Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Topic: Sad musings

  1. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    20 October 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Dear Pepper ❤

    Thank you, I did just enjoy my feelings of peace on Friday ... you're right, so often our present moment (the only moment we ever truly have) even when peaceful, can be ruined by our thoughts, fears, judgements, expectations about it.

    Your words reminded me of a moment in the book The Hours by Michael Cunningham (I've been thumbing through trying to find the page so I could quote it, but my own version will have to do for now). The character is remembering a moment from when she was very young, 20 or so. It was like this perfect moment, everything felt right & good & she thought at the time, "ah, this is the beginning of happiness". But looking back, of course she realises "that was happiness". That moment. That was happiness.

    I will try to find it, I don't think I've explained it well. I am not a Pulitzer prize-winning novelist and he is 😊.

    I understand very well the feeling of having a storm raging in one's head & heart. And I understand feeling comfortable in the cone. When there's so much raging up there and in there, the cone can feel like a barrier of serenity. Or something like that.

    You can stay in your cone as long as you like. Send secret messages, morse code etc as required. I'll be listening.

    Losses from the past can hit so unexpectedly, seemingly out of nowhere. And with force. I'm slowly learning to give those feelings (grief, loss) the space & compassion that they need when they arise. I hope you can do that too, hold those feelings with understanding & love, & allow them to play out the way they need to. It's ok if they keep coming back, they will do what they need to do. Just be compassionate towards yourself.

    Those people who want their cake: I am putting $10 on that those are the same people who want to confine you to their beige cardboard cutout version of you. Either way, the characteristics that they variously praise/criticise depending on how it serves them: those characteristics are not theirs to praise or criticise in the first place. Your ridiculous, messy awesomeness is not there for their nod of approval, for their tick or cross depending on their agenda. Forget that. No wonder you feel annoyed.

    Less time around these ones if you can, my friend. More time around those who don't feel the need to judge in the first place, & accept you as you are. You are not here to fit in with anyone's ideas of you. You're here to be you.

    Deebs❤thanks & yes, Pepper is beautiful.

    Out of characters!

    🌻birdy

    3 people found this helpful
  2. Peppermintbach
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Peppermintbach avatar
    4566 posts
    21 October 2018 in reply to Birdy77

    Hi caring people,

    Wonderful DB: thank you so much for visiting :) Yes, you’re right, I am feeling somewhat frustrated...

    What a generous friend you are...more than 1 present for me? This is exciting! Feel free to just give me both presents ;) lol.

    Yes, it was lovely chatting to you and gorgeous Grandy on the verandah. Peaceful night...

    Love and light from you gratefully received and accepted :)

    Sending you love and super soul hugs (I am your top student, after all) xoxo

    Beautiful birdy: it’s always a treat and a blessing to read your words on this thread :) Thank you so much, dear friend...

    Yes, I’m with you (and apparently this Pulitzer prize-winner too) that happiness tends to be fleeting, and that it exists in moments rather than as a permanent emotional or mental state.

    Or at least that’s my interpretation of your interpretation of his words ;) So I’m especially glad you made the most of Friday...you really needed a good day, I think...

    If you find the excerpt or quote, please feel free to share it. I’m intrigued...

    Yes, my cone is somewhat peaceful. I can just “be” in the cone. Maybe I’ll talk when and if I feel ready but I’m still there for now. That being said, your gentle encouragement, attentiveness and willingness to listen is always very much appreciated...and patience...

    Your words on self compassion were very moving. Yes, self compassion and honouring our pain...I feel the 2 go hand-in-hand especially with loss...

    Your comments cake eater comments did make me smile :) Thank you very much for such a validating and empowering response about how my characteristics exist in their own right rather than for the (self) interests of others. The latter is a very conditional kind of love, don’t you think?

    I have just been doing some reflecting (when am I not should be the question? Lol) Just continuing to question the path that I’m on...

    Still feeling somewhat lost but at the same time, I know myself to a large extent too. I’m a bit of a contradiction in some ways, I suppose...

    On the plus side (even if this is somewhat unrelated to the above), I’m very excited that I have found a brand of makeup that does not test on animals, and it does not use any animal products or derivatives :) It’s also good quality too so I’m pleased.

    Love and friendship to you dear birdy xoxox

    Love,

    Pepper xoxo

    2 people found this helpful
  3. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    21 October 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach
    "... It had seemed like the beginning of happiness, and Clarissa is still sometimes shocked, more than thirty years later, to realise that it was happiness; that the entire experience lay in a kiss and a walk, the anticipation of dinner and a book. .... What lives undimmed in Clarissa's mind more than three decades later is a kiss at dusk on a patch of ... grass, and a walk around a pond as mosquitoes droned in the darkening air. There is still that singular perfection, and it's perfect in part because it seemed, at the time, so clearly to promise more. Now she knows: That was the moment, right then. There has been no other." Michael Cunningham, The Hours.
    2 people found this helpful
  4. Peppermintbach
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Peppermintbach avatar
    4566 posts
    24 October 2018 in reply to Birdy77

    Hi beautiful birdy (and a wave to all the other caring people here),

    Yes, I agree that happiness tends to be fleeting. I think it exists in moments of varying duration rather than being some sort of eternal promise...

    One happy moment does not necessarily guarantee (or not guarantee) more happy moments. It just “is” and exists in that moment, and when it’s gone, it’s gone and encoded in our memory...something to remember and look back on..

    That is, perhaps till our next moment of happiness. Fleeting yet precious...or perhaps precious because it can be so fleeting.

    Thank you so much for thinking of me, and for taking the time to find the page and to share his words with me :) It means a lot. Really and truly..

    Such poignant and heartfelt words, he wrote, about happiness and simplicity...a kind thank you again...

    Sending you my love, friendship and warm hugs plus my blessings :)

    Pepper xoxox

    3 people found this helpful
  5. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    25 October 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hello fellow tribeswoman ❤😉

    I am so pleased to hear that you've found some makeup that does no harm ... thankfully now there are quite a few to choose from.

    Do you think, for now, that you might be able to just allow yourself to be in this lost feeling? I don't think it's a bad place to be. I think it can be a positive place, a place where unexpected things can happen. It's a familiar feeling for me, as I've told you before, and it isn't exactly comfortable ... but discomfort is where the awesomeness occurs, right? We can "journey freely and loyally together" in that discomfort can't we?

    The fleetingness of happiness: I think it's a reminder and lesson about being in the moment, we're so often caught up elsewhere in our awareness that we miss the moment itself.

    It can also be a reminder not to be too hard on ourselves too, like, you know how I said I felt like something had clicked for me, but I didn't want to put too much weight on that feeling?

    Because really, things click, and then they shatter and get messy, and then they come together again and seem to be neat and awesome, and then fall to pieces again, and so on .... that's the messiness of it, and anyone who has it all together all the time is probably deluded. I think.

    I definitely think the cake eaters demonstrate a very conditional kind of love or acceptance (can it even be called love?) based on their own self-absorption. Attempting to tame you and keep you in the prefabricated shape they ordered for you, not truly loving you for who you really are. Not really allowing you to shine and expand into the fullest version of yourself ... so stifling.

    I feel like I'm rambling.

    Wishing you and all your friends here a sparkling Friday.

    With my love,

    🌻birdy

    3 people found this helpful
  6. startingnew
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    startingnew avatar
    5861 posts
    27 October 2018

    Peps

    sending you many hugs and butterfly wishes

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Peppermintbach
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Peppermintbach avatar
    4566 posts
    28 October 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hi caring people,

    beautiful birdy: Fellow tribeswoman? That gave me a little chuckle, but I understand the sentiment behind it so a loving thank you :) Also, you weren’t “rambling”, and even if you were, you’re welcome to “ramble” here any time. Lol.

    To a large extent, I’m relatively comfortable with a degree of discomfort, which I realise is a very self contradictory sentence. As I said elsewhere, I think comfort and positive progress generally don’t mix very well. I feel that applies to many spheres of life...

    Your encouraging and heartfelt comments moved me. Yes, we can indeed “journey freely and loyally together.” Thank you, dear friend...

    I agree with you that it’s an ongoing process...things sometimes make a little sense for a while then it gets messy again, and it’s this continuous cycle...also yes, I remember what you said ;)

    I’m just tired and I have been questioning a lot of things (when am I not though? Lol). I think that’s just how my mind works.

    I’ve never been one to simply be okay with accepting what people tell me...I have to find out for myself...reflect, research, consider possibilities, etc...

    I’m opting for my own company a little more often, because I’m finding certain people draining and suffocating in my offline realm...it’s exhausting having to feel as though I’ve to bite my tongue, or do my diplomacy “dance” around them constantly.

    The people that I tend to feel most at ease with are perceptive and sensitive, good listeners and aren’t afraid to be challenged (and aren’t afraid to challenge me either).

    I was reading something interesting online, albeit a little trashy too (lol), about the 6 friends we need in life:

    • the catalyst (the change agent who pushes you to not get too comfortable)
    • the player (the fun loving friend)
    • the challenger (respectfully stimulates your mind and makes you look at the world differently)
    • the lover (friends who love you unconditionally and that you can count on)
    • the nurturer (the reliable and compassionate friend)
    • the inspirer (deep conversations and makes you want to be a better person)

    It was a fun read :)

    Much love and friendship to you xoxox

    Darling Butterfly Wings: hugs and butterfly wishes are all lovingly accepted :)

    I saw a white and orange/black butterfly last weekend. I was particularly happy to see the white one as I haven’t seen many white butterflies lately, mostly orange/black. But I’m not complaining, a butterfly is a butterfly;) they always make me think of you

    “Dusk till dawn” xoxox

    3 people found this helpful
  8. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    1 November 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hello Friend,

    I don't have those 6 friends you mentioned, I'm pretty sure ... what do I do?!! 😰 I reckon I have a couple of people who cover a few of them though (including you).

    I thought you'd get the reference to tribe, hoped I wasn't being presumptuous.

    Thanks for your message elsewhere (doom), I haven't had much to say there but I might post there soon, I did have some thoughts on the issue, but don't want to take up space when I don't need it, I think you'll understand.

    Must visit SN for the same message.

    I get that you're tired, i really do. I'm tired too.

    We'll be ok. We'll get there. ❤

    🌻birdy

    2 people found this helpful
  9. demonblaster
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    demonblaster avatar
    7796 posts
    7 November 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Precious Peppystar and lovely people also precious 🤗

    I always as mentioned am reading hun.

    As Birdy said we'll get there. It's in us Peps. Unlocking the blocks and working out how to use our complex powerful brains in our favor.

    So the time has come my lovely patient friend

    Dear Peppystar ❤🖤💟 my apologies for the long wait for your prezzy, in my defense it's very hard getting good help these days and when it comes to renovating & building a great friend here's a Grandmaster at mechanical and doctoring only.. so yip you guessed it..I had to be Jill of all trades but hey quick learner 😁 like I am I found this 💣closest I could get to a wrecking ball and boy does it clear the room ..whats that...oh 😶didn't I mention we had to make some minor changes to your house...⛺...umm...🙄 ...sowwy...It's ok lovey relax Grandmaster did a building course last night so I have help 👨‍🔧
    Okay so very carefully just gently hold one edge at a time of the 🎀 and extremely slowly...yes best to hold your breath...very delicate cargo in the box...open it up..thatta girl ...don't worry about how it's pulsing and the multi coloured lights bursting through the cracks...🎼seeping out.. oh before you go any further lovely Peps you might like to change into some casual relaxed fit new clothes I bought you 👕👖👢...ok lookin good and ready to go...🥁... rightio...in your tiny🎁 box there's 👓🕶🎨📌🖌🖍✒✏🍦🥚🍳🌯🍡☕🍼🎂🍽🍾🍸🍬 🐶🦄 🐪 🐎 🦁 🐖🐐 🐨 🐘🐥🐢🦋 🐞 🐜🌹🌱⚘🌲☘🌿🍃🖼🚔 🚜 🛵 🚛 🛫🛏✨⛅🌟🔥🌈🤗😄😆😎🤔😲😨🕊🥇🎉🎈❤🖤💟💗🤝👀💜👂🏻
    I know it's not much 😁but hey..it's the thought ☺ oh and nearly forgot 🍫..for laters...
    📞 oh you wouldn't believe it... just when the main event was about to start I have to sort out some delays in getting the cargo here bbl lovely one 🤗😁

    Hope your days going well hun I'm just going to sweat up a storm on 🚴‍♂️ then out.






    2 people found this helpful
  10. startingnew
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    startingnew avatar
    5861 posts
    7 November 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hi dear Peps,

    Im so glad youve been seeing some butterflies, ive been seeing a few little willywag tails. im sure one was following me the other day. i left it a few breadcrumbs and was quite happy for it.

    How've you been? How are things going with therapy? im sorry i havent been here as much as i want to be. i can imagine you may have some similar feelings to me after reading another thread- youll know which one

    love, hugs and many butterfly wishes

    Dusk till Dawn

    xoxoxoxoxoxox

    2 people found this helpful
  11. startingnew
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    startingnew avatar
    5861 posts
    8 November 2018 in reply to startingnew

    HI Dear Peps,

    i wanted to come in and share something with you if that ok. Earlier today, i ended up going out for a little bit, i wasnt sure where i was going but i remembered our conversation the other day about the beach. so i went there. the weather isnt the greatest here today so i stayed in the car but while i was there i got to see a beautiful rainbow. rainbows are one of my favourite things so i was lucky enough to be thinking of you while i seen the rainbow

    💖🖤💌🌈

    sending much love and hugs oh and guess what.. some of these ..🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋 i just found out my computer actually has emojis! my phone doesnt have butterflies but my comp does so ill send you some of those too.

    Dusk till Dawn

    BW

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

    2 people found this helpful
  12. Peppermintbach
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Peppermintbach avatar
    4566 posts
    9 November 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hi lovely people,

    Thank you for all the kind messages :)

    Beautiful birdy (fellow tribesperson): Hello, dear friend. lol, I don’t think that list of 6 friends is meant to be exhaustive or applicable to all, but it did resonate with me. Everyone has different needs from their friends, but it sure was a fun read!

    In any case, I don’t think most people have those 6 key qualities in their friends, and if they do, they’re pretty lucky in my opinion :) I certainly don’t have most of those qualities in my offline circle. You certainly cover a few of those too, dear friend.

    About that thread, don’t even worry about it. Just when and if you want to write. I will say this though, you’re allowed to take up space both here or offline, and you don’t need anyone’s permission ;) Sending you hugs and much love, our more than enough friend xoxox

    Wonderful DB: thank you so very much for the many, many, many prezzies :) Your post made me laugh.

    All the trouble you went to to jam everything into that “small” box. I’m glad Grandy was your building assistant...although was asking her to take a building course necessary to put up a...tent...for me? Lol!

    That is one multi-functional box...you have everything in there! Four leaf clovers, star, ice-cream...

    Thank you again for your beautiful heart and your generosity xoxo

    Darling Wild Wings: It’s always a blessing to see your Wings flutter across this thread :) It’s okay, don’t even stress about it...there’s absolutely nothing to apologise for...

    I’m happy you’re seeing more silly wagtails. They always seem to brighten your day :) I bet they’re happy to see you too.

    Thanks so much for sharing the beach story. I’m so glad you saw the rainbow...yes, not only do I send my blessings via thunderstorms (or willy wagtails and blue butterflies when I feel like being more subtle and classy lol), apparently my “empire” is expanding to rainbows now too ;) Right, and choccies are also part of my empire...

    Thank you so much for thinking of me. I’ve a lot going on in the offline realm. A range of things/issues. Therapy is going okay...

    About the other thread, I have long accepted things, and I wish her well :)

    Squishy hugs to you and much love. “Dusk till dawn” xoxox

    Pepper xoxo

    3 people found this helpful
  13. startingnew
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    startingnew avatar
    5861 posts
    11 November 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Hi Peps


    you seem to send me your wonderful blessings at the times I need them the most like when im feeling sad or alone. You have a rather large empire growing!


    Your in my thoughts very often and wondering how your going and how lifes treating you, I hope that your able to reduce your stressors offline soon so you can breathe a little easier. Im also glad therapys going ok. I worry about you so to know youve got some support offline helps abit.


    How was your weekend? Did you manage to do anything nice for yourself at all? Any artworks lately?


    Sending love, hugs and many butterfly wishes
    xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
    3 people found this helpful
  14. Peppermintbach
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Peppermintbach avatar
    4566 posts
    21 November 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hi lovely people,

    Darling Butterfly Wings: Thank you for your beautiful company and presence. Your comment about my expanding empire made me laugh. Here, take some free choccie bars from that empire ;)

    Last weekend was an emotional one for a whole range of reasons. When you’re used to drinking then suddenly going for a couple of days without is hard...and painful.

    I haven’t been in the mood to do anything artsy. Though I do have an art thing to attend in early Dec, but of course my first thought was about the complimentary drinks there. Trust me to think of that. Lol.

    A warm hug to you. Always grateful for your love :) “Dusk till dawn” xoxox

    All: I have been learning how to better challenge people around me (in my offline realm), and I have my reasons for it. I think it’s important...

    But it’s actually a really difficult skill to learn, because it’s hard to do it tactfully and respectfully, yet also remain attuned to the communication style and circumstances of whoever the “audience” happens to be at the time.

    Sigh, it’s a learning process...I feel there’s no point challenging ideas/people if it ends up worsening matters...it can be a fine line for me to tread...

    There are times when I choose to walk away from a discussion whereas other times, I’ll engage to varying degrees. Selective with my time and efforts, given the circumstances and people involved.

    In short, I’m slowly becoming more comfortable with the idea that I don’t think it’s my “job” to make others feel comfortable if their views are discriminatory or prejudiced in nature...

    The thing is I don’t challenge ideas or people just for the sake of it, or because I have nothing better to do. I can think of infinitely more “fun” things to do...

    I only do it if I feel strongly about something, feel certain people could do with a little “push” (so to speak), feel that they’re overlooked something vital or that their views are inherently discriminatory against a group of people. As I said, I don’t challenge people “just because”...I always have a reason.

    So, that’s just little update :) Thanks for all the love and support xoxo


    3 people found this helpful
  15. demonblaster
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    demonblaster avatar
    7796 posts
    21 November 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hi dear Peppystar 🤗 want you to be happy darlin and good on you challenging when you feel strongly on something. This isnt about me here but I can relate to so much you said. I'm so mixed with what I say to who as you mentioned and depending on my frame of mind. I'm unsure whether a lot of throw away comments are me taking them the wrong way which is one of my manys' to be more mindful of and try and work out.Tact I try but it doesn't come naturally. I'm surprised for you because you strike me as a very tactful person.

    So glad you laughed, its actually going to end up in 3 parts like ap apprentice Grandy is doing for mine. I've pretty much got part 2 ready but waiting, dont want to bombard you. Each gift is part of the 🎁 😆 would you believe ☺

    Your empires certainly are impressive 😆 but well excuse meeee... giving away freebies I see...mmm... 🤔... must have a word with Grandys magnet 😄

    Peps I care as many do very much about you and hope your offline world settles sooner than later. Amongst many here I'm learning from you which is one of the many things I love about here, people talking and working on their problems, their experiences helps others in the process.

    You're a beautiful person dear lady, one day I hope you'll see what we do in yourself.

    Many outstanding hugs for when you need them lovey. Peace 🕊 wished dear friend 🤗

    Same for everyone here 🕊⚘

    3 people found this helpful
  16. Peppermintbach
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Peppermintbach avatar
    4566 posts
    21 November 2018 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all the other caring people here),

    Thank you so much for your incredibly supportive post. All those super soul hugs are happily accepted :)

    I’m not 100% sure if we are talking about the same thing. I’ve a feeling while there may be some overlap, we might be talking about different topics?

    I think you were talking perhaps more about relationships. Whereas I was referring more to discrimination/prejudices in a general sense...

    In any case, I think in terms of relationships with family, friends, etc, it depends on the throwaway lines & context. I feel sometimes it’s okay to challenge, but other times, letting things go might be the wiser option.

    I don’t think every detail/throwaway line needs to be discussed or analysed. Selectivity and sensitivity. But ultimately, I suppose it’s all circumstantial...no real definitive answer there...

    I’m hesitant to post the next part, but I feel it’s important that I raise this, especially as I come from a CALD background...

    I wasn’t necessarily talking about interpersonal relationships. I was talking more about how raising issues related to discrimination/prejudice will inevitably ruffle a few feathers, regardless of how tactful. But just because those topics make some people feel uncomfortable, it doesn’t mean that they should not be discussed.

    I feel avoiding topics about discrimination/prejudice because it makes some people feel “uncomfortable” has the consequence of silencing the experiences/narratives of the very people who are subjected to those prejudices (i.e. already marginalised). So I think it can be a double whammy...not only do they have to deal with existing prejudices/discrimination because of something that is beyond their control, but then they might also be forced into “silence” as well for someone else’s “comfort.”

    E.g. CALD communities trying to talk about xenophhobia, people who identify as LGBTI+ trying to challenge heteronormative narratives or any other minority group trying to get their voices heard/accepted...

    Sigh, I’m a little over it. Still reflecting and finding my place...just feeling uneasy...

    I’m looking forward to part 2 of my present. It must be very special as you’ve your no. 2 apprentice helping out again (sorry Grandy, I still insist I’m DB’s no. 1 student lol). But are you sure you’ll have enough emojis for part 2? Lol ;)

    A loving thank you for reading + all the love & support :) It means a lot...

    Much love and super soul hugs,

    Peppystar xoxo

    2 people found this helpful
  17. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    22 November 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hello my friend,

    Being around people can be such a pain in the bottom.

    I used to think I was a people-person, now, I'm not so sure .... (kinda kidding, kinda not ...) ... I've said before to you that that fine line you mention (the line between speaking your truth with tact and diplomacy vs. causing a general catastrophe) is not something I've perfected at all, but seriously, when I step out into the social world, I feel that is my life. Cue wanting to stay home and drink wine in my little cocoon.

    I can very much relate to your frustrations being in the company of people in which your values diverge from theirs. I think it's brave and important to speak up against rubbish. In a lot of ways, to be silent is to be complicit. But it is very difficult, and uncomfortable.

    I know what you mean about wanting to hold your tongue if it will "worsen matters", and sometimes it can be the right thing to do. But sometimes, even if it worsens matters temporarily, you never know what seeds of change you've sown in someone's mind. For the better, long term.

    I don't think you should hesitate to talk to about matters of importance here on your thread, or anywhere. Your sense of justice and wanting to use your voice for marginalised groups is a treasure, and a powerful gift.

    Use it.

    Own it.

    Let your light shine.

    Love,

    🌻birdy

    3 people found this helpful
  18. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    9811 posts
    22 November 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hello Gentle Peppy....

    I sit back a lot....well...all the time in speaking what’s on my mind, because of one main reason fear......I think a lot of people say nothing at all when something really needs to be said. Maybe it an idea they have, a suggestion, an observation, but for some reason they don't speak up, I think maybe like me afraid of hurting another person...Sometimes it might seem like the wiser choice is to stay silent, but by doing this your not being true to

    No one else has your unique mind and with a little discretion and thought, you will be able to bring value into conversations, your thoughts are very important to put out their....People might not automatically agree/understand you and your values, ambitions, and ideas when you are quiet.... I mean if you don’t speak your thoughts/ideas to them they stay hidden and people won’t know what your thinking unless you voice them...

    You may not be alone in your way of thinking. It could be really possible that your thoughts and ideas has also been thought of by some of the other people..they might be thinking in the same way as you are...but they might be also be unwilling to speak up, out of fear...By speaking your mind you will be encouraging them to voice their opinions as well. If everyone holds back on speaking their thoughts, ideas etc..because of fear of upsetting someone, I feel that nothing can be gained by doing so..

    Peppy...I read somewhere that “one of the easiest things in this word is to be ourselves”...., but I think that’s becoming increasing difficult if we want to fit in with others, and that’s wrong, being ourselves should really be so easy...you should be able to speak and challenge people without feeling uncomfortable....

    Please dear gentle Peppy, always remain the beautiful, warm hearted, caring, gentle and confident person you are.....We love you for who you are to us, your thoughts, your word, your gentlelness, you give of an aura of peace in your words when you post....

    “ Don’t let others box you into their idea of what they think you should be. A confined identity is a miserable way to exist. Be you and live free. Trust that in living true to yourself, you will attract people that support and love you, just as you are.”– Jaeda deWalt

    Sending you lots hugs and love Peppy..💜🤗....

    Grandy..

    3 people found this helpful
  19. Peppermintbach
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Peppermintbach avatar
    4566 posts
    22 November 2018 in reply to Birdy77

    Hi lovely people,

    There’s a part of me that’s thinking, “why on earth did I decide it was a good idea do bring this up on my thread?” Sigh...

    But I think that I did because it’s been bugging me for a long time...

    beautiful birdy: as always, your understanding, insight and acceptance is a blessing. Thank you so very much, my friend :)

    Sigh, yes, your home cocoon does sound very safe. A protective bubble...but sometimes I do wonder if you would like to venture out of that cocoon just a little more...

    I think minimising waste is a value. I think showing compassion to a person’s “neighbour” is a value. Etc, etc. But I don’t think any form of discrimination can be considered a “value”...I can dress it up and dress it down, but ultimately, I think it hurts people...

    In an ideal world, none of us would even be having this conversation. But that’s not the world we live in....i feel ignoring/avoiding “uncomfortable” issues only helps those who do the discriminating and further hurts those who are subjected to it.

    I get that individual circumstances vary, and that for some people there are genuine roadblocks, but I’m speaking broadly here :)

    I think we each have a potential role to play. Perhaps we will each play different roles, but that potential is there. I think many more of us need to tap into that potential...

    I feel more of us could learn to use that discomfort and all those difficult feelings as a form of positive power for doing better/being better. To do what I like to always go on about..to act...to do...to help.

    I think every single one of us can do that, but the willingness to explore that discomfort (and channel it into positive action) varies from person to person...

    But that’s enough of my musings...how have you been, dear friend? Sending you warm hugs, much love and comfort xoxox

    Gorgeous Grandy: how lovely to see you here. Thank you so much for your wonderful insight :)

    Yes, I think you’re right about people not speaking up out of fear. I agree that that plays a huge role. I think it’s also a fear of “rocking the boat”/ being the “difficult person.”

    Or fearing rejection from loved ones...but if any relationship can’t withstand a difficult conversation or 2, it does make you wonder if it was stable or healthy enough to begin with...

    For me, it’s not necessarily self expression or “me.” It’s about making it known that discriminatory practices/behaviour is not okay...

    Thank you for reading and responding. It means a lot. Love and comfort xoxo

    2 people found this helpful
  20. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    23 November 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hello friend 😊,

    Do you feel frustrated with my recent reply to you? Did I misinterpret what you were trying to express?

    I know I mentioned divergent values, and I 100% agree with you that discriminatory and prejudicial mindsets are not values. I think you know where I stand on such things, but I'm really sorry if I annoyed you with my reply, or got the gist of it wrong.

    I totally agree that it's important to speak up against injustice, prejudice and discrimination. 109% all the time!!!

    Was there a situation that occurred that you wanted to share? I kinda had one that I was going to tell you but it didn't totally fit with your theme.

    I'm interested to hear about your experiences.

    dear friend ❤❤❤

    I am good and not-good ... all at once!! Yay multi-tasking!!

    This comes with my love,

    🌻birdy xoxo

    2 people found this helpful
  21. Peppermintbach
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Peppermintbach avatar
    4566 posts
    23 November 2018 in reply to Birdy77

    Hello beautiful friend,

    I am really sorry, beautiful birdy . Please forgive me...

    I hope that I haven’t upset you, and if I have, I’m truly sorry. The last thing that I would want to do is hurt you...you who have always supported me, always encouraged me to speak up, always accepted me...

    My friend, I absolutely know where you stand, and I know you have the biggest heart. I wasn’t frustrated or annoyed...it’s just that I was worried there might be potential readers who accidentally stumble upon this thread, and end up accidentally misinterpreting things...hence my response.

    I 100% know that you don’t think any form of discrimination is a “value” (and I never thought otherwise about your views). I hope that I’m making sense now... I’m deeply sorry....

    My background... I’m the daughter of migrant parents (mixed heritage). English is not my first language (bilingual). At school, classmates used to often make fun of my native tongue around me e.g. mimic the language in a very offensive way.

    When I was still a teen in my first job, a customer came to the shop counter and looked around for help. She completely ignored me (even though I was right in from of her). So I offered my assistance, she snapped “oh, I didn’t know you could speak English.” Etc, etc.

    So, I used to be so ashamed of my cultural heritage. As a child, I mistakenly thought my heritage was the issue. But it wasn’t...the issue was the discrimination itself...

    But as a young kid, you don’t necessarily realise that, so you blame yourself...you internalise other people’s fear and hate, so I blamed the colour of my skin and that of my parents’...

    Even though I feel like I say this far too often, I have been worried about you. I only worry because I care about your wellbeing. There’s no need to talk if you don’t want to, but just know my hand of friendship is always extended...an open offer ;)

    About the situation you referred to... I want you to know that your stories/experiences are always most welcome on this thread or anywhere else on the forums.

    It would be my honour to hear about the situation you referred to, regardless of whether you feel it’s directly related to my “theme” or not. I would welcome and encourage it...

    A big hug from me plus a heartfelt apology and much love...

    Pepper xoxox

    2 people found this helpful
  22. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14285 posts
    23 November 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    pepper,

    I always enjoy reading your posts but am saddened by the discrimination you put up with as a child and I assume still do.

    I was discrimated against because of my religion and couldn’t u derstand why complete strangers would say horrible things to me.

    since I had experienced this prejudice I did not want anyone else to experience this so I would stand up for people who could not stand up for themselves. seeing another person suffering discrimination was worse than myself being discriminated.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts and beliefs on this thread.

    Kind thoughts

    Quirky

    3 people found this helpful
  23. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    24 November 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hello dear friend,

    You didn't upset me. I just wanted to make sure I hadn't annoyed you or frustrated you or misinterpreted you. Your explanation of your reply made complete sense.

    I am so very sorry that you have been subjected to ugly discrimination & narrow-mindedness. To grow up feeling shamed for your heritage, while those shaming you walk around in their ugly cloud of superiority.

    My partner is also the daughter of migrant parents. When she started school, she was the only one who spoke a language other than English & they teased her. So after her first day, she made the decision, as her strong little 5 year old self, to never speak Spanish, ever again.

    Of course she regrets that now. Being bilingual is such a valuable skill. But she wanted to fit in & be like her peers & not be laughed at. Now she can only speak what she calls Spanglish (& her family & spanish speaking friends laugh at her. Can't win).

    Perversely, her own grandmother (mixed heritage) was prejudiced. When visiting Australia from her country in South America, when my partner was a small girl, she would take my partner out to the park or the shops, but would leave my partner's sister at home because her sister had darker skin (they have mixed heritage including indigenous South American, Italian, Spanish) and the grandmother wanted to be seen walking with a "white" child. How disgusting is that? So completely confusing for little growing people.

    Like Quirky said, I think having been subjected to discrimination can open a strong sense of wanting to fight for the rights of others, & puts one in a uniquely empathic position of compassion (the verb) through advocating for social justice. You have a powerful platform of experience from which to shine your beautiful light.

    I do like my cocoon my friend. Sometimes i get tired of the world. In my cocoon i can be me without question. For example, I have to "come out" pretty much on a daily basis out in the world (always asked about my husband etc), and it gets boring. I have it pretty good, but sometimes I get a bit tired of that sort of thing.

    I am not doing so well really, at the moment. I am not coping with a bunch stuff. I have a few little worries & my anxiety is taking me to catastrophe in the blink of an eye. Losing my brother so suddenly this year has exacerbated that sort of thing for me.

    I will talk about that situation i mentioned another time. I'm out of characters.

    I just feel like curling up in a ball.

    My love,

    🌻birdy

    2 people found this helpful
  24. demonblaster
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    demonblaster avatar
    7796 posts
    24 November 2018 in reply to Birdy77

    Arms outstretched loving and warm belonging hugs to you Peps and Birdy your both beautiful people

    Love you both very much 🤗🤗💗🤝

    2 people found this helpful
  25. Peppermintbach
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Peppermintbach avatar
    4566 posts
    24 November 2018 in reply to demonblaster

    Lovely Quirky: What a blessing to see you here :)

    Your empathy means a lot. I treasure that...thank you so very much...

    I would think it must have been painful (& confusing) for you to have been subjected to those awful remarks because of your religion, especially at such a young age too. I agree with you that being on the receiving end of discrimination often means a heightened sense of empathy for others’ plight...it’s an instinctive understanding. A recognition of sorts...

    But as birdy said, the silver lining is that it has helped fuel a desire in you to advocate for the marginalised....and that is truly precious :) xoxo

    beautiful birdy: Thank you so much for your deeply compassionate post. Thank you also for sharing some of your partner’s experiences here :)

    I felt a deep sense of loss for her. I think it’s sad when it pushes a child to reject parts of her own heritage/herself (e.g. language) to fit in, or just to stop the teasing...I really feel for her...she sounds like she was a very determined little girl.

    I think a key reason that I’ve retained my native language is because I spoke it on & off at home. But out of shame & embarrassment, I refused to speak it at school (or in any other public setting).

    I think that is what shame can do. It often leads to either a form of (self) rejection (e.g. language/other aspects of a culture) and/or you hide parts of yourself from the world...

    About her grandmother’s prejudice, I agree with you that it would be very confusing for a child. Both for her & her sister. I can only imagine how her sister must have felt...

    Your cocoon does indeed sound very nurturing & safe. A place of freedom & authenticity for you...peace...

    I’m very sorry about the loss of your brother. I think to lose a loved one so unexpectedly can really shake a person up. Pulls the rug out from under you, and unravels your sense of stability & safety...

    Then again, maybe you’re not feeling those things, & I’m going on about something unrelateable...

    I wish that I could say something to comfort you in your anxious cycle, but all I can is that I care very much & that you’re loved deeply by us here (plus of course, by your partner/soulmate).

    I want you to know it’s okay to crawl into a ball...it’s okay to honour your grief...your feelings are allowed space...do whatever you need to do.

    With love xoxox

    Wonderful DB: I felt your belonging hugs from your soul to mine. You’re a treasure...

    Thank you for warming my heart.

    Love xoxo

    2 people found this helpful
  26. startingnew
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    startingnew avatar
    5861 posts
    27 November 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    thinking of you always Peps and sending heaps of love and hugs (and of course butterflies) xoxoxoxoxoxo

    2 people found this helpful
  27. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    9811 posts
    27 November 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hello Gentle Peppy,..hello Deebi, Starts, Birdy.. Auirky and all..

    I am really sorry that happened to you...I don’t know what to say to you, to be of much help...but I wanted you to know how sorry I am that you had to go through the unkindness of some of the children at your school, and the horrible way that customer spoke to you....it really is very sad that people don’t treat and respect each other equally..

    I so much want to give you a very comfy and warm hug, and just sit by your side tonight...and gently but firmly hold your hand.....

    I bought you a beautiful candle that sits in the middle of a large glass bowl, with some succulent surrounding it, the candle is the colour of fresh grass just afterthought earth has been washed by the heavens...scented with lemon tea tree oil to give you a peaceful sleep tonight..

    I would also like to give you a small hamper, of fresh fruit..sparkling apple juice.. a picnic rug, a book of art and a a golden bookmark, that has a 🍀 four leaf clover embedded in the Gold in a beautiful green enamel..

    I hope you are feeling better then okay lovely lady, and I hope you sleep peacefully tonight and dream of some of Start’s beautiful butterfly’s circling all around your gentle soul...that she has given you...

    Love and gentle warm hugs..💜🤗..

    Grandy👼...

    3 people found this helpful
  28. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    28 November 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Dear Friend,

    What you wrote is so true, what shame can do, causing us to reject parts of ourselves, or at least hide them from the world and sometimes from ourselves.

    I am really glad that you continued to speak your native tongue at home, to retain that part of your heritage. I am so sorry you felt that need to hide it in public, and I truly hope that that is in your past, that you now speak freely.

    Although it sounds like you've had some challenging social situations lately ...

    Thank you for the reminder that it's ok to curl up if that's what's needed.

    I am residing in Struggleville at the moment.

    How have you been this week my friend?

    This comes with love to you from me,

    🌻birdy xo

    Dear Deebs: thank you so, so much for your heartfelt message and beautiful extended arms full of understanding and love. You are, as Pepper said, a treasure. Thank you ❤ 🌻tweety

    2 people found this helpful
  29. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    28 November 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Oopsy, forgot to say that although you think you don't know what to say to comfort me in this anxious cycle of mine, your words already do comfort me. To know you care very much and that you have loving open arms means more than you know. Thank you my friend. xo
    2 people found this helpful
  30. Peppermintbach
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Peppermintbach avatar
    4566 posts
    28 November 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hi lovely people,

    Darling Butterfly Wings: Your generous love, hugs, butterflies and kind thoughts are all welcome with 2 open arms here.

    Thank you so very much :) Much love to you and many hugs. “Dusk till dawn” xoxox

    Gorgeous Grandy: Your loving presence and listening is help enough :) Please don’t doubt yourself, lovely one...

    Your hugs and company are all very much appreciated by me. I’ll gratefully accept both ;)

    I’m certainly very lucky. Look at all those prezzies I’m receiving! Maybe we can all share the treats in that hamper that you gifted me. Lots of tasty goodies in there :)

    That golden bookmark will be perfect for me to keep my place when going through that art book. Thank you very much, Grandy. Love and care to you xoxo

    Dear friend/beautiful birdy: Thank so very much for understanding where I’m coming from with feelings of shame and rejection. That means a lot. Your compassion, kindness and friendship is something I hold close to heart :)

    Sorry, maybe I’ve missed or forgotten something, but can I please ask what you mean by challenging social situations? The answer is probably staring me in the face (lol), but I might misinterpret or misunderstand, so it’s probably best that I ask ;)

    Oh dear birdy, I feel sad that you’re still struggling. You have such a beautiful heart and kind spirit...how I wish the sadness and anxiety would just ease up.

    Despite your own vast struggles, you still reach out to so many us here with your comforting words...your generosity and compassion are 2 of your greatest gifts...thank you

    You deserve the world, my friend...that is my wish for you. For you and your partner, the world :)

    Sigh, I’m admittedly a little hungover and I’ve had about 4 hours of sleep. Feeling a tad nauseous & dehydrated, so I’ve had 1L of water this morning. Lol.

    Been having a rough time for a whole range of reasons, so turning to alcohol...it’s never the one thing that bothers me. It’s always a combination of things is what wears me down...sighs

    A big hug from me, sending you comforting thoughts and much love xoxox

    Thank you all :)

    Pepper xoxo

    2 people found this helpful

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up