just make up their minds on what they need/want!

    your most welcome lovely, your the best online big sis too.

    much love and many hugs

    'Dusk till Dawn'

    BW xoxoxoxoxox

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  5. Peppermintbach
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    20 September 2018 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi lovely people,

    A grateful heart for all your love, care and support. Always...

    Wonderful DB: I know you’re currently going through a lot so I want to say an extra special thank you for your post :) There’s absolutely no rush or pressure to respond to me...take good care of yourself...

    As always, your lioness’ heart shows through in your writing...

    Thank you for your gentle encouragement about being kind to ourselves and taking stock of all steps/progress. I hope you’ll be able to get back into tt again one day as I know it really helped lift your spirit...

    I really appreciate your encouragement about certain topics. It means a lot. Although I admittedly feel more comfortable talking about certain things on the animal thread so you’re welcome to read along there of course (plus contributing is great too if you ever feel like it but no pressure). Thanks again for your beautiful support :)

    I agree with you that I’m very fortunate for all this incredible support and kindness here...

    I’m happy for you that you had such an engaging and meaningful conversation the other day. It sounds like you really connected despite parts of the conversation not perhaps being something you’re into...

    Much love and super soul hugs...always a pleasure to see you here xoxo

    Magnificent Butterfly Wings: Aren’t you very caring to check on me? Thank you so much for asking...

    I saw a gorgeous white butterfly yesterday that flew towards me then turned a corner and flew away. I instantly thought of you sending your blessings :)

    Yes, it’s a combination of things that are getting to me. It’s rarely just one that bothers me but it’s when I have multiples things going on that it gets a little more draining...

    I’m happily hoarding all the hugs you’re offering (even stashing some in storage for any extra rough days)...offering some squishy big sis hugs to you too...big love and “Dusk till dawn” xoxox

    Pepper xoxo

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  6. startingnew
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    20 September 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    hi my peps,

    i love hearing of your butterflies, i do hope you see some more. i know your struggling too. i can hear your drained. if only one thing happened at a time huh instead of it pouring down all over the place!

    oh im so glad youve got a big stash of hugs! will send some extra special lil sis hugs to you they are extra squishy, and warm

    Dusk till Dawn

    BW xoxoxoxoxoxo

    2 people found this helpful
  7. Ggrand
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    22 September 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hello Gentle Peppy,

    I hope you don’t mind me calling in, I’m sitting at home and any noise I hear I’m jumping up..I need to rest my mind and your beautiful and gentle thread sometimes helps me to relax.

    How are you feeling within yourself dear Peppy, both physically and mentally, I know you struggle with purpose and purposeless.

    I’m thinking about this now for a while, because you are struggling so much trying to find purpose.. I think that waiting and well sort of putting your life and your thoughts on trying to find your purpose in life daily your not really living the best you can daily...Waiting for that Yay or wow. I get it moment isn’t necessary....it’s only delaying your sense of living a meaningful and purposeful life for the present day....its holding you back to be able to use your potential to do the best you can for yourself, others and creatures and the value that the day has to offer you...

    Our purpose can change daily, monthly, yearly, I don’t think that each of us has a single purpose in life, thing change we change our purpose changes as well, I think it’s what part we are up to in this journey of life.....

    We are never promised tomorrow , not even the next hour...today may be our last day living our life here on earth...None of never know for sure we will be gifted another day after today. Which means that today is all we really ever need to worry about and our purpose for that day....So I’m thinking Instead of trying to find out what our true purpose in life is, all we really need to do is something..anything...that will help and befit someone, or some creature somewhere today, the day that’s been gifted to us....

    I hope you have a good week end Peppy, and I really want to thank you ver much for your suggestions today..I really appreciate you so much....I left you a picnic basket out in your back garden..it’s got some, , cheese, olives, bread, mild peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers, and a bottle of champagne, enough for all who want to join you...oh and some chocolate and strawberries, yummy...

    Grandy...


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  8. demonblaster
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    22 September 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    Hello our gorgeous gentle (absolutely) Peppystar and everyone ☺

    Now I've forgotten why I'm here.. nah dust twicken 😉

    Peps I too think of my best with Grandy and Starts coming up fast, apprentice 🤗 hugger often and want you to find peace lovely lady because you give so much when you talk to people.

    So just to reignite your excitement levels and suspense I thought you might like to know I'm a tad further with your 🎁 oh oh Peppy stop holding your breath...exhale sweet heart, there that's better.

    Would like to say dear Grandy amongst all your posts that was exceptional 🤗

    You sweets seriously rock. Not too bad at all you lot ☺ 🤗

    Much love darlings 🖤💜💗👀👂🏻

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  9. startingnew
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    27 September 2018

    Hi Peps

    just wanted to stop in and see how your going?

    xoxoxo

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  10. Peppermintbach
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    28 September 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hi wonderful people,

    As always, I’m truly thankful for all your incredible support. I appreciate each and every one of you especially when I know how much you’re all struggling yet have still reached out to me. Thank you...

    Darling Butterfly Wings: Yes please, go on and bring on that big stash of extra squishy hugs! Your butterfly hugs are always (always, always) welcome here :)

    You’re such a beautifully sensitive person. Yes, big sis Pepper here is feeling drained for a whole range of reasons. It means a lot that you picked up on it, and it means even more than you’re reaching out despite your own pain and hurt.

    How have you been, lovely one? I noticed you’ve been a little quiet on your thread, which is more than okay of course. There’s no pressure but if you feel like talking, just know that we are all in your corner ;)

    Sending love, comfort and deep affection to you. “Dusk till dawn” xoxox

    Gorgeous Grandy: of course it’s okay for you to visit :) Thank you so very much for such a heartfelt, insightful and poignant post.

    I completely agree with you that purpose and meaning continues to evolve, and that it’s possible to have more than one. Thank you for your gentle reminder to not take daily life for granted and to seek beauty and meaning each day :) Agreed!

    I suppose that I’m lacking an anchor, so to speak. Getting through each day is okay, and I do find small things to appreciate and I try to help out in a little ways when I can...

    But I think that I still need an anchor, which I feel an (overarching) purpose can help with...maybe...

    Anchor(less) at the moment...so I feel as though I’m drifting.

    Truly grateful for your kindness and insight plus the picnic basket. I’ll share those goodies with everyone on this thread. It will be quite a feast :)

    Love and care to you xoxo

    Wonderful DB: thank you for making me laugh, lioness’ heart. There’s always such a genuine warmth but sense of cheeky (but loving) humour in your words. I love that about you...

    I’m glad that I’m still your top student although I better watch out for Grandy and Butterfly as they are becoming my soul hugging rivals. Lol.

    Thank you for the special present that you’re working on. Looking forward to the big reveal! super soul hugs xoxo

    Love,

    Pepper xoxo

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  11. Birdy77
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    28 September 2018

    Dear Pepper (love to your fanclub😊),

    I wrote to you elsewhere and had nowhere near enough characters, and I am upset with myself for neglecting to say the most important part.

    The part where I thank you for being the gentle, encouraging, uplifting person that you are.

    The part where I tell you that your words truly do lift me and others up, and help carry me and us to a better place in our heads and hearts.

    The part where I say you have a generous heart and I and we are privileged to have you in our lives.

    The part where I thank you for always validating my feelings.

    I am confident all your beautiful friends here will be nodding in agreement.

    You make the world a better place.

    You will find your anchor and the perfect mooring spot ... and there may be many perfect mooring spots across your lifetime.

    Meanwhile, shine like you are.

    Love from

    🌻birdy

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  12. Peppermintbach
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    29 September 2018 in reply to Birdy77

    Hi beautiful birdy (waves to all),

    Thank you so very much for a really moving and exceptionally compassionate, uplifting and caring post. It brought a smile to my face...although I feel I’m the one who should be thanking you...

    I’m actually feeling a little speechless...that aside, I’m deeply moved and very grateful. I’m truly blessed by your kindness, understanding and friendship ;) Thank you again...

    There’s a big part of me that feels as though those beautiful words relate more to you than to me.

    When you said “gentle, uplifting and inspiring”, I think that applies more to you than me...

    When you said, “your words do lift me and others up...”, I feel the same could be said about you...

    The part where you thanked me for validating your feelings, I could (easily) say the same about you...

    You often say that my presence is a gift, and as much as I’m truly appreciative of your kindness, expansive love and grace, I keep thinking that it’s more the other way around.

    I feel it’s your deep caring and insightful presence that is a gift to me plus many, many others here...we are gifted and lifted by your presence, dear birdy :)

    In your gentle, patient and intelligent way, you encourage (and graciously challenge) us to do more and be more...and to care more about/be more compassionate towards each other as well as to animals and the physical world around us.

    Don’t you see? I genuinely think you help to make us better people. I think that I’m learning (albeit very slowly and with lots of mistakes, confusion, frustration, etc) to be a better person because of you...and that...that is truly precious, my friend.

    There’s a famous saying about how we become like the 5 people we are around the most, and I can honestly say
    your presence has had (has) an enormously positive impact on my life...

    We, all of us here, are very blessed by you...thank you. So please don’t thank me.
    It’s me who should be thanking you :)

    You make the world a better place...

    Love and admiration,

    Pepper xoxox

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  13. startingnew
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    29 September 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Birdy- what a beautiful post, i agree with you 100%

    Pepper girl- i had a feeling you werent having the best time, i dont ever force people to talk but know im always here if you do, It can be about anything at all, im often keep an eye out even when im quiet xox.

    Things have been tough at my end but its one of those 'sighing' moments where you really just cant find the words and just trudge on through the day in hopes things will get better sooner rather than later. Thank you for your beautiful post on my thread too. always very much appreciated

    Sending much love, many hugs and butterfly wishes

    Dusk Till Dawn

    xoxoxoxoxoxo

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  14. Peppermintbach
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    5 October 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hi darling Butterfly Wings (gently waves to all),

    Your company, blessings, hugs, support and butterfly wishes are always things that I cherish. Thank you for being the truly caring person that you are...

    You’re most welcome ;) If anything, it’s my privilege to talk to you and get to know you...I know you’ve been struggling a lot lately yet you still flutter your wings across to my thread. Sometimes it must be hard to find the words so sighing can speak volumes...

    Thank you so very much for being here...it means a lot.

    Love always and gentle big sis hugs,

    ”Dusk till dawn”

    Pepper xoxox

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  15. Guest8901
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    7 October 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hi dear Pepper

    I do hope you've had a nice weekend?

    You havent said much here lately about how you really are. Except to say that you feel anchorless and as though you are drifting.

    Most of your commentary here has been you replying to everyone and turning the conversation around so that its all about them, and not you.

    Please never forget that this thread is meant to be primarily about you. A place where you can talk freely about whatever you need to. A place for your sad musings.

    I think you may be missing Sez, as you two seemed to be quite close. Both on an equal footing intellect wise and in outlook.

    It can be very hard can't it, when people move on? Although it sounds as though Sez has some new and exciting things happening in her life, and its understandable for her to feel the need to move on from here. I know you are happy for her, as am I. But her departure (even though its only partial) still leaves a hole, and the feeling that something is now missing.

    Anyway ... I just wanted to remind you that you still have many people here who care a lot about you. Others who are very willing to listen. Many of us who really want to understand you better, so we can be here for you. Just as you are always there for so many of us.

    🌺 🌾 🍁

    Amanda 💜 💕

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  16. Peppermintbach
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    10 October 2018 in reply to Guest8901

    Hi lovely Mandy (and all my other caring friends),

    You’re truly lovely. Thank you so much for such a heartfelt and gentle post...

    It’s okay, I’m okay, thank you... I’m at a place of acceptance. I wish Sez well :)

    About your “similar outlook” comment, while I definitely can see why you would think that, I actually don’t think her and I have a similar outlook.

    I feel we have a lot of ideological differences...then again, perhaps I’ve misunderstood/misinterpreted what you meant. Either way, similar or different is okay. It’s okay to have different outlooks ;)

    About a different topic now...

    Yes, I know that I’m very fortunate to have so many people care about me, you being one of those lovely people. Thank you very much...you all mean a lot to me. A heartfelt thank you again :)

    Sighs, I’m hesitant to post this next part because I’m concerned that it might be misconstrued but I’ll give it a go anyway...

    Just to be clear, I’m not saying that this is you or anyone here but here is my attempt to explain partly why I am the way I am...

    If my offline world is anything to go by, multiple experiences have taught me that people often like the idea of something rather than the reality of it, which makes me hesitant to open up (in general)...

    From past experience (offline), people have often said that they want to get know me better.
    But then I quickly realise that they also don’t like to be challenged, & because of the way my mind works with my tendency towards critical thinking, I invariably end up challenging ideas if given free rein...

    So I feel that (some) people like the idea of learning more about me but not the practice of it (not the reality it)...of course there are (rare) exceptions who are accepting and even encouraging of this aspect or me...

    Just to reiterate, I’m not saying that this is you, Mandy, or anyone else here. I’m simply expressing that I’ve had multiple bad (offline) experiences, which makes me feel reluctant and cautious in general.

    It feels stifling but this is where I’m at currently...throw in other personal things happening (that I don’t necessarily want to talk about) & I’m just tired...

    Granted, I’m also aware that I do this to myself too. I opt to make myself “smaller” (so to speak) to preserve others’ comfort, so the blame is on me. This is my own problem...

    A huge thank you again for your beautiful post, especially when I know how much you have been struggling. You have a tender & thoughtful heart....

    Love,

    Pepper xoxo

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  17. Guest8901
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    10 October 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Dear Pepper,

    Thanks for your post. I think I understand what you are saying, but I need to digest what you've said and get back to you when I can. I simply do not have the time or mindset right now. Too much going on here.

    Love to you Pepper, and I hope you have a good day. 🌺 🌾 🍁

    Amanda 💕

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  18. Ggrand
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    10 October 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Dear gentle Peppy,

    I feel a bit slack, you’re gentle and beautiful constant on my thread but I haven’t been to visit you for a while, My head just didn’t really want to belong to me but that I hope is changing and it will find me soon...

    Peppy, I feel getting to know a person is what friends are all about, it’s the part of discovery the fun part, the bonding part, the caring and beautiful part of friendship the part where both their love and your love for each other is seeded and for that love to grow and blossom the getting to know you part is an essential to build up a beautiful friendship and the learning part is a part that never ceases to stop through a friendship...I feel also that it’s the best part of any friendship because it’s a constant part of any friendship, and I don’t think we ever know our friends 100% that’s the fun bit, and patience and time are so important in. constantly learning who our friends are...I hope I worded that correctly...

    Here on the forums you’re prescence is one of love, care, patience, compassion and so many more I wish your real life friends had the time and patience that you so much deserve because they are missing out on a beautiful friendship with you...

    Peppy, please sweetheart, be you, be Peppy..I think trying to always making yourself “smaller”, is not being true to you it’s not who you really are and that’s fair on you, i feel if you need to change you to preserve others comfort, please Peppy ask yourself if this is really you.. trying to make yourself “smaller” will not last long, it’s hard to continually try to be someone your not..I feel if you are true to yourself, great friends, with your interests and your unique way of challenging things will arrive one day..You are you Peppy and I love you for you. as i am sure everyone else here does as well....I hope I haven’t said wrong in placing my thoughts down, What I’m trying to say is everyone is different and unique in their own way, and staying true to yourself is so very important for ourselves to continually grow...Please sweetheart don’t change you for anyone....

    sending you love and hugs Peppy....💜🤗..

    Grandy...

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  19. Birdy77
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    11 October 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Dear Pepper ❤

    I am sending you a big, warm understanding hug. I admire the way you've expressed your feelings & explained your hesitancies, with grace and tact.

    I can totally relate to everything you've written in your latest post.

    I know we've talked about similar things over the last months & I've said most of the following to you before. I'm going to write this post anyway, sorry if I'm repeating myself.

    I completely understand that stifling feeling you've described, keeping yourself contained, fitting your sparkling, wild self into a shape predetermined & pre-approved by others. Shrinking yourself to fit in to their idea of who you are.

    I wish that you didn't feel you needed to offer a diluted version of yourself, to keep others comfortable. But I do completely understand why.

    I guess there are situations in which we play a role, & to break out of that role feels too risky, or that we're not quite ready to deal with the fallout. When we've played that role, & created this persona around it, it can feel strange to break free of it.

    But, there can also be a risk, I think, of losing ourselves while we're trying to make ourselves fit in with other's cardboard cutouts of us. I'm not saying this is necessarily a risk for you. I actually believe that you have this rich inner awareness and acceptance of your wild spirit. There have been times in my life when it was a risk for me ... too long wearing the straight jacket (ha, i just thought if the irony of that metaphor 😊) of other people's expectations & ideas of me, that I almost lost myself.

    And the fear that when you hear "I want to know the real you" & you show the real you & the real you doesn't fit in with their image of the real you. Fallout.

    When we find those who give us space to be ourselves, in all our messiness & wildness and awesomeness, where you don't feel you need to trim yourself back, edit yourself, constantly bite your tongue, colour inside the lines, just to fit in ... they're your tribe baby! Where you "belong", not where you shrink yourself to"fit in". That is where you will find nourishment for your soul.

    It would be awesome if you felt that freedom here, but i completely understand your hesitation. I see these fireworks from you that occasionally escape the containment lines, & it's awesome. I love seeing that. I'm over here cheering!! It's cool.

    Does this post make sense? It makes sense to me ...

    I just feel like I get it. And want you to know it.

    With my love ❤

    🌻birdy

    3 people found this helpful
  20. Peppermintbach
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    12 October 2018 in reply to Birdy77

    Hi lovely people,

    Caring Amanda: it’s always a treat to see you here. Thank you so much for visiting despite all that you’re going through. It means a lot...xoxo

    Gorgeous Grandy: It’s okay, I know you have been struggling a lot recently. So please don’t put too much pressure on yourself to reply if you’re not feeling up to it. Gentle and easy does it...

    Thank you for your very comforting and kind words :) Your encouragement and acceptance means a lot...

    I completely agree with you that continuing, and being willing, to learn about our dear friends is very special. There’s something precious in that...

    Lovely Grandy, I would like to reassure you that I’m not and haven’t been changing myself for others’ comfort. Sorry, I probably wasn’t very clear. What I meant has more to do with how I hold back, bite my tongue, etc, etc.

    Thank you for your friendship and love. You truly are our favourite little angel :) xoxo

    Beautiful birdy: the big hug is gratefully accepted, and I’m offering one in return :)

    Smiling, you get me. You genuinely get me, and that is truly priceless. For me to feel understood is rare...there’s freedom, relief and comfort in that. A really wholehearted thank you...yes, your post makes absolute sense to me :)

    I admire your courage to break free from others’ expectations of you. I can’t imagine it was (is) an easy or painless process for you...I suppose sometimes we have to lose, so to speak, to gain or grow. Sighs, it doesn’t make it any easier though...

    All I can say is whoever struggled (struggles) to accept you in all your complex and messy glory, it’s their loss. I truly believe that...they’re missing out on an opportunity to get to know you and all your rich layers...

    Your comment about fireworks made me laugh. Thank you for your all encompassing encouragement and genuine acceptance, my fireworks and all :)

    To a large extent, you’re right, I know who I am. I know what things truly matter to me, and what things I don’t really care about...

    For the most part, I’m willing to compromise or exercise a degree of restraint. But there are also situations where I opt to make more of a stand...

    I suppose what I’m keenly aware of is the role of selectivity. I don’t have to intellectually, emotionally, financially or time-wise invest equally in all...selectivity

    Your presence here has (and does) truly help me immensely. I don’t know how to possibly thank you enough for being you...hugs & gratitude for your friendship :) xoxox

    Much love,

    Pepper xoxo

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  21. startingnew
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    13 October 2018

    Sitting with you always pepper girl. 👭

    Love and many hugs

    Dusk till Dawn

    BW

    ❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥

    2 people found this helpful
  22. demonblaster
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    14 October 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Love to you beautiful Peepystar 🤗
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  23. demonblaster
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    14 October 2018 in reply to demonblaster
    And to Peppystar too 🤗🖤❤💟
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  24. Peppermintbach
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    15 October 2018 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi lovely people,

    Darling Butterfly Wings: Thank you so much for your loving presence. You are always appreciated here :) “Dusk till dawn” xoxo

    Wonderful DB: Thank you very much to you too and big love (and super soul hugs) to you too xoxo

    Pepper xoxo

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  25. Guest8901
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    17 October 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Dear Pepper,

    Currently not concentrating too well, so my apologies for not getting back to you. I am watching and listening, and caring a lot too. When I'm not in a good place, my replies to you feel silly and inadequate, so I dont even bother trying. But I will get back to you when I can. Meanwhile please know I always appreciate your posts, but believe there is still so much left unsaid. I realise there is a need for that sometimes ... and thats quite okay.

    Please take good care of yourself.

    Amanda 🤗 🌹 💜

    4 people found this helpful
  26. Birdy77
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    17 October 2018

    Hello friend 😊

    I saw this somewhere and thought of you:

    "Tired of trying to cram her sparkly star-shaped self into society’s beige square holes, she chose to embrace her ridiculous awesomeness and shine like the freaking supernova she is”

    I don't know who wrote it, but I think it was written for you 😉

    With my love ❤

    🌻birdy

    4 people found this helpful
  27. Peppermintbach
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    19 October 2018 in reply to Guest8901

    Hi caring people,

    As always, an enormous thank you :)

    Lovely Mandy: thank you so much for your visits. It means a lot but there’s seriously no need to apologise. I know you have a lot going on, and that you’re under a lot of stress and pressure so it’s okay, I get it ;)

    Please just take your time. You can get back to me if and when you’re feeling more up to it, and not any time before...

    Your caring words and presence is always appreciated here xoxo

    Beautiful birdy: thank you for making me smile and encouraging me to just be me :) Supernova it is then. Lol.

    Thank you so very much for always allowing me that freedom and holding that space for me to be me, supernova and all...I can only hope that I can offer the same in return...

    You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to but can I ask how have you been, dear birdy? Much love and heartfelt friendship to you xoxox

    Pepper xoxo

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  28. Birdy77
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    19 October 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Dear Pepper

    I'm glad I made you smile 😊 and yes, you most certainly "hold that space" for me my friend, always encouraging me to speak my truth ... always so gently accepting, engaging, opening, nurturing .... your extended palm of friendship is so appreciated, your genuine acceptance of me is really so cherished.

    I am feeling good today dear friend, and I am trying not to place too much on that, in case it all comes crashing down .... but I feel like for ages now I have been in the way of myself ... blocking myself from where I want to be ... obstructing my own path ... sabotaging my own dreams.

    For a while now I've been trying to practice this concept of "allowing" ... like, truly allowing myself to feel whatever the heck I am feeling, and trying to drop the storyline behind it, stop the judgement surrounding it, and just lean in to it ... accept it ... allow it. I don't think I've been doing too well at it, but for some reason this morning I feel like something has snapped into place about it. And it feels free. Like, I have achieved 3 small things this morning that I've been procrastinating about for a stupidly long time, and now: they're done! Weight lifted from my shoulders, feeling energised to keep going.

    Also, since my massive anxiety blowout a month ago, I have single handedly been keeping the local wine industry afloat, like, seriously: Any Excuse Will Do! ... feeling very depressed: pour me a drink ... feeling brilliant: pop the shampers ... feeling anxious: where's the vodka .... sun is shining: it's cider o'clock ... my partner asks me to toast some bread, so I raise my glass and chirp "here's to bread!" 😂 And of course all wrapped up in that is the accompanying self-loathing. So ... yeah ... i really have gotta work on that, because it's not taking good care of me is it.

    How are you this week my friend?

    I hope you are having a sparkly, sparkly Friday 🌞

    With my love,

    🌻birdy

    3 people found this helpful
  29. Peppermintbach
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    20 October 2018 in reply to Birdy77

    Hi beautiful birdy (and a wave to all the other kind people here),

    I’m very happy to hear that you had a good day yesterday :) I feel sometimes our fears for the future, fears of impermanence, etc can take away from an otherwise good day. So I hope you did your best to simply accept and enjoy yesterday...who knows what tomorrow holds, after all?

    Something has clearly clicked and I feel you’re learning to honour your pain, my friend. You’re giving yourself permission to feel (truly feel), by allowing space for your difficult feelings...I think we expend so much energy fighting our own feelings that perhaps simply allowing space for it is the most nurturing thing we can do for ourselves sometimes...

    Vulnerability is hard. So that makes a willingness to be vulnerable actually very brave. You’re a brave one, dear birdy :)

    Sigh, I can relate to your drinking. Yes, any excuse, right? Lol. Alcohol is a tough one. It’s a gradual process...I suppose what I’m trying to say is please don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ll work on it when you’re ready and at your own pace. But the fact you recognise that it’s ultimately hurting you is already a great start :)

    If you ever want to talk about it, or anything else, my hand of friendship is always extended. Open palms...and I doubt that I’m the only one here ;)

    Sigh, I have become comfortable in my cone. In it, no one bothers me and I don’t bother anyone else (I don’t think?). I don’t even know how to explain what is going on in my head and heart sometimes...

    You know that feeling of simultaneously holding different feelings and thoughts, some even contradictory, and being painfully aware of it all? Nods, yes, that’s it. It’s like a storm up there (head) and in here (heart).

    I don’t want to go into details here but sometimes multiple losses from the past hits you when you least expect. So there’s a bit of that...

    Also, I’m a little annoyed. I feel sometimes people in my offline realm want to have their cake and eat it too when it comes to me...

    Funnily (and ironically) enough, it’s the exact, same characteristics in me that are both praised and criticised by the same people, depending on whether those characteristic serve them or not. I feel it’s a very self serving mindset, and the worst part is I doubt they have the self awareness to recognise or even admit it to themselves...

    So right now, mixed and contradictory emotions just about sums it up for me...

    A huge thank you :)

    Love and friendship,

    Pepper xoxox

    2 people found this helpful
  30. demonblaster
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    20 October 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hi dear Peppystar tweety and your other beautiful friends ☺

    You explain well Peps it is awful having a lot of conflicting emotions at one time. Sounds like you have frustration with friends too.

    Just wanted to let you know I love and care very much about you and have your pressy sitting quietly in my mind. It's grown again so thats something. You might get it before Xmas. Not sure which one though 😉

    Enjoyed our veranda time with Grandy the other night.

    Tweety good hearing you open up hun, beautiful friend Peps isn't she and easy to talk to. I too gave a little into last downs just I fear going further holds me back. Good on you sweet 🤗

    Love and light to you both. Hope you both have nice days and Peps that it gets better darlin 🤗😚☘⚘

    2 people found this helpful

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