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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Surviving: Being in a better place

Topic: Surviving: Being in a better place

  1. demonblaster
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    10 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    (Rock)Starwolf

    Quote from Sapphire

    Oh no I hope Starwolf recovers, she has been a great support to me on here and I appreciate her words of advice.

    Xx

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  2. Mathy
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    10 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hey DB,

    Sparrow Update

    This relationship is definitely a goer. He’s not crying and I see them together a lot. 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

    Here’s hoping some news of ‘Wolf comes soon, bestest to you, cheers M :)

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  3. demonblaster
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    10 November 2017 in reply to Mathy

    😅 haha happies, thx Maths 👌woohoo & he's not crying the dear wee thing, a few birds mate for life aye

    Thx Maths yeah be good to know what's happening with our lovely wolf.

    Here that wolf (Rock Star) You're cared about & missed.

    Hav good night lovelies 😚

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  4. Peppermintbach
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    11 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi DB,

    I also send my Kind thoughts to Star.

    I know you’re missing her so much and think of her very often. there is clearly a special place reserved for her in your heart.

    Warm soul hugs,

    Pepper xoxo

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  5. demonblaster
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    11 November 2017 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Yeah Peps, really mssing her darl, worried

    Hope you're coping ok sweet xx

    Thankyou 😚

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  6. Peppermintbach
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    11 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    (((hugs)))

    Pepper xoxo

  7. demonblaster
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    11 November 2017 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Back atcha girl xx
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  8. demonblaster
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    12 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    SURVIVAL;

    So a tthought's only a thought till we think more on it & go with feelings (emotions)

    I'm lonely is a thought or fact. When we think more ..how we feel about that if we think that makes me sad, (emotion) & accept it we feel down....IF... we go with it. What about yeah I am, how can I change it, improve on, if cant change move on. Accept. Constructive thinking, an alternative to one directional thinking

    Self pity is one of depressions (the beast) majors, our choice is to go down with negatives or change our responses to thoughts

    Acknowledge yes, allow options with our reactions. Depression wants us to feel down, we don't have to do what it wants.

    We have strength too.

    Belief... vital

    Pain avalanches, we can get back up but its harder the lower we go.

    Worth a go

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  9. Peppermintbach
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    12 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi DB,

    You write with such passion and spirit...

    Thanks for sharing your personal thoughts on depression and loneliness. It’s an interesting take on things...your heart is in the right place.

    Soul hugs,

    Pepper xoxo

  10. demonblaster
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    12 November 2017 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Thankyou dear dear Peps, i value your friendship & support.

    You're amazing xx

    Rock-Starwolf. Soooo hard not knowing lady. I don't say for the sake of saying, REALLY missing you, crying at times, so worried. Thinking bout you sooo much.

    Love & thankyou both from heart xx

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  11. Mathy
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    12 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hey DB.

    Lonely? It’s a state of mind, usually based on what society thinks you need to be not lonely.

    Each individual has their own definition of “lonely”, some people can be in a relationship and still be lonely. Some people can have a never ending list of friends and still feel lonely. Some who live alone, don’t feel lonely at all.

    You’ve lost a love partner, so feeling lonely is natural. You’re missing ‘Wolf who offered wisdom and support, ditto.

    What do you need to feel NOT lonely? That’s the real question to ask and answer,

    Bestest and hugs, cheers M :)

    demonblaster said:

    SURVIVAL;

    So a tthought's only a thought till we think more on it & go with feelings (emotions)

    I'm lonely is a thought or fact. When we think more ..how we feel about that if we think that makes me sad, (emotion) & accept it we feel down....IF... we go with it. What about yeah I am, how can I change it, improve on, if cant change move on. Accept. Constructive thinking, an alternative to one directional thinking

    Self pity is one of depressions (the beast) majors, our choice is to go down with negatives or change our responses to thoughts

    Acknowledge yes, allow options with our reactions. Depression wants us to feel down, we don't have to do what it wants.

    We have strength too.

    Belief... vital

    Pain avalanches, we can get back up but its harder the lower we go.

    Worth a go

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  12. demonblaster
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    12 November 2017 in reply to Mathy

    Thanks lovely Maths

    Biggly hugs back atcha 😚

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  13. Mathy
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    15 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hey DB,

    Where are ya??

    What’s happening? 😊 👍👍 😼😹🐳🌴🎂🍮🍭

    And because today was a special day 🌈🌈 !!!!

    cheers M :)

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  14. demonblaster
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    16 November 2017 in reply to Mathy

    Some people touch ya aye Maths, you just did, thankyou xx

    Still here hun if not here on other threads supporting or yakkin but wanted to check in with Wolf (Rock Star) so was gunna land here today ☺xx

    Been busy different groups socially lately, been good, i need to make more regular social interacts with friends, intermittent depression keeps arms distance aye tho usually see bods around but not enough at times

    SURVIVAL; Not sure think im going into BP mania, looks like might be mixed episode again, up & down, all over shop but we'll see, pretty sure i'm starting to have breakthroughs with it all, been up & down, mini lows in between cycles usually ok, hacking it all nothing to power of BP lows so happies. I'll do same as last, hard self talk not to go with the downs. See how it blows.

    Hope your'e settling into your better shifts & happy, was it a special day for you? Good to hear, do tell ☺

    Thx Maths (soul hugs, you a hugger? )

    ROCKStar; I know you don't want me to worry, you said you're at peace as I said WIN to you, BUT it's hurting Rock, you mean so much to me & others too, i knew from the amount of likes to your posts (helpfuls) & comments. You're Gold, high quality lady Rock.

    I cant leave it too long not talking to you, scared you may think ive forgotten you, NOT EVER GUNNA HAPPEN, & seriously thinking bout you so often. Daily + +

    From some stuff you said here I fear we may not see you again, crying as talking. I hope thats not the case, & that you stil are keeping an eye on us as you were before. Security thankyou for everything Rock

    I so hope you're getting excellent care & know you're so appreciated by many & loved

    Whopping (( soul hugs)). Holding your hand too xxxxx

    Wish I could do something for you, two way St.

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  15. demonblaster
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    16 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    STATUS,/survival

    God since posting above this morning when moods been intermittently low, its slamming atm. I'm not gunna give in to it... says she with tears streaming but just need to have a heaving hard cry instead of these piddle farty bits

    Have few times worked on acknowledging then not allowing emotion to tag on, allowing distraction, looking around thinking about anything but the actual feeling of being low the emotion, working til next observation of feeling low

    Definately goin into cycle woke at 6.30am brain started thinking, have over yrs got it down to thinking without unbelievable speed like in typee 1 manias, sometimes depending on excitement & pump it goes rapidly but mostly its been down to controlling the excitement that just realised would have lot to do with the energy, maybe an outlet for abundant energy

    This is part of what i love about mania, the mind opens up, this depression is the before which most have before, i have it both before & wayyyy low after on coming down, physically & mentally

    Anyway gotta fight the good fight, it CAN be done our brains are VERY powerful,we're the drivers

    Thx listening

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  16. Peppermintbach
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    16 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Oh our beautiful, big hearted DB,

    Cry away, sometimes life calls for the big, wallowing, hiccuping cries. “Pretty” dainty cries have their place too but not today...and that’s more than okay ;) Let it out. Maybe think of your tears as a form of emotional cleansing.

    I don’t know too much about Bipolar cycling but it sounds pretty intense to me. I would think, not that I would know personally, the highs and lows must be very draining.

    Anyway gotta fight the good fight, it CAN be done our brains are VERY powerful,we're the drivers

    I can see why Starwolf took a shine to you, and that you connected so well with her. That above line is something that I bet Star would be very proud of you for that mentality. I remember her often talking about “mind over matter”...okay not quite in those words but you get what I mean, I’m sure.

    I know you’re missing her immensely. Like I once said, you love deeply and feel deeply for your friends. Also, I’m glad you have lovely Mathy supporting you too :)

    Caring thoughts,

    Pepper xoxo

  17. demonblaster
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    16 November 2017 in reply to Peppermintbach

    My dear compassionate loyal friend Peps, said it before & mean it, sooo glad to have met you, was thinking of you on my walk actually just before, hoping things can change for the better for you, I think you've been doing it hard a long time aye Oh & meant to return soul hugs to you on our dear Starts (brave Wings) thread but posted then remembered but knew id see ya round the traps, always souls for you, never intentionally ignore you soz darl xx

    So often you zero in on things, bang on target, thanks yeah had some bigger cries but these lady ( chook yes ..lady nah lol) dainties not cleansing & can't get it happening but need to exactly for that, agree they're cleansing. Crying's an outlet of emotion, more often stress & pain, exhausting but healthy i think

    You also often move me Peps, thx for saying that about Starwolf (Rock) that truly meant a lot. Helped bring some moisture out of eyes ☺ in good way 🤗

    Peps its hurting hard not knowing. Hurting anyway cause hate she's sick & can't do something for her but couple things she said, making me think ?, whatever's going on she's in a bad way, she'd be here if she could, i so hope at least she can see how much she's cared about by so many & the things you've said to her have been exceptional & from heart.Again deeply moving,was so proud to hear how you spoke of her

    Do you know what a beautiful soul you are? If not you really need to look at yourself from objective stance & believe in yourself, depression the mutt takes self worth away & everything else. Im just starting to believe in myself & liking, wow can take a lifetime but a win over depression big, we need to, we spend every living second with ourselves in life.

    Mathy's magic aye, happy to have met them too.

    There's mongrels out there but there's amazing real decent people too, i believe 75 + % are good. Gotta stay that way & improve.

    Not religious but depression's evil.

    We can win, we've got intelligence, just gotta work it out.

    Doable

    Thanks lovely, you're a real gem & light... souls anytime, feel the energy xxx 😚

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  18. Mathy
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    17 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster
    demonblaster said:

    *snip*

    Hope your'e settling into your better shifts & happy, was it a special day for you? Good to hear, do tell ☺

    Thx Maths (soul hugs, you a hugger? )

    Hi DB,

    15/11/2017 was a special rainbow day due to the announcement of the vote for SSM.

    And yes, I’m a hugger - so here’s a bunch of hugs for you *hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* Lol :)

    I see you’re having a struggle at the moment. I am listening - couple of extra hugs for you :) M xx

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  19. demonblaster
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    17 November 2017 in reply to Mathy

    You got some serious magic happening Maths, thankyou yeah good i love affection & these hugs aren't those piddly oh god i have to hug someone jobs they're soul jobs (( souls)) xx oooh & kisses too, i dont charge much 😆 ha ha loven that smiley, sassy as

    Thx yeah crap day but stoked cause fought hard & feeling bit better, can stil muck around talk & joke I thi k its important to allow that when we're low for change of mindset

    Appreciate you & that your listening, deep thanks

    Gunna do a BP in a tic

    Yeah ditto stoked bout the Yes, im a chook & Bi but didn't know til short few yrs ago would've voted yes if i wasn't but glad dont have to vote, I'm kiwi magic 😎

    Apparently it was 61 or 63%. So glad to be alive & seeing more open minded equality & reasonable changes & slow acceptance, think NZ its legal already

    Have good sleep & day hun

    Hey sparrow update bit dry lately 😚

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  20. demonblaster
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    17 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Reply on way Maths

    BP day 3ish sorta

    Rough day fought hard & hacked, better tonite, 2am damn gunna need more beauty sleep, quite a lot more but it'll run its wicked corse push till you can't go furthur & then more but got that a tad less these days stil exhaustion takes wks for recovery & this is more type 2, milder mania but oh so good, hasnt hit yet had depression hard today consistent but i get it hard on coming down too,most have worst before, things changing, i feel & noticing changes with moods but hacking mostly, minor in the between times, unusual but seeing it as positive that heads changing, mixing it up unless of course heading for breakdowm...nah just jivin,hoping lol

    Gunna do hard firm talk again to NOT let it beat me, tried hard today but fought hard too with success, yay, buzz starting to win, be while yet before mastering it but gunna WIN. Stubborn as

    Now suicides outta equation again recently only one good choice, to get up & stay

    Been mixed cycles lately meaning moods all over shop, like mad womans shit but just gotta go with the flow,

    2 sleepers bit off dial atm so better crash & at least get few hrs, without them id be lucky to score couple hrs & at this stage the heads only slightly turned on, its the other end hits me worse & exhaustions unreal but better slightly than yrs ago youd hit wall & bit more keep pushing beyond

    Made mega progress over yrs only lately been working hard on downs. GUNNA MAKE IT, OFF DIAL atm so better crash

    Thx listening

    We can get this crap

    Believing helps no end

    Nigh nite good people

    Hoping your days are better 🤗

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  21. Peppermintbach
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    17 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Ah lovely DB,

    I took a screenshot of your reply. Thank you...talk about a moving post :) What a beautiful response. Speaking of writing from the heart, that’s definitely what you do. Your words to me, your missing Starwolf, your soul hugs...

    Speaking of which, there is no need to apologise. I know you weren’t “ignoring” me as you put it on Butterfly’s thread so all is well. Please don’t worry about it. It’s all good but I know you’re very compassionate, which is why you always try to clarify :)

    Yes, I can feel through your words how much you heart aches as you worry about Starwolf’s health. She means the world to you. She has been a friend, an ally and a constant. Those things are all priceless.

    I know that it won’t change the situation but perhaps it will give you some small comfort for you to remember how Starwolf is in your heart, no matter what. So you’re quite literally “carrying” her in your heart each day. Maybe these words will help...

    I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

    - E.E. Cummings

    Thanks, I appreciate your words. I wouldn’t say that I have a beautiful soul...I struggle to find good things within and about myself.

    But I’m glad you’re beginning to like yourself. Speaking of beautiful souls, you’re one :)

    Much Love,

    Pepper xoxo

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  22. Peppermintbach
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    17 November 2017 in reply to Mathy

    Hi DB,

    I wrote an earlier post but I can’t tell if I selected “post” or “cancel.” Oops, I will wait and see...

    In the mean time, loads of soul hugs from me :)

    Pepper xoxo

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  23. Mathy
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    17 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hey DB, here is a quote:

    ”Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing." - Muhammad Ali

    This was sent to me by one of MH apps - I pondered and thought, “Yep” - impossible is a state of mind, and something we can choose to challenge.

    I thought about your first/second post, where a psych had said it was impossible to beat BP.

    Well, if he, “who floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee” feels that way, then so can you 😊

    I was also reading ‘Wolf’s responses to you, back at the start of your thread, particularly about Eastern philosophy. I don’t know where you live, and if it is possible, but something like Tai Chi might be great for you. I’ve done some karate - which is a martial art. At the foundation of martial arts, is not hitting people, but control of mind and body. Tai Chi (I chose that because it’s popular and usually easy to access) - focuses on body movement, breathing, the mind and FOCUS - in it’s purest form. In fact, I’m going to write myself a prescription to start this :)

    Sparrow Update:

    Well, I seem to have acquired a flock of them. They all kind of look the same, so I can’t tell my “boy” from the rest, and I don’t seem to have any nest occupants??????

    Hugs, cheers M :)

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  24. demonblaster
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    17 November 2017 in reply to Peppermintbach

    You're another im so glad to have met Peps I think the world of you. Ditto Much love 🤗🤗🤗

    Sincere thanks you don't know how comforting you are regarding Rock/Starwolf, can't tell you enough how much you're easing the pain, & so supportive in every way. From deep I really thankyou Peps

    I'll give it a little longer & ask mods to check on her if they can, it's awful not knowing, from what she said I don't know if this is grieving or she'll pull through but it's serious clearly & also she indicated. Bloody hating this I tell ya

    Honey depression's blocking your opinion of yourself, trust my words as truth when I tell you your goods, for healing you need to see them too & believe in yourself, compassion,empathy, kind, caring, help people, supportive, giving, boosting, communicate well, what a friend, loyal, loving. Know ive missed stuff but step out & look in girl you're a beautiful soul.

    Articulate too, a friend ally & constant, you touch me sweet. Sooo grateful

    I'm not/ok missing her so much but don't wanna give up on her she never did with me, more tears

    Carry your heart, good aye

    Screenshot, glad darlin,

    How are you doin lately?

    Love 🤗😊😙

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  25. demonblaster
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    17 November 2017 in reply to Mathy

    Cool Maths thanks & again love that you read back thankyou for caring & interest 😗 oops must've been on turps when i put lippy on, nah not a lippy chook, a la naturale

    Love martial arts, any type watching on the box, dont think there's much around here & $, very good input though, good thinking, let me know how you go, I must though go back to Blonds (blondguy) mindfulness thread (think it's his) love the theory behind it & kinda doin it.wanna learn more

    Got through yesterday, rough but happies very to come out ok, took a lot of battle but a wins a win, today stuffed but as it does at times it snuck up on me so be interesting to see how next few days go mood wise. I KNOW I'm starting to win, Rock/Starwolf be proud & lot due to her wisdom. Its a buzz Maths i'm starting to breakthrough a major MI. Mind/emotional control, what helps is I like thinking esp in mania (bugga all so far dammit) but the mind opens up, im lucky not particularly delusional in mania tho belief gets VERY strong so much to pull the reins on you wouldnt believe & truth what you say about excellent Mahummad Quote. Love that, like the saying no such word as can't

    Stubborness can drive others nuts but it can be valuable too as in this.

    I like the discipline involved with martial arts.

    God I love your sparrow updates, haha maybe dye your poor boys feather 😊 wow he's making friends but no hanky panky aye

    Always happy to see you, thanks popping in & for your support & friendship, its a pleasure

    How you goin & hows work beep beeps performing

    Did I

    tell yaz bout this new free tablet, no extra cost, looks like im saying soz if repeats,got hacked & IP felt sorry & could & adjusted other bills to make it happen, time will see but think hes on the up, totals loven it, seems playin up little texting but we'll see & in warranty. Stoked

    😚🤗🤗🤗 you're ok with hugs aye, think you said yes, soo tired

    Thx Maths

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  26. demonblaster
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    17 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    BP day 4

    Bugga not looking like much mania but remembered couple days ago everything was PINGggg, superb, that was simply looking around lounge room.

    Mood ok actually slight not much but upish, not depressed, teary at times bout RockStar here & occasional harder hits bout late partner which happens anyway but worse in BP

    VERY Tired but hacking

    Awake 3am bout 5 ish hrs sleep with sleepers, always know in cycle when disturbed sleep biggly

    Mind on at bed time but not racing

    Fought hard yesterday, rough but got through,VERY happy, definately breaking through.Exciting even outta mania. Starting to beat Major MI. KABOOOMMMBBB. Long way to go but thats ok, biggly load to control.

    Love to be able to keep mania, have to nut it out. No one in this world wouldn't want mania. No words good enough to explain how good you feel. Epic

    Might be a shorter cycle this time

    Looking back was walking extra hills easily, (mania energy) yum

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  27. Mathy
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    17 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hey DB, you are winning :)

    I want to share a beautiful image. Called Metamorphosis with you. It’s about transformation, which I feel is something that happens to you a lot.

    I was given this print for my 60th birthday. I’d love to be able to upload an image here, but not possible.

    If you google “Judy prosser metamorphosis image” - you will get to see it. It’s truly beautiful, but it has the movement of beginning as one thing and changing into another - metamorphosis/transformation.

    Transformation is what you are doing for yourself. I hope this gorgeous picture brings you pleasure and courage, cheers M :) *hugs* and xx

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  28. demonblaster
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    18 November 2017 in reply to Mathy

    Thx Maths I'll def suss it, let ya know xx

    BP DAY 5.

    Ragged tired forced to go bed last night too late,bout midnight, had nice touch of serene,peaceful yum mania, thinking LOT consistent in mania, usually all things but learning over yrs to try to focus on one or two things so mainly how to beat the beast (depression) not down yesterday but close to all day but good. Woe bit contradictory but how it was.

    No sleepers but had couple migraine pills (not full blown but have had them, jesus, jackhammer jobs so they make me v.tired on top of v.tired, woke too early for me but good 8ish hrs.Need at this stage bout 15 which will increase, the manias coming through, it feeds on tiredness, probs cause bod tries to pull up. Doesnt take much to set off mania for me esp being more than a rapid cycler which is 4 or more a yr, im 8/10 (soz repeats,some may read recent posts)

    This morning & bit now feeling tense, ? Adrenalin &? Other chemicals squirt out & mania & tiredness, mood ok ,could & does at times plummet but going out with friend soon to flicks so always work harder on not being blaghh

    Went back bed hoping to catch 3 hrs more sleep, not ideal way through day but ive learnt best to get as much as po in cycles when ya can. Mind was on, allowed all thinking, tried to allow thoughts but not think furthur (Rock/Starwolf, thankyou eternally xx) & kept trying to remember to focus on how tired i am,comfy in bed & all the stress draining out into mattress, OH YEAH the mind kept going but beautiful, hard to need to turn it off but SUCCESS, dunno maybe hr & half, HAPPIES + + +

    Still tense, high stress up & down but gunna walk to cinema should take bit out.

    Bbl thx listening time & wanting to know 😊

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  29. Peppermintbach
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    18 November 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi DB,

    Good on you. “Mind over matter” indeed...no wonder you and Starwolf got along so well :)

    The cycling sounds very unsettling. It must have been very difficult to try to contain/manage those rapid, scattered thoughts. But you did it :) I hope you’re feeling proud of yourself.

    Also, I wanted to say thank you for the beautiful post you wrote to me. I’ve read it a few times and I really appreciated all the lovely things you said about me. You exude warmth and caring in all your posts...anyone reading can feel it.

    I know you’re missing and worried about Starwolf...I can’t do much to help except say that I hear you and offer a big soul hug (or 2 or 3).

    Maybe when you’re missing her, try to remember how she’s in your heart. Always in your heart. I realise it doesn’t and won’t lessen your worry of course but maybe it will give you some small comfort...or so I hope.

    Thanks for asking, I’m not doing so great but you’re kind to ask.

    love,

    Pepper xoxo

    2 people found this helpful
  30. demonblaster
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
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    demonblaster avatar
    7796 posts
    18 November 2017 in reply to Peppermintbach

    🤗🤗🤗 Dear Peps, honestly hate people feeling so bad do you have times when theres some light or is it constant? Worse lately?

    Bumma new tablet playing up intermittently texting so may have to shorten posts

    Only way can get it working atm is this way of typing annoying, at least got pc

    1 person found this helpful

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